Crossdressers-Haven.com

The Poetry of Tesia Samara

Thinking Pains

All of the time

I see myself thinking

Thinking all inside

Dreaded thought to thought

Carefully linking

Bringing my death in shapes and size

I’m self-destructing thinking

Submerged to lose

I am sinking

Nest of serpents

My own twisted mind

Creative manner to deal in living

Grown to stern

Ripped at stern

Evil in root

I see myself thinking

All of the time.


Transgenderism

Took a turn too far

To trespass

To know that I am nothing more

Than an error in eternity

Held hands, to keep me here.

But that hand slipped,

Clover discolored,

Misintended as I was blighted;

We never meant to be this.

-------------------------------------


Rest In Peace sweet Tesia.

http://www.txtriangle.com/archive/1212/topstories.htm

Beauty

May you never be forgotten, Tesia. How you lived and how you died will spur us to fight the good fight.

May you have found the peace and comfort that so eluded you here.

Love,
CJ

Thanks, Beauty.

Agreed CJ.

You're welcome

Beauty

Touching poems.

Was she a friend of yours?

Hi Jadhe,

No, I wish she had been though. What a totally innocent life lost.

I agree those are very touching.

Beauty

I finally red through that article, and it sure made me feel angry. I truly hate people sometimes. She just wanted to live her life in her own way, but some jerks made her life so difficult, that she couldn't take it anymore. I really wish that those who were mean and made fun of her, would someday feel what she felt.

It must be terrible when you can not be yourself simply because of this twisted, unfriendly society.

Is that her in the picture? If so, then she was very pretty.

Hi Jadhe,

Yes, that's her in the picture she was VERY pretty. It's so sad.

I read in a book, "Embraced By The Light" from someone who was dead for a while and then revived. One of the many things she was told was that you do feel the pain you caused others before you pass on into the after life. Very interesting (I have no idea if it's true) but I think it would be great if those who chastised her had to feel her pain and the pain of her family and friends.

Beauty

I can't believe that she was so like me but yet took her own life
I can't understand what things could push someone to that step. I think that she was a smart girl and that is what makes it harder to understand.
I know that she'll never be forgotten here at least. I think that we should set something up in memory of her whether on this site or as a link it should be done.
I hope that her mother finds what she is looking for.

I cant get over how sad this makes me

Stephanie

Hi Stephanie,

Yes, she was very close to your age.

Hopefully, we're paying her a tribute by sharing all of these kind thoughts about her now that she's gone.

Her life was a little more complicated because she felt she was born the wrong sex(TS) vs. a crossdresser.

We are still emotionally attached to her and her tragic story because of our own isolation and because we empathize with her not feeling accepted.

Let's keep her memory and story alive by keeping this thread in her memory.

Beauty

Stephanie,

This news made me sad as well.

It is a tragic story that quite possibly could have been prevented by tougher harrassment laws.

Not all stories are sad though, when I was in high school one of my best friends was gender dysphoric.

Gym was the hardest part for him as a matter of fact he almost didn't graduate because he refused to change in the locker room.

Other than that he fit in really well and we had some terrific times with all our friends.

High school just wouldn't have been the same without him.

but think now if your SO heard that your friend commited sucide. think of the thoughts that would be running through his head.

It is just so close it feels as though she has been here with us the whole but yet we never met. She was so close to my age close to everything it seems it is just.....very hard to explain. I wish that I could explain but I can't.

Stepanie

Stephanie,

My SO did overcome those dangerous feelings as a young teen (younger than you even).

Never did my SO imagine at the time that someday he would be a parent to two boys and a partner to someone who would accept him just the way he was.

By overcoming the tough times he was able to leave open the possibility that feelings and situations could change for the better in the future.

And lucky for me , it has

Hope that helped answer your question

Lefty

Stephanie Higgins, Beauty, Leftyrainbow and Others,

Beauty, thank you for entering this. I have wanted to tell you, that somehow
I thought you were living the perfect Barbie doll life. Your replies to me
and others, show you are human and struggle with the rest of us. With
all you do here and your easy attitude you seemed to be super woman.
Thanks for sharing the intimate feelings, situations and beliefs in your
life.

Stephanie, when I read the poems I felt like I lost a soul mate. I, like you,
am greatly upset. I have learned these feelings are ok though. I have
had thoughts like hers most of my life. Through continuing therapy, I am
learning to accept who I am. I am not deeply evil as society and my
parents earlier in my life tried to make me believe. Because I was
isolated, I easily believed the maxim that if one thinks everyone else is
wrong, more than likely it is you who is wrong. It turns out I wasn't evil or
nuts. I was only listening to the wrong people. A child is in no
position to dispute terrible things that parents put on that child.

I also learned a truth this last year that seems so obvious. I am an
individual. I can't know others experiences when my only reference
is what I feel and know. After 50 years, one person in my whole life
was able to convey that she understood, in part, my feelings and my
experiences through her own. She saved my life by convincing me to go
into therapy and believed in me to be better. No one before was able to
show me and give me belief in myself. Not even my wife, who loves me
dearly, could do that for me.

My point is that, it is the height of ignorance for me or any of us to go on
judging others. Condemning them, for things for which we have no way of
relating by our limited life experience, is wrong. There is evil and it is
real. Evil was not her motivation for death. I know by her poems. The
poems are my experience and hers.

Leftyrainbow, that a school would condemn one for not group showering
shows what my feelings are. To torture a young one over such an issue
shows me where the line for evil is drawn. What possible good could such
actions by a school administration do. It seems to me that a lot of
different avenues could have been explored without the condemnation
and resultant ridicule. The results of these actions could have caused
major self esteem problems added to the already self respect issues
I'm sure this indiviual already had.

What a wonderful world it could be if more of all peoples would practice
more understanding and forgiveness, even to forgive themselves.

I shouldn't, but I feel sorry that I felt compelled to write this. I'm not sure
why.

Your friend,
Kersten --------
PS I appologize to Beauty for entering anothers name and also to Biss
if I affended her. My brain slipped as I am quite taken by these poems.
What I wrote Beauty I meant, thank you again.