courage for your first time out

[Shania]

The first time out is stressful, so it the second, third....but it gets easier. It helps if you stay in a lot of hotels, then you can take baby steps. You can step out around 11ish or so after most people have gone to bed. Once you have the right clothes of course, or maybe not something that is ok for the public, depending on the hotel & area, LOL.
It seems to me, after a few trips out, you don't care what people think as much & you also notice that people just want to go about their business & most don't look twice at you(even though you are studying everyone coming your way).
It's hard nerve wracking to go out, but it's also fun & kind of addictive. Try it, you might like it! I do!...but I still have to drink a lot before I do it, but that's me.

[Anita]

It seems to me, after a few trips out, you don't care what people think as much & you also notice that people just want to go about their business & most don't look twice at you(even though you are studying everyone coming your way).

Hi Shania--
You may well be "studying everyone" those first few times, and it is tempting to keep doing it. I gave up on it because it seemed I blended in better when I didn't do it. This is a quote from one of my old posts:

Anita wrote:

We seemed to blend in as we strolled along. Early on in my outings, I broke myself of the habit of ‘scanning’ passerbys to see if they were noticing me. Scanning is something that young teenage girls do, or something that provocatively dressed older women do. Both those groups want to know "how they're doing," and they're looking for validation. Most women don’t scan, even though they are alert to their surroundings. Beginning CDs scan, because they’re on hyper-alert and wondering how well they’re doing. It’s a survival tactic the first few times out, but it’s better to break the habit as soon as possible. The less I scan, the longer I can go along unnoticed.

It's hard nerve wracking to go out, but it's also fun & kind of addictive. Try it, you might like it! I do!...but I still have to drink a lot before I do it, but that's me.

I hope you can get away from that, dear. You really need all your facilities out there in the world when you're presenting something that's 'different.'

[Shania]

Thanks for the input Anita, any pointers help. I know I shouldn't drink when I go out but it sure helps. It's dangerous going out dressed, there are still some haters who will probably try to beat me up just for dressing. Small towns, big cities, it doesn't matter where.

[AJ West]

It eventaully becomes second nature!

[Ralitsa]

I've never had anyone threaten me or try to beat me up, and for the last few years I've only worn womens styles, pretty much everywhere and all the time.
Actually I find that small towns are better, because even though everyone knows you, everyone also knows the people who may be obnoxious to you. The one time I was in a bar and some guy started being a jerk, his friends hustled him out and apologized for him. So public opinion works both ways, and is usually in favor of the person who is being polite and minding her own business.
I also would recommend that one goes out early in the morning, rather than late at night. The troublemakers are out at night, and early in the morning they are still sleeping it off. But if you go to a little coffee shop or cafe at 7am you will have no problems at all. And once the regulars there get to know you, they will watch out for you.
But I certainly would not go out late to dark and seedy places after I'd been drinking.

[Requal Jo]

I do not think I could muster the courage and confidence you have gained to go out Shania, even with a drink or two.

[Ginny Jones]

Hey Shania - I only started going out a few years ago and so that first trip out is still fresh in the memory. Like you - I started by venturing out late at night. Then a few girls on the forum gave me some good advice - don't do it (especially if you've been drinking)!

The trouble with going out at night is that the people you encounter are more likely to be drunk! If you are looking for trouble - late at night is when you are most likely to find it (which is why women don't tend to go out unescorted at such times). If you go out on your own then - you'll stand out like a sore thumb - even if you pass well!

Paradoxically - I would say that the safest place to be out and about whilst en femme is in a crowded area. This is certainly true in the UK. In crowds people are too busy avoiding each other to pay attention. Also they are less likely to react negatively because they are in a large group - and hence fear the response of others themselves.

I'm so glad you are enjoying venturing out. So make sure it's safe and you have fun girl!

Hugs Ginny xxx

[Anita]

One of the safest places to go during the day is a library. Another safe place is a large grocery store. I found that pushing a cart around a grocery store, I could go fairly unnoticed. Unlike the mall, there are not a lot of teens hanging around grocery stores.

[Shania]

AWESOME! Lots of great replies here! I know I shouldn't drink & go out at night but night is usually the only time I can & I drink because it gives me courage. But going 'out' is a progressive thing. What once was a crazy idea, is now do-able. It's a fun, nerve wracking adventure for sure. But I'd give it up in a second to be more 'normal'

[Carol Ann]

I agree with Anita,
I find going to Wal-Mart anytime of day or night is easy, my favorite time is about the time church is letting out and most of the ladies are dressed in their Sunday best so Carol Ann can also doll it up a notch or two

I have been almost anywhere as Carol and I find if you are comfortable with yourself just be you and don't worry, when you worry you have a trendily to tighten up and then you stand out.

Oh by the way. Carol Ann only drinks her beer at home never out when dressed

[Martina Hall]

Some good advice here, ladies. Going alone is way more hazardous than a group of 2 or more. Also more fun, even with "straight" folks. I have gone out alone, but with a friend is much more enjoyable. And never drink and drag.

[Kelly]

Be careful, dear, ladies are not alone late at night unless under duress. And remember, nothing good happens after midnight.

Kelly

[Heather W]

As someone who has not been out that long I definitely believe that every time out builds your confidence. Yes those first few times, even under the cover of darkness, are scary. Still if you don't take that first step you will be in the closet forever and that is no place for anyone to be. Just be careful and remember it at safer in the sunlight than the darkness of night.

[Trudy]

Going out is like cigarettes, very addictive. I know once I stared there was no turning back. Funny I still remember those first forays in he dark and that was back in 1978 I believe. Every time builds the confidence for the next. The girls here are right in be careful where you go and hen. Things have changed a lot since I first started going out and I know I am a lot more careful now. If you don't have someone to go with try public places as several have suggested. Even if you just go to the park an take a walk in the sunshine it is a lot safer there than a late night stroll in the bad part of town.