Nirvana

[Anne Bonny]

I keep thinking inside my head...over and over "I get to be who I am...I get to be who I am...I get to be who I am" and I am wondering why nobody can understand just how important is to just be able to be who you are? Why is it that no one is able to understand inside our selves this is who we are? And there should be absolutely nothing but positive acceptance as we drift on the air...telling us you are free.

[Ralitsa]

why nobody can understand just how important is to just be able to be who you are?

Yeah that's a really great question Anne. It seems like such an insignificant detail for the rest of the world, but so critically important to the individual. What the heck should anybody care about what I'm wearing????

But then, you know that raises the same question for all the other "others" out there. And I don't just mean the LGBT community which has dealt with this head on for a long time. But we can apply this to religious and ethnic persecution, disabilities, and a million other categories of people who are made to feel outsiders.
I do have to admit that earlier in my life I was not at all sensitive or compassionate towards many people. I would make the crude, insensitive, racist or sexist comment, and think it was just a joke. I don't think that I was actually racist or sexist, but it's a pretty thin distinction to try to make, between saying things and actually meaning them. Well I was wrong for doing that, and now I understand how easy it is to fall into the habit of just reflecting the behavior of people around you.

And I will say now that I think I am much more understanding, hopefully more sensitive and compassionate, hopefully less judgmental, and perhaps less obnoxious than I used to be. From that standpoint I think cross dressing has been good for me. I like myself more now than I used to. I mean there are some things, my hair is horrible, I need to lose about 10 pounds off my belly and wish I could add a few inches in other areas, I still can't get into a size 6 bottom more than 2 months after the Holidays...... but anyway.

So Anne, when you say that there should be nothing but positive acceptance, it makes me reflect on the times I have been less than accepting of people who are different. I suppose the middle east is now the prime example of hate, intolerance and killing everyone who is different, but there certainly are elements in western society that have the same attitude. Maybe my penance for being a jerk when I was young it to spread the good news that "cute clothes will make you happy".

[Anne Bonny]

Understanding has increased my tolerance and I do not add in to taunts that may be hurled...instead I try to shift such thinking if I can. I have reconnected with a provider I used to work with when I was in the service, he also took care of my wife, made the diagnosis and was very caring. I knew his orientation...no one has to erect a bill board over a person's head to understand what your senses tell you about a person. It is so great he messaged me back and may even stop by some time. Hum...I remember one Halloween in the clinic he wore a dress and a wig while seeing patients...I was so envious but too deep in my hiding especially professionally because we were in the military... Understanding and acceptance comes from mentioning what everyone has witnessed for their selves that there are young boys who are naturally very effeminate in body, mannerisms, and personality and who are gay that yes...people are born that way, and with gender variation too, like us. I am hetero, gender is a separate thing. I suppose I am much more socially moderate and we all should be because nobody knows better than we do that this is not an act or a compulsion for us we are like this because we were born this way.

We are all unique in appearance, personality, and nationality, in many different ways education, intelligence...but we all have an absolute right to be exactly who we are...we need to defend others when ignorance shows itself.

[Emily]

And there should be absolutely nothing but positive acceptance as we drift on the air...telling us you are free.

In a perfect society, I'm sure there would be nothing but positive acceptance. Unfortunately, society is not perfect - discrimination and intolerance still exists, but I think that collectively, we need to do what we can to change that way of thinking. We are all agents of change.

Society has come a long way thanks to all the brave ladies (and any other counter culture individual for that matter) who stood up for themselves, unafraid to proclaim "this is me!". I wish I could have the same courage, yet I hide, too scared to express myself to the outside world despite society's "acceptance".

Change starts from within - accept yourself, express yourself, and be a positive influence to others. Ultimately, that feeling of being free and acceptance will follow!

[Anne Bonny]

There are reasons for hiding...in the real world there are ways of not promoting a person and making it appear it is just performance, work habits, or something other than gender...There are also ways of firing someone to avoid stating it is because we do not want someone "like that" working for us... We have family, friends, acquaintances, society and it could prove to be a battle royal for us, we could lose our marriage, most if not all of our friends, be estranged from most or all of our family...

I hid until I was retired until I was financially secure, parents have passed, I have no friends, left the church I was a deacon...but I came to realize I have always been an agnostic, I really reengaged in the church for my wife who believes, but who was declining and in the early stages of Alzheimer's type Dementia...until the day came that she could no longer attend...her behavior became disruptive during a sermon and that was the end though I continued on for a time...but eventually I realized I understand it all...I just do not believe it absolutely and never did, I was making major rationalizations to cover for my agnosticism. So yeah, left the church too... my only remaining family live hundreds of miles away in Colorado and Texas and I have not seen them in over 5 years except for phone contact. My sons are adults one is now on his own, and the other is in College and half way there...

I am in an extremely strong position...no one can carry out any negative actons against me because I am gender fluid.

So I understand how difficult it is and why people feel they must absolutely hide. Of course the other reasons for hiding are because you have not done enough thinking about it all... you must thoroughly understand who you are and you must feel confident about it. Once you have achieved this you will have no difficulty at all telling anyone even in a dress and make up answering your front door...I'm gender fluid.

Out in public there is still trepidation because most in society while they will most likely make no problems for you at all will be polite and go their way...we know most disapprove and some may make comments, and a few may even become physical because they are so insecure about who they are and about their sexuality. So It will always take a little inner strength to forge ahead into the public space...but If we don't nothing will ever change for us...we are the ambassadors...even if we go quietly and do not draw any attention and talk to no one...people will see us, some will read us...huh...Male in feminine clothes with make up and jewelry! in their head...probably followed by the thought EW!...yuh!!!! let me get out of here.....

We face the intransigence the persistence and what will be a never ending opposition from Christian moralists seeking to impose only their view as the prevailing moral force seeking to crowd any other alternative morality from gaining a hold with society so we are fighting a kind of war to diminish the influence of Christian moral influence to make room for ours which allows everyone to have the freedom to be who they are as long as they harm no one. I mean we also stand against pedophiles, and criminals, theft, and violence, and bigotry...etc...there is a common morality and that morality would include everyone including ourselves. We have to push and be active agents to bring about this evolution of morality until everyone is free.