Irrational Thought?

[Emily]

I'm new here, but I wanted to ask a question... When going out en femme, do any irrational thoughts or fears creep up inside giving you seconds thoughts about even leaving the house?

Let me give you an example... I have gone out dressed three or four times. Each time I wonder to myself "what happens if I see someone I know" or "what happens if I get odd looks/stares, etc...?" The most irrational thought that has ever come to mind is the one where I am arrested for crossdressing, locked up in jail - key thrown away...

Do the clothes I wear cause anxiety to others? Do they know? Do they even care? I find as I get older, these thoughts seem to fade. I recently made the giant leap of actually going outside (for me, an accomplishment!) but every now and then, I get the jitters and decide to just stay put. Do any of you other ladies ever experience some kind of crazy fear?

[CharLee]

Lexi,

The first thing you have to do is get the idea out of your head that everybody knows it is you in women's clothing. If people you know don't know of this side of you, then in all propibility they won't recognize you as long as you act natural.

As for the odd stares, if you present yourself as a confident woman, let them stare, it comes with the territory. And in most states if the police stop you they are trained to treat you with the respect as they would any other woman.

[KimberlyS]

Lexi IMHO your title tells the true. In my thoughts, the worse case of how bad it will be is no where close to the good of reality. Our minds have a way of talking ourselves out of doing things.

"what happens if I see someone I know"

I have run into people I know when out and about multiple times. Once literally face to face and one time passing right next to them. They looked at me and just kept walking and did not even look back. Yea I looked. IMHO if you have a decent feminine presentation with blending clothing they will not know it is you. Makeup and wigs do wonders at changing looks.

"what happens if I get odd looks/stares, etc...?"

Women get looked at get use to it. To help with the looks make sure you have a blending look unless you want to stick out and be looked at more.

The most irrational thought that has ever come to mind is the one where I am arrested for crossdressing, locked up in jail - key thrown away...

Most cops are reasonable. Unless you are doing something wild or against the law you should not have any issues. I have been stopped for speeding. I gave him my ID and registration as he asked for. When he ask "this is your ID" I said yes it was me. I still got the speeding ticket. No jail time.

Do the clothes I wear cause anxiety to others? Do they know? Do they even care?

Anxiety I can not answer. Well yes I can, the clothes and my cding gave my ex lots of anxiety but a lot of things gave her anxiety that she refused to deal with as a couple. Other people in public i have are either seem ok with it or i am not with them long enough to tell.

Some realize I am a guy fairly quickly and do not seem to care, Some people when they realize I am a guy have the "pause" of reality adjustment, then slowly or suddenly seem to be ok with it. Others just are not sure what to think and just have a puzzled look. Might be interesting to be in their minds.

In my experience, the more our mind thinks about the worse that can happen, the worse our mind can make it. Reality is usually something completely different and better.

If people want to get out and about enfemme, I usually tell them to work up a blending, but not perfect look. If you want to know what is blending go scope out where you want to go and see what the GG's are wearing and wear similar. Where to go, I say go to a public place with a variety of people there. A mall or shopping at a store like wallymart, Kmart, Target, Kohls, or similar place is good. You do not need to by anything just look around like you are shopping. Pushing a shopping cart can make you feel safer and gives you something to hand on to. Go shopping for you general household stuff. Buy some TP, soap, shampoo, envelopes, or what ever.

I have been lucky, the worst that has ever happened to me was running into an older sales lady when shopping in male mode for femme clothes. She did not say any thing, just had the evil eye look at me the whole time I was in there. I just went and shopped some where else.

What is the worse that will happen, they will ask you to leave the store. Then leave with your head high and go shop at the next store that wants your money.

I have shopped some places enough they know me in either mode and treat me the same no matter which way I am presenting.

I could tell you lots of stories, but just go forth and have fun. The worst situations happen between your ears.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Emily]

Lexi IMHO your title tells the true. In my thoughts, the worse case of how bad it will be is no where close to the good of reality. Our minds have a way of talking ourselves out of doing things.

IMHO if you have a decent feminine presentation with blending clothing they will not know it is you. Makeup and wigs do wonders at changing looks.

Women get looked at get use to it. To help with the looks make sure you have a blending look unless you want to stick out and be looked at more.

