So this guy walks into a bar...

[Kyra]

I hear these kind of jokes all the time. I thought it might be fun to put them all together. At first I was going to just put these under the "bad jokes" thread(because some are realllllllly bad!), but I think if there are enough out there they just might deserve their own thread.
Sooo...


A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
And the grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?!"


A pair of Jumper Cables walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "I'll serve you a drink, but don't you two start anything!"


A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel tucked in his pants. The bartender says, "Hey, do you know that you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
And the pirate replies(Best pirate voice), "ARGH! I know, it drives me nuts!!"



Hugs,
Kyra

[Beauty]

Oh, you should've put this in the bad jokes thread afterall.

[Aeryn]

A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Aman walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

aeryn

[Laura Ashcroft]

A guy walks into a bar...and he sees a horse in the bar. He goes up to the bar and asks the bartender "What's the deal with the horse?". The bartender says "If you pay $5 and can make the horse laugh, you win the pot." So the guy says "Ok, I'm in", and hands the bartender $5. The bartender takes the $5 and puts it in a coffee can full of other bills. The guy walks up to the horse, whispers something in the horse's ear, and the horse breaks into hysterical laughter. Everyone in the bar is amazed. The guy comes back and collects his winnings and leaves.

A week later, the same guy comes in and sees the same horse. He asks the bartender, "Is the bet the same, to make the horse laugh?". The bartender says "No, now the bet is to see if you can make the horse cry." Again, the guy says "I'm in." He pays his $5, and goes over to the horse. Shortly thereafter, the horse is sobbing. The guy comes back to collect his winnings.

The bartender says "Hey wait a second, everyone here in this bar has tried to make that horse laugh and cry, and only you have been able to do it. Before I hand over your winnings, you have to let us know how you did it." The guy says "It was easy enough, to make him laugh I told him my d**k was bigger than his, and to make him cry, I showed him."

[DonnaT]

A termite walks into a bar and says "Is the bar tender here?

A 3 foot midget walks into a bar and slips over on a pile of s**t. Minutes later a huge tough guy walks into the bar and slips over on the pile of s**t, the midget says to the big guy, "I just did that", and the big guy punches the midgets lights out.


A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say hi to them, but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. So he sets it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that noone will steal it then. Upon return, he sees another note saying "Me too!"

[DonnaT]

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!"

Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused.

This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"

The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

[DonnaT]

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone who is in the bar now." After drinking, the man starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. "I have no money," answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street.

The next evening the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone who is in the bar now." The bartender thinks to himself, "The man can't be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, tonight he must have enough money", and gives beer to everyone. After drinking, the man starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. "I have no money," answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street.

One evening later the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, and beer for everyone who is now in the bar."
In disgust, the bartender asks "What, no beer for me this time?"
"No," answers the man, "you get violent when you drink."