A Short Story

[Elizabeth]

The Barrier
By Elizabeth

Siller had gone to play in the woods as he had many times before. Nothing seemed unusual today. It had been a sunny day and warm out. Siller had become accustomed to playing by himself, not that he did not like other kids, or that they did not like him, just that he enjoyed his own company and not having to do things he did not like doing, as would be expected in a group of kids. Not that it was so terrible to do what others wanted, but that there were certain things he would never be able to do. He never got to be the quarterback if they were playing football, in fact he was not permitted to even touch the ball. IF by some chance the ball did fall into his hands, the politics of the 10 year old world he lived in demanded he hand the ball over to a more popular kid. One that was known to be a better runner, whether he actually was or not. Siller was never going to be the kid that scored the winning run. He most likely was not even in the line up. He was always picked last. And though it was humiliating, he tried not to let it show. Instead he acted as if the game just did not interest him.

Coming out of the woods today something was different. Even at the ripe age of 10, Siller could tell almost immeadiately that something was weird. It seemed that when he talked to people they could hear his voice, but could not understand him. And when people spoke to him they were speaking partially in a language he had never heard before. It was very frightening, and Siller rushed home, almost panicked.

Siller arrived at his house out of breath as he raced through the door and started explaining to his mother the strange experience that he was having. He told her how people were talking funning, and look strangely at him when he spoke. Suddenly he realized that now his mother had that same look on her face. When she spoke she only seemed to include a few words that he understood, and the whole thing she was saying was incoherent. She looked at him as if she could not understand what was wrong with him, and kept speaking to him as if he understood every word she said. Siller got really scared and said "MOM!!!, what is wrong with you? why are you talking so weird". He was really getting scared, but she looked at him with bewilderment, then went about her business as if nothing was wrong.

Siller went to his room, not knowing what to do. He turned on his TV, but could not understand anything anyone was saying. He was hoping that he was going to wake up any second and realize that it was just one of those weird dreams you have. Siller seemed to have been cut out of the world's communication circle. He seemed to be all alone. Even though no one could understand a word he was saying now, and he could not understand anything they were saying, everyone acted as though nothing was wrong. Siller had been cut off from the rest of the world at age 10. It made him feel differently, he felt as though he was on his own now. He still relied on his parents for food, and a place to sleep, but he was cut off from the rest of the world.

Over the years Siller adjusted to his situation, he did what he had to, to survive. He pretended he understood things when he did not, and would fake it to not be noticed in a crowd. But it ate at Siller, he knew that he had not changed, that for some reason the world had changed, and everyone but him was in on it. He did not understand why he was not let in on this huge secret. Why everyone but him seemed to be able to understand and prosper under a new language that they could not have heared before. Everyone acted as if this was completely normal, and nothing was out of the ordinary. Siller was getting older now and was now a young adult. He started wondering if he was ever going to communicate with anyone again. He wondered how he was going to find happiness.

Siller wanted all the things that life had to offer. So he acted like he understood, and he watched, and he learned how to do things, but he could never grasp the language, and no one could ever really understand him, even though they nodded and made jestures semming to understand him, he knew inside they were bluffing and did not really understand him. Siller dated, but could never establish a real relationship with a girl. Communication always seemed to be the barrier. He never knew what they wanted, so he could not satify them, and they had no desire to find out what he wanted. Siller was just a thing that existed, with no meaning or direction. He could only find peace in isolation. He could still remember that it was not he who had changed. He could still remember that summer day when everything changed, and he was confident that it was not him. But how could something affect everyone but him? Logic dictated that it had to be him, no matter what he thought, it had to have been him that change that warm summer day. Siller started to think more and more that it was him, even though he had no evidence to support it, he felt like he was different, and at a disadvantage.

Siller finally decided to leave, to maybe find people that could under stand him. He knew it would not be easy, but he also knew he could not find happiness like this. Siller hit the road, roaming from town to town, bluffing his way along. He has many relationships with girls, but they were all just fake. He would pretend to understand them, but he would not keep the pretense for long and thing would deteriorate. It seemed Siller was never going find happiness, or love. He doubted whether or not anyone really understood anyone, and whether or not anyone really loved anyone. Siller really felt alone.

