Crossdressers-Haven.com

...when all of these crossdressers ask you about all of these different clothing and make up questions, but yet not one of them has thought to ask about the discrimantions that women have faced in history (and still face today).

For the veterans of the forum, they remember me as the one who was afraid to go to Iraq, and for those of you wondering, I'm back and safe (no american propaganda smileys, please). I'll get into that in another forum (and no american smileys there, either).

Over the past year, I've realized that I'm not a crossdresser. I am a lesbian woman. I have found that I have little care for feeling pretty or having poise while out en femme... I don't care about make-up or clothes or soft skin. I told a FtM friend of mine tonight that I don't want to be a Jenny Boylan, I want to be an Alix Olson ('cept... I'll still be me... she's just a really god poet: "American dreams are on permanent layaway."). I'm going to tell my unit when I have to go back to them (Not for another 2 months... WOO!). I'm not going to change my name. My full name is "Nicholas Lynn *insert last name here*", but I just introduce myself as simply "Lynn".

I'm actually posting this on a whim, though, so I don't have my thoughts are not very organized at all... that and I'm kinda tired... so... yeah. Stuff. I guess I haven't even really thought to post because... I guess I feel like kind of an outcast because I'm 20, I actually want to transition for reasons other than "Being a woman is FABULOUS" (I remember reading that in someone's sig), I'm not married, nor do I have an interest in raising or starting a family, and I guess... I just don't feel like coming in here and typing. I'm sorry if this seems a little bit angry sounding or what ever, but if you want to talk, my yahoo IM thing is musicmagelynn.

Hi, Nick -

I do remember reading several of your posts, and I'm glad to know that you survived Iraq - - a huge Welcome Back and hugs for you and your unit!!

I will answer your post in more detail later this evening - right now my brain is just waking up and your post requires a fully-charged brain!

However, that should not prevent any other GG from responding to your post in the meantime, right ladies?


- SL

Nick -

Okay, now my brain is more awake and I hope to respond fairly intelligently to your post!

Does it bother you at all...when all of these crossdressers ask you about all of these different clothing and make up questions, but yet not one of them has thought to ask about the discrimantions that women have faced in history (and still face today).

No, not really, Nick, because I'd rather not get into a discussion on women's discrimination, either past, present, or future. Those discriminations are slowly being overcome - and examples of this are the increasing numbers of women who are doctors, lawyers, CEO's, scientists, police and fire personnel, and lots of other professions - and all of those professions were previously dominated by men.

There will always be some form of discrimination against the members of society, whether they are men or women, hetero- or homo-sexual, Christian or Jew, and so on and so forth. Topics like that would belong in Hot Topics, anyway, and I try to stay out of that arena if at all possible!. Do I accept discrimination? No, but it is an uphill battle which will require a multitude of people to help defeat, and those being 'defeated' must be at least willing to open their minds to new ways of thinking, and be willing to admit they just might be wrong in their way of thinking - - one can hope, anyway!

Over the past year, I've realized that I'm not a crossdresser. I am a lesbian woman. . . . I'm going to tell my unit when I have to go back to them (Not for another 2 months... WOO!). I'm not going to change my name. My full name is "Nicholas Lynn *insert last name here*", but I just introduce myself as simply "Lynn".

Hmmm, that, of course, is going to be a very hard row to hoe, maybe even more so than admitting to someone you might have been CD. I believe the military still has the '...don't ask, don't tell...' policy regarding GLBT issues? If so, won't that mean that your CO could file whatever paperwork is necessary for you to be discharged, or worse, require you to undergo psychiatric evaluation, which would not look good on your military record - especially as it would apply to any future jobs outside of the military?

I believe that Virginia or DonnaT (ex-Navy & Army, respectively), CJ (social worker), or possibly other members of the forum (as I am not aware of everyone's background, but I do know of these 3), would be better able to discuss those issues with you than I or possibly any other GG here. I do not want to brush this matter aside or pass-the-buck, but I do believe you should seriously consider the side effects of your proposed plan to tell your unit about Lynn.

I guess I feel like kind of an outcast because I'm 20, I actually want to transition for reasons other than "Being a woman is FABULOUS" (I remember reading that in someone's sig), I'm not married, nor do I have an interest in raising or starting a family, and I guess... I just don't feel like coming in here and typing.

I do not think that you are an outcast, in fact, I wouldn't be surprised to discover you are not the only person at the forum who thinks this way. Again, I believe CJ and some of the others would be better able to discuss these issues with you in the open forum.

I'm sorry if this seems a little bit angry sounding or what ever...

Do not apologize, Nick, for you have done nothing which requires an apology. Your post does not seem 'a little bit angry sounding' at all - - rather, you are posting your thoughts and feelings, which are just a bit unorganized right now, as you have admitted.

I would ask that you also consider posting these questions/issues in another area of the forum, like the Coping for CD's or the Do You Know How I Feel? sections, where more members of the forum will readily see your post and respond.

However, if anyone would wish to respond to your post in this Dear GG section, they are more than welcome to do so.

I do wish you the best of luck in whatever course of action you ultimately decide to follow.




- SL

Hi all,

Nick,

Good to have you back.

Like Silver Lady said, although you're in the right place if you want to know how GG's feel about a seeming lack of interest (and it is only seeming) regarding the discrimination they face, you'd stand a better chance of getting people's input about introducing "Lynn" to the guys in your unit if you post in a busier section of the forum.

