Crazy Quotes

[CJ]

Hi all,

I'm a big fan of "crazy quotes"--things people have said that they later (sometimes half a second later) wished they hadn't said. I own several anthologies of this type of unfortunate utterance. I recently purchased one called Foolish Words; I read it on the subway and often burst out laughing as the teeming masses stare on. I thought it might be fun to post a few of these quotes. What I thought of doing is to post one a day (sort of your "morning smile" kind of thing). Of course, if any of you gals out there know of any, by all means, post them too.

So, I'll get the ball rolling by posting a few. I hope you enjoy them.

Love,
CJ

I'd rather be dead than singing Satisfaction when I'm 45. --Mick Jagger in 1970 (he turned 60 last year)

Fiction writing is great; you can make up almost anything. --Ivana Trump, on her first novel

I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix. --Dan Quayle

The streets are safe in Philadelphia--it's only the people who make them unsafe. --Frank Rizzo, ex-Police Chief and Mayor of Philadelphia

The American people's expectations are that we will fail. Our mission is to exceed their expectations. --George W. Bush, in an opening speech to the cabinet

If Lincoln was alive today, he'd roll over in his grave. --Gerald Ford


Well folks, you get the idea. Post on!

[Alexandra]

I did not have sex with that woman Bill Clinton
Read my lips: no new taxes GHW Bush
I don't remember Ronald Reagan
I've commited lust in my heart Jimmy Carter
The Polish people are not dominated by the Soviet Union Gerald Ford
Some people are wondering if their president is a crook, well, I'm not a crook Richard Nixon

[Beauty]

Political quotes from you ::gasp:: I'm in shock!!!

I can't even post that face myself without cracking up!

[CJ]

The President doesn't want any yes-men and yes-women around him--when he says no, we all say no. --Elizabeth Dole, then aide to Ronald Reagan

[Kyra]

In keeping with the political satire:
"I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!"-- Andy Rooney


Hugs,
Kyra

[Celia]

I wonder if Dubya watches The Simpsons--

Kang: The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work
again . . .


The Gerald Ford quote reminded me of an old David Letterman bit:

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?

1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2. Advising the President.
3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.

-Celia

[Alexandra]

MASSIVE AMOUNTS Secy of State Colin Powell
We KNOW where they are Secy of Defense Donald Rumsfeld

[SharonRose]

SMOKING KILLS, AND IF YOU'RE KILLED, YOU'VE LOST A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR LIFE."
Anti-smoking spokesperson Brooke Shields

"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized."
- Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House, to a group of people in wheelchairs on Disability Day

If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.
-- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
--Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

All of the Mets' road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium.
Ralph Kiner, NY Sportscaster

A day without sunshine is like night." (unknown)

IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE HERE IN THE GREAT STATE OF CHICAGO"
Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"I WAS RECENTLY ON A TOUR OF LATIN AMERICA, AND THE ONLY REGRET I HAVE WAS THAT I DIDN'T STUDY LATIN HARDER IN SCHOOL SO I COULD CONVERSE WITH THOSE PEOPLE"
Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"WHEN I HAVE BEEN ASKED DURING THESE LAST WEEKS WHO CAUSED THE RIOTS AND THE KILLING IN L.A., MY ANSWER HAS BEEN DIRECT AND SIMPLE: WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THE RIOTS? THE RIOTERS ARE TO BLAME. WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THE KILLINGS? THE KILLERS ARE TO BLAME."
Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the complex social issues behind the Los Angeles Riots

"REPUBLICANS UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF BONDAGE BETWEEN A MOTHER AND CHILD.
Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on Republican family values

(extending his hand during a campaign stop): I'm Dan Quayle. Who are you?
Woman: I'm your Secret Service agent.

This one is equal time for all the Republicans out there . . .

"I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE SOME REPORTERS PAWING THROUGH OUR PAPERS. WE ARE THE PRESIDENT."
Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

and my favorite Quayle-ism . . .

"WHAT A WASTE IT IS TO LOSE ONE'S MIND. OR NOT TO HAVE A MIND IS BEING VERY WASTEFUL. HOW TRUE THAT IS."
Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste"

[Alexandra]

my choice for running mate is . . . Sen. Dan Quayle of Indiana! Vice President GHW Bush in 1988




No wonder GHW Bush selected Quayle . . . he must have reminded him of his son!

[SharonRose]

She is a fabulous First Lady. I was a lucky man when she said, yes, I agree to marry you. I love her dearly, and I'm proud of the job she's doing on behalf of all Americans. Just like I love my brother.
- George W. Bush, Jacksonville, Florida, Sep. 9, 2003

We've got hundreds of sites to exploit, looking for the chemical and biological weapons that we know Saddam Hussein had prior to our entrance into Iraq.
- George W. Bush, Santa Clara, Calif., May 2, 2003

The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production.
- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Nov. 27, 2002

I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will.
- George W. Bush, speaking about Saddam Hussein, Manchester, N.H., Oct. 5, 2002

Tommy (Thompson) is a good listener, and he's a pretty good actor, too.
- George W. Bush, confusing his Health and Human Services secretary with Sen. Fred Thompson, Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber.
- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 10, 2002I

t would be helpful if we opened up ANWR (Arctic National Wildlife Refuge). I think it's a mistake not to. And I would urge you all to travel up there and take a look at it, and you can make the determination as to how beautiful that country is.
- George W. Bush, at a White House Press conference, March 29, 2001

They misunderestimated me.
- George W. Bush, Nov. 2000

And finally, here's one where W tells us about his secret crossdressing:
"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."
- George W. Bush

[Kyra]

I needed a good laugh after a long wet day like today.
Thanks y'all.

And Lexie, may I say that your new Avatar...well....er, it rocks!


To add to the list:
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like
that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

[CJ]

Kyra!

Mariah Carey actually said that?!??!?! Oh my God! And here I thought the prep solution on my microscope slide was shallow...

There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet me. --David Hasselhoff (of Baywatch fame), who probably didn't catch the double-meaning in his own utterance.

Love,
CJ

[Alexandra]

Kyra,

re: avatar, thanks!

(but its not really new, its recycled from last year!)

[Jadhe]

I love the Bill Clinton one, Alexandra.

Something about it just cracks me up!

[Kyra]

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.