Hi, Suzanne here..

[Suzanne]

Hi everyone,
My name is Suzanne and I live in France. I'm married to the love of my life and she really is everything to me. She committed to marrying a man and I respect that. I committed to her too. I knew what I was but hoped against hope that the power of her femininity would tip the balance. Sadly, it's not worked out that way and my every waking moment is taken up by the ever-present thoughts of being a woman. I know that she couldn't deal with this and I wouldn't want to dump my problem on her - a problem that has no answer. She'd worry herself to death.
Like many, if not all, of you here I've been struggling with this all my life. About 10-12 years ago I actually got as far as going on hormones for 4 months. I don't know what I thought I was doing. I'd been to see a stress counsellor and after 6 sessions she said to me, "I shouldn't give you advice but I'm going to.. Why don't you 'go for it'?"
Given my marriage, I wish I could step back from this. Since moving to France, I've not succumbed to retail therapy. I'm holding on by gritting my teeth. Not good I know.
I'm looking forward to joining you - and perhaps this forum will relieve some of the head of steam that builds up. I started writing down a quasi-non fiction account of my life and it's running at almost 100 pages.
Anyway, I'd better stop here. There'll be more to come.
Suzanne

[Martina Hall]

Welcome, Suzanne!

[Anthony Simon]

Welcome, Suzanne.

I think you need to talk, probably a lot, to work this stuff out.

[OliviaM]

Hi Suzanne and to the forum! This is a good place to get the support and advice you need. Looking forward to your comments.

Olivia

[DonnaT]

Hi Suzanne, aboard.

[Anita]

Hi Suzanne--
Welcome to the Haven. There's a lot of reading in the archives, and you'll find many posts that speak to what you're going through.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Suzanne, and welcome to the Haven!


- SL

[Requal Jo]

Hi Suzanne and welcome to this friendly and supportive Haven. You will find a multitude of wonderful and cosmopolitan people with a wealth of experience to listen and assist you.

[Rikki]

Hi Suzanne and welcome to the haven.

I too have chosen not to unload my secret to my wife. She might have an inkling about my love of femme fashions, but not the full fact that I dress whenever I am alone for a longer period of time. Same thoughts that it would upset her too much, change our relationship and make me feel that I've let her down. I just can't be self-centered enough to let the cat out of the (drag) bag.

So for now, I have my special times when she's away. It would be great to show her how I look dressed, but the reality from the outside and the fantasy I see and feel from within are probably much, much different. To her, I'm sure I'd look ridiculous.

Again, welcome to the forum. Chatting with others here is a great relief and helps so very much.

Rikki

[Suzanne]

Thanks for the welcomes.. there seem to be many kindred spirits here..
Rikki's situation is close to mine.
I'll write a bit more when able..
Suzanne

[Catherine]

Hi Suzanne welcome with us
Catherine

[Martha G]

Hi there and welcome!

[Kelly]

Hello Susann,

Welcome aboard. This is a place where you can unload; we all have done at one time or another. Post early and often; more than a cliché, it helps us as well as you. That's why were all here - to support each other.

Kelly.

[Suzanne]

Will do..!