Trafalgar II
Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:47 am
Nelson: What's that!
Masterman Hardy: Your message sir!
Nelson: That's not what I asked for!
Masterman Hardy (shifting uneasily): Er, that's what we've got to put these days sir...
Nelson: What, "England expects everyone regardless of race, colour, creed, religion, denomination, sexual orientation, gender expression and physical ability to do their duty?"
Masterman Hardy: Yes, sorry sir but we have to be all inclusive.
Nelson: But you needed three masts for that one!
Masterman Hardy: I know sir.
Nelson: Never mind, what's the news from the crow's nest?
Masterman Hardy: Sorry sir, there is no news from the crow's nest. It's closed.
Nelson: Whatever for?
Masterman Hardy: No disabled access sir, we have to be all inclusive.
Nelson (clenching his fists and turning red): All inclusive!? What sort of bollocks is that!
Masterman Hardy (moving away slightly): Sorry sir, you're not allowed to swear!
Nelson (after throwing Hardy a fierce look):Ye gods man! What am I supposed to do now?
Masterman Hardy: Sorry sir...
Nelson: OK, never mind that, run up the mainsail and we'll get going.
Masterman Hardy: Sorry sir, we can't do that.
Nelson: What!?
Masterman Hardy: The safety harnesses haven't turned up yet.
Nelson: Safety harnesses!?
Masterman Hardy: It's all to do with health and safety sir!
Nelson: What sort of b...
Masterman Hardy (interrupting): No swearing sir.
Nelson: Right, at least we can do something. MAN THE GUNS!
Masterman Hardy: Er...
Nelson: Why aren't they moving?
Masterman Hardy: You're not allowed to make gender specific orders, you can't say "man the guns".
Nelson: So how am I supposed to attack the Frogs... er the French and Spanish fleet?
Masterman Hardy: You don't need to sir.
Nelson: Oooh! They've surrendered then? That is good news!
Masterman Hardy (shuffling from foot to foot): Er.. not exactly sir.
Nelson: You mean we've surrendered?
Masterman Hardy: Oh no, definitely not sir.
Nelson: So?
Masterman Hardy: The Frogs..er... I mean the French and the Spanish have been categorized as People Of Differring Views sir.
Nelson: So what does that mean?
Masterman Hardy: We have to respect their views and we're not allowed to attack them because of those views.
Nelson: What! Next you'll be telling me that homosexuality is now allowed.
Masterman Hardy: It is sir.
Nelson: In that case, kiss me Hardy!
Masterman Hardy: bubbles off!
Masterman Hardy: Your message sir!
Nelson: That's not what I asked for!
Masterman Hardy (shifting uneasily): Er, that's what we've got to put these days sir...
Nelson: What, "England expects everyone regardless of race, colour, creed, religion, denomination, sexual orientation, gender expression and physical ability to do their duty?"
Masterman Hardy: Yes, sorry sir but we have to be all inclusive.
Nelson: But you needed three masts for that one!
Masterman Hardy: I know sir.
Nelson: Never mind, what's the news from the crow's nest?
Masterman Hardy: Sorry sir, there is no news from the crow's nest. It's closed.
Nelson: Whatever for?
Masterman Hardy: No disabled access sir, we have to be all inclusive.
Nelson (clenching his fists and turning red): All inclusive!? What sort of bollocks is that!
Masterman Hardy (moving away slightly): Sorry sir, you're not allowed to swear!
Nelson (after throwing Hardy a fierce look):Ye gods man! What am I supposed to do now?
Masterman Hardy: Sorry sir...
Nelson: OK, never mind that, run up the mainsail and we'll get going.
Masterman Hardy: Sorry sir, we can't do that.
Nelson: What!?
Masterman Hardy: The safety harnesses haven't turned up yet.
Nelson: Safety harnesses!?
Masterman Hardy: It's all to do with health and safety sir!
Nelson: What sort of b...
Masterman Hardy (interrupting): No swearing sir.
Nelson: Right, at least we can do something. MAN THE GUNS!
Masterman Hardy: Er...
Nelson: Why aren't they moving?
Masterman Hardy: You're not allowed to make gender specific orders, you can't say "man the guns".
Nelson: So how am I supposed to attack the Frogs... er the French and Spanish fleet?
Masterman Hardy: You don't need to sir.
Nelson: Oooh! They've surrendered then? That is good news!
Masterman Hardy (shuffling from foot to foot): Er.. not exactly sir.
Nelson: You mean we've surrendered?
Masterman Hardy: Oh no, definitely not sir.
Nelson: So?
Masterman Hardy: The Frogs..er... I mean the French and the Spanish have been categorized as People Of Differring Views sir.
Nelson: So what does that mean?
Masterman Hardy: We have to respect their views and we're not allowed to attack them because of those views.
Nelson: What! Next you'll be telling me that homosexuality is now allowed.
Masterman Hardy: It is sir.
Nelson: In that case, kiss me Hardy!
Masterman Hardy: bubbles off!