Siller was now in his early twenties, when he road into Chataly. He had never been to Chataly, but he really did not expect it to be any different for him, from any other place he had visited. He was quite accustomed to not really talking to people any more, in fact he was not sure he could still talk at all. Siller found his way around town, he had become quite good at learning new towns. Found a place to stay, found work he could do. He was resigned to the fact that he was probably not going to find happiness. So he would take what ever happiness he could find.

Siller woke to a pounding on his door, and at first could not beleive what he was hearing. He was hearing a female voice yelling at his door. "come on you moron, get out of bed, i have to get this room clean". He could not believe his ears. He had not heard anyone speak any language that he could understand since that warm summer day. After that no one ever spoke a word to him that was understandable. He rushed to the door and opened it and said "what did you say?" It startled Merlai. With an incredibly surprised look on her face she said "you can understand me?" and Siller said "you can understand me?" Indeed they could understand one another.

Merlai had a similar story to tell of losing contact with the world, and feeling terribly alone, and not being able to find love. Merlai and Siller became inseparable, and soon fell in love. Seemingly cut off they found each other, and it seemed to be enough. They found that as long as they had each other, they could handle the seperateness, and they made each other feel good. They were now a team, and thier love grew strong.

Merlai and Siller were together for many years when Siller met Luli. He met Luli by chance at a park. He was just walking though it when he heard Luli talking, but he could understand some of what she was saying, not everything, but some. She was strikingly beautiful and younger then Siller. Siller began to speak to her, and she could understand some of what he was saying, but she could not understand it all. Luli was different then Siller and Merlai, she could understand a lot of what everyone else was saying, but she could not interpret it to Siller because he could not understand all of what she said, and she could not understand all of what he said. And she could not understand all of what the others were saying. They started talking, and Siller was captivated by Luli, she seemed almost magical to him. He talked to her for a long time, and agreed to meet her there again the next day.

Siller and Luli met everyday, and while they could not say everything they wanted to, they could communicate, and it seemed the magic worked for both of them. They could feel it, but they could not talk about it. Neither could find or understand the words that surrounded what they were each feeling. They had fallen madly in love with one another, but neither were able to convey this to the other, so they were forced into a platonic relationship. I mean, Siller had Merlai, she could understand everything he said, and he could understand everything she said. They now shared a lot of memories together and they loved each other. But what Siller and Luli felt for each other was different, they had this magic, like they were intended for each other, but not.

Eventually Siller and Luli stopped seeing each other as the pain they both felt thinking they were the only one loving the other one, was more then either of them could bear. They drifted apart and eventually never seen each other again, but neither could ever forget how they felt about each other, and what might have been if only they could find a way to have conveyed thier love. It seemed there was a barrior to love, a barrior to true love. Siller stayed with Merlai all of his days, and they loved each other, and cared for one another. But he could never get out of his mind what had happened to him, why he, Merlai, and Luli were so different, and why he could not answer the passionate love he felt for Luli. He never knew that she loved him, and she never knew that he loved her. Forces that no one understands made things how they were to be. And the barrior prevailed.

[Loretta Ann]

Did you write this Elisabeth? Are they your thoughts?

[Elizabeth]

Hi Darlene,

I am not sure what you mean. Yes I wrote that story. But I get the feeling you are wondering if I feel there is a barrier to true love? Well, there seems to be for me. But the story itself is about living in a world that you don't understand and no one understands you, and trying to make sense of our feelings of love. In those regards and others, the story is very much about me.
Love
Elizabeth

[Loretta Ann]

Thank you for clearing that up for me Elisabeth, You put a lot of thought into that.

Having come from an abusive child hood as well, I have discovered that growth happens one layer of Onion skin at a time. What I mean by that is we had to develop certain defense mechanisms in order to survive. That defense dose not work in the real world. And they need to be replaced one layer at a time. And after each layer is replaced we understand more, and eventually love becomes more possible for us.

I hope this is helpful to you.

[Virginia]

Beautiful story Elizabeth, beleive it or not I got it on the first reading. I think it applies to a lot of our sisters here who struggle with who they are and who these beautiful girls are inside them.
Thanks for your offering!!!
Love,
Deborah