Crossdressers-Haven.com

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, than
education, than money, than circumstances,
than failures, than successes, than what other
people think or say or do. It is more important
than appearance, giftedness or skill.

It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable
thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will
embrace for that day. We cannot change our past, we cannot
change the fact that people will act in a certain way.

We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we
can do is play on the one string we have, and that is
our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what
happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

We can be in charge of our attitudes.

Hi all,

Darlene,

You're so right in this. You've managed to encapsulate, in a few lines, what it took Marcus Aurelius an entire book (his Meditations) to set down. There aren't that many things that are either in our control or within our power to change; certainly, our attitude is one of them, though. It's a given; those that manage to put a positive spin (or, at the very least, a neutral one) on the events in their lives, go about that life with a much lighter heart.

Thanks for posting this.

Love,
CJ

CJ wrote:Hi all,

Darlene,

You're so right in this. You've managed to encapsulate, in a few lines, what it took Marcus Aurelius an entire book (his Meditations) to set down. There aren't that many things that are either in our control or within our power to change; certainly, our attitude is one of them, though. It's a given; those that manage to put a positive spin (or, at the very least, a neutral one) on the events in their lives, go about that life with a much lighter heart.

Thanks for posting this.

Love,
CJ

.
Not only Aurelius, but Epictetus: "What torments mankind isn't the facts, but the opinions that are held about the facts." (Enchiridion, 4:1)
.
The correspondence isn't exact, but it's pretty good. I don't think E. is correct across the board, but every time I hear of a CD tormented because of public opinion, I think of Epictetus.
.
Terry Gal

Here; Terry Gal.

I was really beginning to wonder what was keeping you at the CDDF.
It seems to be becoming more of a hateful place as more of us jump ship. And I guess that if James is not concerned enough to do something about it, there is no point in us worrying about it?

Darlene,

This is very beautiful and sound advice. Thanks for posting this.

Darlene, Terry Gal,

I agree also. It has taken me all my life to get here where I am,
finally understanding the truth you wrote. It is a constant battle in me
to keep believing that I am in control of how I feel. It is so easy
just to blame others and circumstances. I almost long for those
days again from just a year or so ago. I just hope as time goes on
that it becomes natural for me to be happy and to appreciate
all the beauty around us each day.

Terry Gal, I hope you find things here to your liking. I have missed you
very much. You, like many here, have such a great wealth of
information and education and understanding of the human condition.
I am very happy to read you again. We all will enjoy the wonderful
witt and humor that is uniquely you!

Kersten

Terry Gal wrote: Not only Aurelius, but Epictetus: "What torments mankind isn't the facts, but the opinions that are held about the facts." (Enchiridion, 4:1)
.
The correspondence isn't exact, but it's pretty good. I don't think E. is correct across the board, but every time I hear of a CD tormented because of public opinion, I think of Epictetus.
.
Terry Gal

Terry Gal!! Hi!

Glad to see you here, hon!

Hi Kersten.

Even 19 years since I started looking at myself I still struggle with these issues. That appears to be part of the package that, people like us who have suffered child hood abuse, have to deal with.

For me I need to constantly remind myself that is the way it used to be, that is the old me, the old life. things are different now I am not the same person I was.

That is the reason for my signature in my posts, on this forum, A constant reminder, a retraining if you will. That it is perfectly OK to love myself, and enjoy my life, even pamper myself.

To ocasasionaly dress to the nines, where I can feel so soft, oh so good, and so right. And say to myself Oh Darlene you sweet little thing, I love you so very much, your are so very prescious.

That is why it has become so important for me to listen closely to what is going on inside of me, and live in harmony with that.

Darlene wrote: Here; Terry Gal.

I was really beginning to wonder what was keeping you at the CDDF.

