Crossdressers-Haven.com

So here's a question for ask GG that may get to the heart of a lot of stuff some of us think and talk about here. SL said she likes her clothes to make her feel sexy. What is it like for a woman to feel sexy?

I know what I and other men sometimes think it must feel like. It must feel powerful. The ability to command attention and influence men with your appearance. But I suspect there may be other stuff going on. Is it sometimes a feeling of being open to an affectionate attitude towards the world? Does it translate into feelings of self worth? Playfullness? Is the power aspect less than men think it is?

All very confusing to me because to tell the truth as a guy I normally do not think in terms of feeling sexy. I may feel horny but that is a completely different feeling I think much of the time.

Andrea

Andrea -

Very good questions, and very thought-provoking, too! The simple answer to your questions would be: "Yes. All of what you men think is true." It's actually much deeper than that, and I don't know if my answers will bring justice to your questions. But I'll try.

What is it like for a woman to feel sexy?

For me, it's the headiness of knowing that I'm looking absolutely great and attractive in what I'm wearing. Even if its just the underclothes that no one knows about but me, *I* know that I look great in them, and that makes me feel sexier. That feeling shows through in whatever I'm doing that day.

Feeling sexy - it's a powerful feeling, yes, and being able to 'command attention' is part of it, true, even if I may not act upon it (such as in a store, the mall, etc.). But it's also my attitude towards my self worth - yes I am very worthy of the attention, and I enjoy the attention, what woman doesn't? I've always been a very affectionate, fun-loving, playful person, and I'm even more so when I'm feeling better about myself, and feeling sexy is definitely part of that. The sexier I feel, the more confidence I have in myself, definitely translates into my being more affectionate and fun-loving towards others, more playful, flirty, and sometimes bold or brazen!

Is the power aspect less than men think it is?

Well, there is absolutely a sense of power that I feel - even though I may not always be consciously aware of it. Does that affect my thoughts, words, or deeds? I would have to say 'very much so', whether I actually employ that power or not. Again, the more confidence I feel in myself translates into a sense of power, consciously or not.

For example, if I wanted to convince you to do something for me that you had previously been either noncomittal or objected to, consciously or not I will be using my 'feminine wiles' to convince you to do what I wanted. If I am feeling 'really sexy' that day, well, that just makes me even more determined to convince you to do what I wanted because let's face it, you know that you can deny me nothing. You know that you really want to do whatever it takes to please me, to make (or keep) me happy. And by your doing so, that makes you feel good, too. - - - Does that make sense?

All very confusing to me because to tell the truth as a guy I normally do not think in terms of feeling sexy. I may feel horny but that is a completely different feeling I think much of the time.

At a certain base level, feeling sexy and feeling horny are somewhat synonymous, I think, for most people, and for me, too! Oh, don't be so shocked! Really, now! I can honestly tell you that the sexier I'm feeling - the hornier I'm feeling, because I'm feeling pretty darn good about myself, and know that I'm sexually appealing to others, too. I think this applies to a lot more women, too, but whether they will actually admit it or not remains to be seen.


While I was in the process of writing the above response to Andrea, Marlena commented:

SilverLady, it's interesting you mentioned how your new hairstyle has affected your attitude.

Ah, the hairstyle! Yes, it's true, I'm definitely feeling more outgoing and playful with this new, shorter hairstyle. It looks really great on me (gee, I'm so modest!) even though it's hard to tell in my avatar. That photo is almost 2 years old, and my hair is actually shorter - more pixie-ish now!

Why didn't I feel more outgoing prior to this hairstyle? Well, until 3 years ago, my hair was so long I was able to sit on it. Seriously. While I was still playful and flirty, it seems like the long hair also held back my true personality, and I had a lower sense of self-worth. I didn't feel sexy, or attractive - maybe I was, but I didn't think so. Now, however, overall my life has changed for the better - I'm personally at a better 'place' in my life, and with it came a new hairstyle. Ergo, my attitude and sense of self-worth has changed for the better, also. It's like the long hair held me back, and now that it's gone, watch out, world, here she comes!


And then Loretta Ann wrote:

I would think the way one dresses is probably an indication of how one feels inside. A representation of that if you will. . . . I like to dress in clothes that correspond to what is going on inside of me, as opposed to how others might feel about the way I am dressed.

For the most part, yes, that's true. The better I'm feeling about myself, or the sexier I feel, yes - my clothes do tend to reflect that, because it adds to those feelings. However, there are days when I'm wearing just shorts and a t-shirt - - nothing sexy about those, generally (apart from wet t-shirt contests, okay?) - - but yet I still feel sexy, and yes, I'm wearing sexy underclothes that no one knows about but me.

So if someone were to think that based on the shorts and t-shirt that I was not feeling sexy that day, or rather, that I was feeling dowdy because of the non-descriptiveness of it, and think that was what I was feeling that day, then they would be wrong.

The outer clothes do not necessarily 'correspond to what is going on inside of me'. Sometimes, they couldn't be further from the truth.

Thanks SL

Most of what you said was about what I thought based on what various women will say and do that I have known. I had trouble relating to " the headiness of knowing I am attractive" and any expansion on that would be of interest. Having teenage daughters I am acutely aware of hwo much society puts on a womans appearance and how fine a line there is between feeling good about yourself and how you look vs. feeling bad about yourself because you think you are the ugliest being in the history of the universe and how hard our consumer culture works to bring this about in a very vulnerable part of our population.

