THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 ** LOCKED **

[Connie]

That's good Sally!
I laughed so hard I got a Haddock!

Connie

[Jeannie]

You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish! I like most fish but I can't barricuda. Hugs.

Love
Jeannie

[KathyB]

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted it on the apple tray: Take only ONE. God is watching.

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God's watching the apples."

[Sally]

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I heard a rumour that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd, arer you sure?" her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the Mother Superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?"

[Sally]

Then tere was the hunchback who comes in from a hard day's work and is tired and hungry.
His wife has put the wok on the stove, so the hunchback says:"oh great, are we having chinese tonight?"
and his wife says, "no. I'm just about to iron your shirt"...

[KathyB]

oooooooohhhhhhhhh

[Sally]

What's happening when you hear....woof woof...SPLAT........meeow...meeow...SPLAT.



It's raining cats n dogs.

[Virginia]

Did I tell this one! A priest and a superior court judge were trying to get in a quick 18 but they were behind two ladies who were all over the course. Said, the priest to the judge, "Why don't you go and ask them if we can play through?" "Good idea" says the judge who walks off then turns and hurries back to the priest who asks what' wrong? The judge says, My God man one is my wife and the other is my mistress!" "Well, hell, I will take care of it then!" and off rambles the priest, who soon turns on his heels and sheepishly returns to the judge "Small world isn't it!?"

[SilverLady(SO)]

Sally & Virginia:








- SL

PS: Gheesh! Those jokes are why the BJT was started in the first place!!

[Sally]

Two soldiers are wandering through the desert, after having become separated from their squad. They're thirsty, heat exhausted and close to collapsing. After reaching the top of a sand dune, they find stretched out before them a large, bustling marketplace. Thinking that it must be a mirage, they draw nearer, until they can hear the sounds and smell the scents, proving that it's real. Overjoyed, they run into the market, up to the first stall they find. They throw some money they have with them at the storeowner, and say "Sir, we need water. We've been wandering for days in the desert."
The shop owner looks at them sadly, and says, "I'm sorry, all we sell is bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
A little surprised, but not discouraged, the soldiers move on to a large cart, and again ask for water. The merchant said, I’m sorry, all I have are bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top. I am sorry sir."

Sighing, the soldiers continue on to another shop, where they again get the response "All we sell are bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
Again, they continue on, and in every store, they find that all anybody sells is bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top. Store after store, stand after stand, cart after cart, all anybody sells is bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

Eventually, after having asked every storeowner in the marketplace, they leave resigned to their grim fate. As they trudge back into the desert towards their demise one turns to the other and says "How odd that we find a bustling marketplace in the middle of this godforsaken desert, and all anyone sells is bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top."

The other guy looks back, and says, "Yes, it was a Trifle Bazaar, wasn't it?"

[KathyB]

OUCH!!!

[Jennifer M]

What do you call a blind dear


No eye deer


What do you call a blind deer with no legs


Still no eye deer

[SilverLady(SO)]

OUCH!!


*Hugs*

- SL

[Jennifer M]

Two guys walk into a bar...


The third one ducks

[Carolynn]

Fellow walking down Broadway turned into a bar.


Did a thriving business too!