.
I'm still there. After all, I still lurk on alt.support.crossdressing in spite of the perpetual feuding that goes on there. As my mother used to tell me, you can learn something from anybody, and that applies even to a.s.c. And if you'll look at my data, you'll discover that I have been here, in a sense, since October. Various problems kept me away at the time (and I agree with the people on CDDF that the software here is not the most user-considerate); it took Marcus Aurelius to get me to break my silence.
.
--Terry Gal

     Good ol’ Marcus Aurelius gave some fine advice, as long as we do not take it as valid in all circumstances:

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

                              —Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

     Unfortunately, though, when it comes to one’s assessment of a circumstance, “revoking it” through an act of will often is the easy way out. Whenever I hear about someone losing their job because of their clothing preferences on their own time (such as the Winn Dixie truck driver), I feel some distress. If Marcus Aurelius were referring only to things we cannot possibly change, I would agree with him. For the rest, I think there is something to be said for the wisdom of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Julie?

What are you talking about?

I thought there for a moment I was back in CDDF.

A lot of things happen to us in our lifetime, some good, some not so good. The beginning of putting one's life back together after a traumatic or depressing time is atttitude. Our attitude depicts how we handle our life. A bad attitude keeps us down, growing a good attitude starts our rehabilitation from down times.

There are ways of saying things and there are ways of saying things, but it all gets down to our attitude to life how we look at what's going on around us. Some people develop good attitudes, some cannot achieve doing that, that's just how people are, anyone who talks all the time about bad things and negative attitudes is obviously going through a bad time, and for that I'm sorry, but we've all been there and risen above it all, but it takes a good positive attitude to be able to do it. It's sometimes a difficult thing to achieve by ourself, impossible even for some, but there is as much or as little help available as anyone wishes .

We can't do anything about yesterday but if we do a good enough job of today then tomorrow will take care of itself.

Regards.

Sally.

Julie wrote;

these attitudes make it their fault -- blame the victim, for all she had to do was put a positive spin on it and she would have been fine.

I am sorry you feel that way about it. One can take anything written and tear it apart, if they so choose. Including what you have written here, if I should so choose. That however is something that I am in control of, and choose not to do that.

Julie I understand that you are going through some very rough times, and I am not happy to see that happening.

It is not about putting a positive spin on it. It is about going through these rough times with the right attitude. where you come out of it with a positive out look on it.

Having said that I now need to share some more of my own life with you. I have suffered hard times I lost everything except my self, and one day I will lose that to. Just like everyone else here. You will never know what I went through because (1) you don't need to know and (2) I will never tell you. Suffice it to say that many men greater than I have committed suicide for less.

I now look back at that and can tell you, that no way in this world would I have chosen to go through that experience. while at the same time I can tell you that I would not have wanted to miss it for anything this world can offer me.

From reading your post I have to ask you where is your light? You believed there was value in tearing apart what I have written, well then where is your solution? What do you have to offer that might help others who might one day be going through things like this in there lives?

I realize these are very hard questions, but who ever told you life was meant to be fair? It's quite all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

I have no intention of arguing with you and will unlikely respond to any more of your posts that tear apart. From my position this conversation is over.

Gooood morning?

Julie, you have been suspended for 30 days.

I felt removing Julie's account for being upset one night wasn't fair and she may never come back, which would be sad. I also think it should be clear you will be suspended or banned from this forum for using profanity or for flaming others here.

I also thought removing the posts would be a bad idea because it wouldn't show what'll get you suspended or banned from the forum.

Darlene I totally applaud you for taking the high road!! You are beautiful!

Yesterday I thought a thread was going to turn into this kind of thing and I acted before it happened. Well I was wrong to do that and I learned from my mistake. I promise everyone here that I will no longer be proactive with removing or taking action until an actual offense takes place that isn't in line with our board rules.

Please avoid verbal responses and contact me and I'll take care of the mediation or you can be a classy as Darlene and reply, but give me or Lefty time to come in and clean up.

You all are soooo the best and that's why I love you all here.

Beauty