Hello

[CharLee]

Hi Judith,
To answer the questions that you raised, each of us have a different reason for Crossdressing but I can only speak for myself and would gladly discuss this issue with you if you would like but I feel it would be better if we did this through E- Mails or Private Messages. There may be many more questions that you might have and so as not to tie up the forum I think that might be best.

Others here might offer some insight to you, but for a more in depth discussion on this matter I think a one on one talk could help you understand more and answer your questions.

[Carly]

Judith,
I can't speak for everyone but for me there is a limit. I do not want to transition or to have relationships out of my 35+ year marriage. But I would like some understanding from my wife. I know as I have grown older my desires have increased but I cold live with limits and even keeping everything private as long as my wife loved me as me. I'm still the slightly shy, sensitive, caring man she married. Maybe some of the reason for how I am is the reason I like to dress up. Don't know. But I so know I'm a faithful husband and good father. I also take care of her more that she takes care of my needs. I could be happy if she would just accept who I am. She would not need to participate. At some point I may give up but now I care too much for her.

[Anthony Simon]

I do keep myself under control, except maybe a time or two in my own quiet private space, and I try hard never to let any stress show, but from my side I never considered that I would ever have to confront anything like this in my personal life, with work yes, but that’s different.
I know from experience that people who have been a certain way all their life know no difference and with many things they cannot change anything. There we can run into a problem because they cannot comprehend how we think and we cannot understand it from their side, and this frustrates me no end because I agonise over where it may lead to, even though I realize that may well be out of both our hands.

Thanks for all the encouraging words and hopefully I’ll find some answers, if not, well maybe it’s out of my hands.

FWIW My sense is that it isn't out of your hands, but that what is required is a long, slow process. This is both because your husband is introverted - and thus will not communicate easily - and because the whole CDing thing is something your own personal way of living your life doesn't easily accomodate. There's a big gap to be bridged. And, I guess, because of that, your husband's voice - the sense of what he's about - is largely absent from what you have say.

If it's under wraps because of your daughters, you probably have time. You found out by yourself and not because your husband pushed the envelope - which would indicate that his CDing was actively changing. Nobody really knows what CDing is about. There is a very powerful drive at play which can morph over time and become more intense. Some people want to transition. Not very many do. There isn't really any implication (that I'm aware of) of CDing husbands being gay.

[Leeza]

Judith(SO),

You raise a lot of questions which I think are on a lot of SO's minds when they find out their SO is a CD. I also think they are all valid questions. As you have probably heard many time, "The only dumb question is the one not asked." Please ask away and we will do what we can to answer them each from our own perspective.

My husband is a good man

I hope my wife of 36 years thinks the same of me. This wife (second) knew about me before we started dating and we told all the kids after we were married. The kids at that time ranged from 17 down to 1. Other than telling them, I was in the closet about the cding till long after they had left home.

Does this activity usually have its’ limit or does the desire to expand it get stronger over time

With me, even though I had dressed off and on in my teens I didn't realize it was a part of me till I was in my 20's. The urge did get stronger as I got older, but as I said I am only talking of my exprience. When looking back I wonder if I would have gone as far as I have if conditions would have been a liitle more restrictive, but then there is also the possibility that I would have had more mental problems as dressing was a form of release for me.

I don’t believe it would be good policy to expose them to this at this time.

As I said earlier I told my kids about it shortly after we were married, but did not flaunt it. There is a big difference between beig told and seeing it. That was the decission my wife and I made.

Sort of a side note, my girls feel that because of me being a CD it was easier for them and their girlfriends to talk to me about things that would have normaly been talked over with their Mother. I wouldn't say it was from them being told I was CD, because they were only told the one time when they were kids, but from the difference in my mental attitude when compared to their parents. There was not anything that they or their friends would not bring up in a discussion.

I did not like the fact that I am a CD early on. After I accepted myself I realized that I was blessed in a special way. If I had my choice I probably would not be a CD, but I wouldn't change who I am either.
Because I have been able to accept myself and my family has been able to accept me I have a lot closer relationship with my daughters and daughters in law and have bee able to shop with and for my wife since she has not been able to shop.

Leeza

[DonnaT]

Some people change over time, some don't.

Many of us have heard of, or may even know, someone who insisted they were a middle pather, until one day they weren't and decided to transition instead. Even that can change, and they return to the middle path.

But most of us know, quite assuredly, that we will never transition from the middle path. However, that's a wide path, and things can change. For example, change from being in the closet to getting the nerve to go out. Or, a change in desire to wear only pantyhose, to a desire to dress fully enfemme.

Some say they change for different reasons. One being stress. The more stress they have the greater the desire for the fem side to come to the forefront as a subconscious way of fighting the stress.

Another being fighting the urge to dress. The more they try to fight it, the stronger the urge grows.

But the urge doesn't always necessarily grow, and instead some find the desire wains, even if it never completely goes away.

I don't believe we can control it, we can only control how we respond to it.