I know Silver Lady would very much like me to but I won't offer my own thoughts here about the possible consequences of your self-disclosure. This, for two main reasons: one, I have zero experience with military life and culture (let alone with American military life and culture) and, two, every person's situation needs to be looked at on a case-by-case basis and I know nothing (or, actually, next to nothing) about your own.

All I'll say is this: be careful, be wise, and get yourself connected to two or three people you can trust as sounding boards for this intention of yours. As always, I wish you well, Nick, and I hope you'll find the time to enjoy who you are as you travel down your own very unique path.

Love,
CJ

Thank you, CJ, for your additional input here - I greatly appreciate it, and I hope this helps Nick, too!

Nick, I wanted to let you know that Elizabeth also addressed your questions, and she has posted it in the Coping for CD's section, titled "Answer to Nick", and this is the link:

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 7519#67519


Elizabeth - big hugs for you, too, for helping out when asked - I always value your input and enjoy reading your thoughtful and intelligent posts.

Again, I have no problems with anyone posting responses here to Nick's thread, especially regarding the discrimination issues. However, I really feel that more valuable contributions may be forthcoming in Elizabeth's thread above.

This Dear GG section is a group effort, and you've just proven that to be true. Thank you ever so much, ladies - you make me proud to be here!!!





- SL

Good to see you back Nick.

As I remember, we've already discussed being trans in the military with Nick (Celes).

Ah yes, see http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... tary#42328

Hi Nick, I remember you, by a different name, and I have only just started to come back to this forum myself.

I can only give you my thoughts, they do not represent all people here. Why I don’t ask Ggs “real” questions like how hard Ggs have had it in their lives, past and present, is because I have had to tough a time with my life to care about Ggs problems(no offence). While my problems are different from Ggs they are no less in their headaches. I do care about what Ggs went through and still go through, it’s just that to me, it’s doesn’t feel right asking a GG, let’s say “How tough it is for her in the workplace” when I can’t even get a job as a transgendered person. I still have to rely on men for my support, sort of like some women did in the past. Also, I really don’t care if a GG is whistled at in the street and gets angry about it, when I get a bottle thrown at me while walking in the same street. I am sorry but women have their problems and I feel sorry for them, but I am sometimes too wrapped up in my own problems to ask them these types of questions,, So, I try to come to the forum for fun things and to try to help others, but I can’t always handle the problem threads. I have too many problems of my own.


Nick, you also seem to have your mind set. I think this is a good thing. Go for what you want in life. There are no rules, especially when it comes to the transgendered. You can look upon being TG in any way you feel, rough skin, soft skin, frilly clothes or rough clothes.. All of these things aren’t important. What is important is what is inside of you. How you feel about yourself. If you are confident in what you are, then go ahead and live your life in this way. I wish you good luck on your journey.

In one aspect we are similar. You are a lesbian(a woman). I am a straight woman. I always was a straight woman, it’s just the outside of me didn’t think so. I also dress rough, I wear jeans 90% of the time, usually they are ripped and old Also, I wear army boots most of the time, but I am still a woman. The only thing with me is I like make-up on my face, and even then it is sort of on the extreme side of being a woman. Not many women wear make-up like I do. So. Like you, I don’t fit into all the “stereotype” features of a woman or Cds. But inside of me, I am a woman and that will never change no matter how I look on the outside. And if you feel on the inside that you are a “rough” lesbian then live your life and be proud, but also be careful, it will be rough for you.




The army part, I can not answer. I know nothing about it. Although I did date a sailor once.


Note: I know that my problems are self inflicted and womens' problems are not their fault in any way. I was not comparing why or who has it worse. i was just saying that I have too many problems of my own that sometimes I can't handle hearing other people's problems and struggles. I wasn't taking offence to anyone.


I'm sorry, I didn't realize this was a section for GGs to answer this thread, I followed a link from another thread to here without realizing which section the link sent me to.

Donna -

Thank you for the link to that In The Military thread. I do remember reading that in the past but I couldn't remember where it was in the forum. The comments in that thread is why I was so concerned about Nick 'coming out as Lynn' to his Unit.


Amelie -

Well said, and thank you for your input! I certainly did not take any offense to your comments, and I hope none of the other GG's do, either.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize this was a section for GGs to answer this thread, I followed a link from another thread to here without realizing which section the link sent me to.

No apologies are necessary for responding to any posts in this section! I only ask that the first response to any post in this section be from a GG.

If you take a look at any of the other posts in this section, including this post, you will see additional responses and tips from CD's, as well as the GG's. I would like this section to be a group effort, meaning both GG's and CD's, and that is exactly what is happening!

Thank you!




- SL

No, Nick, it doesn't bother me at all! I don't want to offend other GG's- this is purely speaking for me here- but I spend far more time thinking about my appearance than I do about discrimation against women. I can't recall ever being discriminated against as a woman so it is not an issue for me. The Sex Discrimination Act has been in place, in the UK, since 1974 so women here are protected by law, against discrimination.
I am far more concerned with discrimination and prejudice against transgendered people. This is because it affects me and my family and is one of the reasons I come to this forum. It is a far more real issue for us.
I am, of course, greatly concerned about outrageous crimes committed against women that are happening here and other parts of the world...honour killings in particular...where women are being murdered by family members for 'bringing disgrace on their families'. I wish there was something we could all do to stop that, but that discussion is for another time and place.

Love,
Curly(SO)