Good one!!!THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 ** LOCKED **
Moderator: KimberlyS
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Carolynn
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Carolynn
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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"What do you love most about me," coyly asked the husband of his wife. "Is it my tremendous athletic ability, my superior intellect, or my incredible love making?"
His wife smiled gently. "I think it is your enormous sense of humor."
His wife smiled gently. "I think it is your enormous sense of humor."
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Sally
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the bad jokes thread
A young guy dies and goes down to hell. On arrival he's met by the devil who explains to him that the punishments for being in hell are changed every thousand years and he can now select his first punishment.
The devil takes him to the first room where he sees a young guy hanging on the wall in chains being whipped. The new arrival isn't too keen on this so the devil takes him to the second room.
In the second room he sees a guy on a rack being tortured by fire so he's not real keen on this either, so the devil takes him to the third room.
In the third room he sees this real old haggard smelly guy hanging on the wall and there is a gorgeous young blonde going down on him.
He reckons this is for him, so he tells the devil this will do.
The devil then turns to the blonde and says, " You can go now dear, your relief has just arrived."
The devil takes him to the first room where he sees a young guy hanging on the wall in chains being whipped. The new arrival isn't too keen on this so the devil takes him to the second room.
In the second room he sees a guy on a rack being tortured by fire so he's not real keen on this either, so the devil takes him to the third room.
In the third room he sees this real old haggard smelly guy hanging on the wall and there is a gorgeous young blonde going down on him.
He reckons this is for him, so he tells the devil this will do.
The devil then turns to the blonde and says, " You can go now dear, your relief has just arrived."
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
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Lorna
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Sally
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
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the bad jokes thread
When I was younger I used to hate going to weddings. All the aunts and grandmotherly types used to poke me in the ribs and cackle and grin at me, saying. " You're next, you're next"
I put a stop to all that when I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I put a stop to all that when I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
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Loretta Ann
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How to stay safe in the world today.
1. Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for
20% of all fatal accidents.
2. Do not stay home because 17% of all accidents occur in the
home.
3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all
accidents occur to pedestrians.
4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water because 16% of all
accidents involve these forms of transportation.
5. Of the remaining 33%, 32% of all deaths occur in hospitals.
Above all else, avoid hospitals.
1. Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for
20% of all fatal accidents.
2. Do not stay home because 17% of all accidents occur in the
home.
3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all
accidents occur to pedestrians.
4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water because 16% of all
accidents involve these forms of transportation.
5. Of the remaining 33%, 32% of all deaths occur in hospitals.
Above all else, avoid hospitals.
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Lorna
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Indeed!! 
One more groaner...
A man goes into a butcher shop and says, "I bet ya $350 that you can't reach that bit of meat," indicating a cut of beef hanging above him. The butcher looks up and says, "No way."
The guy says, "Why not?"
And the butcher answers, "The stakes are too high!"
One more groaner...
A man goes into a butcher shop and says, "I bet ya $350 that you can't reach that bit of meat," indicating a cut of beef hanging above him. The butcher looks up and says, "No way."
The guy says, "Why not?"
And the butcher answers, "The stakes are too high!"
Live it. Love it. OWN IT.
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Sally
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
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- Location: N.S.W. Australia
the bad jokes thread
Lorna......you're a silly sausage. You really cut me up. 
A doctor and his wife were having a real ding dong argument at breakfast. Trying to have last word, just before he stormed off to work, he shouted at her, " Well you aren't so good in bed, I'll have you know."
Around mid morning he started to feel remorseful for his remark, so he rang home to apologise to his wife. After some time she eventually answered the phone.
He said, " I'm sorry for what I said this morning dear and are you alright, what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She said, Well I was still in bed."
He said," Aren't you feeling well?"
She said," I'm fine, I was just getting a second opinion on your diagnosis."
A doctor and his wife were having a real ding dong argument at breakfast. Trying to have last word, just before he stormed off to work, he shouted at her, " Well you aren't so good in bed, I'll have you know."
Around mid morning he started to feel remorseful for his remark, so he rang home to apologise to his wife. After some time she eventually answered the phone.
He said, " I'm sorry for what I said this morning dear and are you alright, what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She said, Well I was still in bed."
He said," Aren't you feeling well?"
She said," I'm fine, I was just getting a second opinion on your diagnosis."
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
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Eloise Goth
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An english woman, an american woman and a french woman were discussing their teenage daughter.
the english woman said 'I found cigarettes in my dughters room - I never knew she smoked'.
the american woman said 'I found vodka in my daughters bedroom - I never knew she drank'.
the french woman said 'I found some condoms in my daughters bedroom - I never knew my daughter had grown a penis'.
the english woman said 'I found cigarettes in my dughters room - I never knew she smoked'.
the american woman said 'I found vodka in my daughters bedroom - I never knew she drank'.
the french woman said 'I found some condoms in my daughters bedroom - I never knew my daughter had grown a penis'.
And you thought I was dead.
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Rachel Ann
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Eloise Goth
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Carolynn
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OK, here it is from Eerie land. Two ghosts were commiserating about their hard times. "Due to the decline in tourism", one spirit complained, "he had not had an opportunity to frighten anyone new for weeks." The other agreed, saying, "You know times are tough when its hard to eeek! out an existence!!
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born