Crossdressers-Haven.com

In another thread someone mentioned they have low self esteem which made me wonder, how many of us suffer from this?

If so, the knee-jerk reaction would be it's because of our cross dressing, however I'm starting to think that perhaps the dressing is partially caused by low self esteem and perhaps we escape from ourselves and become a woman for short periods of time.

I'm also wondering how many of you were loners when you grew up and are loners to this day?

I was a loner throughout my teenage years and pretty much am still today. I'm married and have a family but outside of that I don't have anyone I hang out with or anything. This is another chicken and egg question am I a loner because of the dressing or is the dressing because I'm a loner?

I commented on this subject in the other thread also.

I don't think that for me, cross dressing and self esteem issues are directly related, but the issues do affect one another.

I don't exactly feel like I have low self esteem, but I do feel uneasy around most people and never really feel like I'm accepted as part of "the group" - whatever that might mean. So yeah, I'm a loner and pretty much have always been.
For a while I had a theory that I cross-dressed because I was too scared to have a real relationship. I thought that once I was married I wouldn't be interested in that anymore; I guess that's a pretty common belief
Well that was wrong.

I've always felt intimidated by women, like I was desperate to be liked and terrified that I would do something that I thought would be funny or cute and would actually just annoy them. And usually that's exactly what happened.
A few months ago I had sort of an interesting revelation. I was at the local tavern back home and a couple people (who are now married to each other) that I went to school with were there. I don't know how the subject came up, but we'd drank enough for the truth to be coming out anyway. She mentioned that when we were in school they were all afraid to talk to me because they thought I was so smart and would think they were stupid. Which I thought was really weird, because I thought I was the one who was afraid to talk to them because I could never think of anything clever to say and would look like an idiot. The only things I knew about were subjects that nobody in the world cared about, and certainly nobody wanted to talk about.

And nothing has changed in the last few decades.

At least now I can talk to my kids, and they mostly ignore me and let me ramble on with only the occasional smart-alec comment. But they like me anyway, so it's fine.

For a while I had a theory that I cross-dressed because I was too scared to have a real relationship. I thought that once I was married I wouldn't be interested in that anymore; I guess that's a pretty common belief

Seems to be, I know I thought that once and it went really well. NOT.

I've had major self esteem issues, plus I was a loner growing up, and still kind of am to this day, though I don't quite suffer from the same self esteem issues I once had.

I was never one to have to have large groups of friends - just a few, really good close friends who get that I need my alone time.

Give me something nice to wear, a pair of headphones and a cold one... I am good to go, LOL!!!

I found later on in life, that if I could just apply myself, I could excel at whatever it was I was doing... school, work... I never saw myself being able to accomplish the things that I have - but I did, sometimes you can surprise even yourself!

How does this apply to cross dressing? Not really sure, but I believe somewhere, somehow there must be a correlation. In terms of physical appearance... well, I much prefer being en femme than in drab... when dressed, I feel so much more confident, and better looking IMO anyways!

I know growing up I had self esteem issues as well as was basically a loner. I believe both of those were due in part to my transgenderism and the fact I was "sure" I was the only one in the world with that issue. After coming to grips with who and what I was I found my self esteem did go up. I also found out that being a loner was not the route in life I wanted and came out of my shell. I am not saying that is for everyone but the acceptance of myself and eventually coming to realize this is who I am and losing the fear of allowing others in brought me out into the world.

Lexi wrote:I've had major self esteem issues, plus I was a loner growing up, and still kind of am to this day, though I don't quite suffer from the same self esteem issues I once had.

It's a constant struggle for me, I never feel I'm good enough at anything. I always feel that no matter how hard I work on something it still isn't good enough. Although since I've started the journey of acceptance for CDing I'm starting to notice that I don't feel as bad about myself in other areas as well.

I know growing up I had self esteem issues as well as was basically a loner. I believe both of those were due in part to my transgenderism and the fact I was "sure" I was the only one in the world with that issue

I have several things in my life where I thought I was the only one, the internet has helped greatly with that. It's given me a forum to speak with other people who march to a different drummer. Most of my life it seems my interests are never what's popular and it sucks not having people to talk to about those. The internet has given me that so there are places online where I fit in where in the real word I don't fit in everywhere.

I know there was a time I had very low self esteem, not so much today but growing up yes. Was it in part due to being "different" or being the littlest and most clumsy guy around or being the artistic type or a combination I am not sure. What I do know that as I started to accept myself as I am and not worry so much what others thought about it definitely helped me.

I started to accept myself as I am and not worry so much what others thought about it

I'm finding as I get older I care less about what others think about me.

I guess I fit into the low self esteem, and loner group as well.
I'm just realizing now that it's a form of escape for me. But I love dressing.
And yes it's wonderful that the internet is here.
I always felt "what's wrong with me", when I was dressing. And maybe now I don't care as much what others think, but still when I venture out I want to be able to pass, or at least put up a good presence.
If I thought I couldn't pass, I'd still dress but try not to be seen.
So I guess there are all sorts of reasons why we do what we do, and perhaps answers for some of us.
But be able to accept what we do, and knowing that we are not alone, is definitely helping this girl.
Thanks to you all for being here.

But be able to accept what we do, and knowing that we are not alone, is definitely helping this girl.

Yes, I feel the same way.

Something a college friend said to me was:

Most people suffer from self esteem issues and those that do not are lying about it.

It makes one think.

You're probably right Kimberly.

Just a quick thought... I remember that in my childhood I was rather popular. Whenever playing any sports, I was the first or second picked. Had tons of friends, etc.

However... once I re-discovered my CDing in my teens (I have some memories of it on my younger years) then I started to become a loner... not because of others changing, but because of me wanting to be all by myself so I could indulge in my CDing. I isolated from friends and family, didn't show much interest in many things so ended up being left alone. Personal choice.

Hanna, I want to comment on what you said... I don't know for sure (because nothing is 100% sure in life, is it?) But I believe that the day I don't look good enough in my own mind, I will very likely lose my biggest drive to cross-dress. We all have different motivations. That is one very important one for me. (Yeah, I know... I'm weird! )

Gaby

I think for some, the dressing is the catalyst for being a loner. For others maybe being a loner helped us become a CD.
I think both the chicken and the egg may have come first.