Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi all,

I'm a fan of Uncle John's Bathroom Readers' Insitute. The books sometimes contain priceless material, both funny and strange.

Hope you enjoy this stuff as much as I do.

Love,
CJ

Bad Jokes

Q: What has four legs and one arm?
A: A Rottweiler

Q: Hear about the ship that ran aground carrying a cargo of red paint and black paint?
A: The whole crew was marooned.

Q: What is the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?
A: I don't know, and I don't care one way or the other.

Q: Did you hear about the corduroy pillows?
A: They're making headlines.

Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during his root canal?
A: He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Q: What do the letters DNA stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association

Q: Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
A: The wedding was terrible, but the reception was great.

Q: What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
A: Anyone can mash potatoes.

Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A: A buccaneer.

Q: What is bright orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot

So these two cannibals are eating a clown and one says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Q: How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

Q: If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
A: European

Q: What do you call a midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison?
A: A small medium at large

Oh, I just found some more...

Really Bad, Awful, Terrible Jokes

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office with a banana up his nose and says, "What's the matter with me, Doc?"
The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef

Q: Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?
A: Because he was on a roll.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: To get to the other side.

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
A: He sold his soul to Santa.

Q: What do you get if you don't pay your exorcist promptly?
A: Repossessed

If you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray.

Hi CJ,

Love them, even woke ~D~ up to tell her them, she won't thank me in the morning. She said " they are just terrible"

I love them, my favourite is the surrealists showing their other side

Q....What do you call a boomerang that won't come back ?
A.... A stick !

Love
Rebecca xxx

Still more...

Flubbed Headlines

"These are 100% honest-to-goodness headlines. Can you figure out what they were trying to say?"

-- Lebanon Will Try Bombing Suspects
-- Officials Warn Clams, Oysters Can Carry Virus
-- Man Shoots Neighbor with Machete
-- Stripper Resents Exposure
-- Multiple-Personality Rapist Sentenced to Two Life Terms
-- Iran Claims Success in Its Attack on Iran
-- Retired Priest to Marry Springsteen
-- Defendant's Speech Ends in Long Sentence
-- Old School Pillars Are Replaced by Alumni
-- 19 Feet Broken in Pole Vault
-- Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy
-- Terminal Smog Not Lethal
-- Cause of AIDS Found--Scientists
-- Police Kill Man with TV Tuner
-- Milk Drinkers Are Turning to Powder
-- Bible Church's Focus Is the Bible
-- Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
-- Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
-- Council To Examine Impotant Problems
-- Literarcy Week Observed
-- Prosecutor Releases Probe Into Undersheriff
-- Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
-- Large Church Plans Collapse
-- Potential Witness to Murder Drunk
-- Britain Inches Grudgingly Towards Metric System
-- NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach
-- Official: Only Rain Will Cure Drought

Yet more BRI stuff... Enjoy!

Court Transquips

"Do court transcripts make good bathroom reading? Check out these quotes, from a little book called Disorder In The Court. They're things people actually said in court, recorded word for word."


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: This myasthenia gravis--does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son--the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between mileposts 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: "What disco am I at?"

Love,
CJ

And we get in trouble as blondes for berating ourselves??????
Those are great!!!!
Thanks girls!
Deborah
PS: And can I give examples of things I have forgotten? Uh!? Susan??

heeeheee, CJ these are my type of funnyness I enjoyed that

Ohhh, I dont know why but whe I heard this on the Tele I couldn't stop laughing... but it actually isn't funny ???

Whats Orange and sounds like Parrot?

Carrot

Sophie xx

Hi all,

Still more BRI stuff...

Graffiti

"Creative writing, from the hallowed halls of public restrooms across the country."

-- To kick the bucket is beyond the pail.
-- If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
-- An elephant is a mouse drawn to government specfications.
-- Who gives a damn about apathy!
-- Add up the spinal column and get a disc count.
-- Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol.
-- Democracy is letting the other fellow have your way.
-- When all else fails, read the instructions.
-- I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
-- Democracy... three wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for lunch.
-- My boss has boots so shiny I can see my face in them.
-- A specialist is someone brought in at the last minute to share the blame.
-- I wish I were what I was when I was trying to become what I am now.

Love,
CJ