In my experience, the more our mind thinks about the worse that can happen, the worse our mind can make it. Reality is usually something completely different and better.

As for the odd stares, if you present yourself as a confident woman, let them stare, it comes with the territory.

Very well put, ladies... thank you! Just seeing your posts and reading your words eases my mind so very much and means a lot.

With time, I'm sure I'll be more comfortable going out and leaving these thoughts at the door - one small step at a time!

[Requal Jo]

Lexi, you are many miles ahead of me. I still do not have the courage or confidence to go out dressed for many of the reasons you have stated. I can only wish that this dream may come true one day: just to experience the feeling.

[Marissa Mae]

Crazy fear, yes, that's a good name for it. I'm someone who would love, if the world were different, going out en femme. All the time!

But as it is, I'm scared. I dress in the house, sometimes in the yard if I think I'm unobserved. I am terrified that someone might catch me.

I know that's irrational! What's the worst that could happen? (Well, yes, being kicked by hyped-up youth ...) but realistically it would probably just be a minor embarrassment at most.

But it wouldn't be minor for me. I tend to get "wounded" pretty badly by little things. I would carry the scar of being caught—not to mention have to live with the consequences in the neighborhood—for a very long time. It's my own out-of-scale reaction I'm most worried about.

So for me part of being secure in myself is not going out dressed. Sometimes I do go out with forms under clothing, but only when I'm pretty sure I can get away unobserved.

Okay, that's this one person's pretty unrealistic state of mind, but it's what I need to heed. I don't see myself changing, no matter how many pep talks I may give myself. Maybe this is not unlike your feelings. Only you're braver than I am.

One more thing I think affects it: I rarely dress "all over," the complete nine yards. I'm in unisex clothes always, so dressing would mean forms, fixing my face and hair, putting on a skirt. Oh, flats too maybe. So my chances of escaping unrecognized because of a really good presentation are pretty small. That's a factor too.

(Interesting ... suppose I had to disguise myself as a woman ... like a spy or something ... then I'd have to make it good, maybe even too good a disguise to be caught. Hmmm...)

Marissa Mae

[Emily]

Lexi, you are many miles ahead of me. I still do not have the courage or confidence to go out dressed for many of the reasons you have stated. I can only wish that this dream may come true one day: just to experience the feeling.

Sometimes, Requal... dreams do come true!

One thing though that I feel I must clarify... Yes, I have gone out a few times but always undercover of the night; usually for a quiet evening stroll.

I tried once to go out and do some errands, but my worries got the better of me and I quickly turned the car around and headed back home. Not before managing to use the ATM, however.

[Nicci]

Hi Lexi,
Like you, I have been extremely anxious about going out in public, with the "anxiety meter" pegging the red line when I have come close to doing it. After delaying the inevitable for three years, I dressed and went to the local grocery store the other night, in a fit of "bold and brash", regretting the decision as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. As I walked into the store I was a nervous wreck, determined to exhibit a strong, confident gait and attitude...hard to do at 6'3" with thick grey long hair almost to my waist, mid-length skirt, boobs and light makeup. I got looked at...by virtually every man , woman, and child in the place...but was determined to stay the course, do my shopping, and get the Hell "out-of-Dodge". I noticed a couple of men seriously checking me out as I quickly navigated the aisles and my stomach clinched. I figured "uh oh, Damn.. I've been made and hurried to the counter". At the check out counter as I was leaving, the tall one of them stopped me to talk, and after a very short vague conversation, asked me for my phone number. I didn't give it to him, but he gave me his.
He looked to be about 30....I'm 60. I don't remember the drive home.
Just the smile on my face...and my saucy saunter across the parking lot. I checked. He watched it.
Oh...and I forgot the milk.
Be bold in your pursuit of who you are. You may be very surprised at the positives that surface in your life. The very fact that you ARE out and pursuing the best parts of you, is exceptional. Enjoy it.
Happy Trails,
Nicci

[Emily]

Thanks for sharing, Nicci!

Great ending to this experience - good for you! You are absolutely right - sometimes we just need to make that leap... find yourself, be yourself - the returns can be extremely rewarding. I'm sure of it!