Crossdressers-Haven.com

again not sure if this should go here

i started like a year and a few months ago only. as for why... it was the only time that I asked myself what do I want to do regardless of what other people think or how they will react

I mean hey, I know what to expect... and i have gotten what I expected. nothing pleasant has ever crossed me in social matters whenever my appearance becomes a factor, and when they even come it has just grown on me to doubt it... i dont want it to but

its just difficult. the only person this has made happier is just me, everyone else around me has either mocked me or I dont know... even those taht I hoped... wouldnt have but... some said painful words and you know its jsut harder to take when its from a loved one than some stranger its like....

In my eyes and head I know i will never physically pass as what I want to. its not easy to accept i guess and it just gets difficult when times come when its like i dont understand... like an occasion when some people get mistaken like in korea, I was in the mens room and this guy told me that I am in the wrong room and pointed the ladies. I dont know what to think, i mean i was freakin hurt coz what the hell does this person expect that I say it in front of everyone there, "im a freakin guys isnt that freakin obvious???", I mean is he mocking me or just wants to have a good laugh coz thats not possible... and thats not easy to say regardless. im so fraekin traumatized from the freakin mens room that everytime i have to go i feel like crap and i jsut like want to get outta there as soon as possible when im there its... i mean geez why must i feel this way for something so insignificant back then

at times it crosses my mind that the more feminine I become teh more negative things get. i will not talk about relationships for i am in the middle of something that you know... do when something is ending i mean you know... so i cant talk about taht

but, i have no intention of going back to how I used to be. I guess its as some say, its not something that you just choose to be maybe... i dont know.

my change was dramatic in the sense that it was fast, i used to be brutish and like a punk and all of a sudden im all fem. it shocked a few people and thought i lost my mind. Im just the type who doesnt like stalling once ive decided...

i want to be positive believe me... its jsut hard to be in my case when i almost never get any and all i get is negativity

oh well

NieA

Hopefully reading and writing here will help you sort things out.

It was a tad difficult to follow this post. WHev people write the way they converse, it doesn't always work because without all the physical cues a lot of meaning get lost. It can leave a lot of blanks to fill in. Also I didn't understand what you said about your relationship, but I gather that you don't really want to talk about it.

Hope to hear more from you.

Zari

NieA wrote: my change was dramatic in the sense that it was fast, i used to be brutish and like a punk and all of a sudden im all fem. it shocked a few people and thought i lost my mind. Im just the type who doesnt like stalling once ive decided...
oh well

People do change but this strikkes me a maybe too quick... Have you been to a doctor lately... Quick changes can be a result of something wrong medically. If it is it could be effecting your hormones and what ever... Just a thought since I have had bouts with medical issues that have changed my crossdressing before...

well ive always had the desire to look like a girl but I just always thought it was more logical not to pursue it. but this country made me feel different, that you really can just do what you want and that you can be all that you can be - not jsut dress but i mean almost everything as long as youd work hard on it.

besides, at that point peoples opinion in general became the least of my cares - I felt its fine time to care about what "I" want.

it was just shocking to other people i guess because i never talked to others about it - not that there were any who can understand anyway.

i dont think i need a doc thing, i mean everythings going alright for me - in the sense that the negatives are expected already.

That's great.. Some times its time to change everything.. Kind of what I did 6 years ago.. So what country made you feel that way? And did you just move there?