For me it is funny. If I like a woman she becomes attractive. I remember when I was dating my wife and making the comment to a male friend that I knew that if I fell in love with her (it hadn't happened yet) that I would think she was gorgeous and he said he wished that he could feel this way, that he couldn't fall in love unless the woman was beautiful already. Maybe he was mixed up about the sequence but based on his choice of women (gorgeous women with totally toxic personalities) I doubt it. If I like her and she is a bit of a flirt I enjoy that and see it as affection.

If I don't know a woman and she acts flirtatious I sometimes get a collosal resentment towards her for seeming to think that she can lead me around by my hormones. It has been pointed out to me by women that she may well be feeling that this is her only option, that she can be taken seroiusly only as a sexy woman and not as a human being, which is very sad. Even so I enjoy looking....

Andrea

Thoughts anyone?

Oh wow... so many questions, so little time....


RE: dressing down so as not to outdress you CDing fella on his/her night out. It's not that *he* would ask me to - in fact, to ask, or expect someone to do this would be pretty self-centered and a bit rude, wouldn't you think? The willingness for me (and apparently DonnaT's lady) to not steal our guy's thunder is something within ourselves. For my own thoughts, I can dress to the teeth to run into the grocery store any time I want... my guy only gets a few occasions to dress up, and my instinct would be to dress nicely but not in any way that deflect attention from him to me. As DonnaT's wife put it, "this is your night". What this says about us fundamentally is way beyond my ability to work out this afternoon.

RE: What does it mean for a woman to feel sexy? Geez, ya'll are going to make me work today, aren't you? For me, it means feeling wantable. Noticeable in a favorable fashion. Open to attention, firtations and more. Sensual. Seductive. Seduce - able.

gotta get to work,
-g

Thanks Georgia and something you said rang a bell.

When we were first in love I could seduce my wife almost at will whenever I wanted to. Eventually we got to the point where we started saying that there were things we had wanted to do that we didn't because we were always interrupting ourselves to have sex, and we had a mutual desire to tame ourselves a little bit. But that feeling of both being able to seduce and be seducable was great. Probably because it was in fact based in love.

On the other hand I go to a fellowship where some women, and occaisionally men, talk about sex at one time being a weapon and nothing else. Often this seemed to involve being out on the stroll to use the favorite euphemism. An important part of recovery is sometimes to recognize that "our sexual powers are a God given gift, neither to be despised or abused." Boy does that sentance say an awful lot. It is certainly nice to be able to feel that way about any aspect of ourselves.

Looking back I can say that when I was younger for a period of time sex always had a string attached, as did any effort to make myself appear attractive. It went something along the lines of if she will sleep with me she must like me. Therefore how can I get her to sleep with me. The sort ofthing so many women feel but an awful lot of guys do to even though we aren't supposed to. At that point being attractive became a statement of need, not self worth, and it all became a manipulative tool.

Today I feel like I really don't care what you think unless you are someone important to me. Other times I wonder if I protest too much about this however.

Most of all I hate watching my daughters get glued to the tv when what not to wear comes on. It seems like the most toxic show in the world to me.

Andrea

Andrea

Wow...great questions and great answers by the SO/GG's before me.
Have you never felt like you looked Damn good and you know people are checking you out, Absaroka?
Sometimes confidence can just be in being OK with your appearance.
There have been times when I felt (after it was too late and I was already dressed, out and at the function) that I was dressed alittle too sexy for the occaission. That made me feel SILLY and less confident and definately not sexy, more like stupid..LOL!
Ask any GG and they will tell you it's happened to almost all of us (being over or under dressed).
I can feel sexy no matter what I'm wearing as long as I'm good with it!
I can feel sexy in a pantsuit , a pair of jeans, or my pajamas...LOL...confidence is what makes me feel sexy.
...and horny siverlady..LOL!
It's the confidence that I think people respond to.

hope my input adds some insight...

Lefty

I had previously written:

At a certain base level, feeling sexy and feeling horny are somewhat synonymous, I think, for most people, and for me, too! Oh, don't be so shocked! Really, now! I can honestly tell you that the sexier I'm feeling - the hornier I'm feeling, because I'm feeling pretty darn good about myself, and know that I'm sexually appealing to others, too. I think this applies to a lot more women, too, but whether they will actually admit it or not remains to be seen. {Emphasis added}

Leftyrainbow(SO) wrote:

I can feel sexy no matter what I'm wearing as long as I'm good with it!
I can feel sexy in a pantsuit , a pair of jeans, or my pajamas...LOL...confidence is what makes me feel sexy.
...and horny siverlady..LOL!
It's the confidence that I think people respond to. {Emphasis added}

Finally!! Another GG has admitted that when she's feeling sexy, she's also 'horny'!! Yeah!! I was beginning to wonder if I was a rare breed!!

Thanks, Lefty!



- SL

Leftyrainbow asked have you ever felt you looked damn good and people were checking you out?

No not really. When I was younger and pretty fit I ran around with not much besides a pair of cutoffs on when it was hot out. It was more about comfort than anything else. I figured I looked good enough that noone was grossed out or laughing but didn't feel anything more than run of the mill acceptably attractive.

Nowadays much more than when I was younger strangers will smile at me sometimes or be mildly friendly but I usually think it has something to do with the persona I present, that I seem like a nice person, than anything having to do with looking any better than acceptably non repulsive.

The idea that I could get people to react more strongly to me in a positive manner just by adjusting my appearance is an intriguing one, as long as it wasn't a lot of work. Unfortunately with guy clothes for me at least the clothes are always getting damaged-dirty or torn or something-so it just doesn't seem like it's worth the bother.

I don't go out en femme unless it is where I won't be seen so all I am talking about is guy mode.

Absaroka