The Talk!

[LeeAnne]

I have really been working trying to come to terms with my crossdressing and gender issues. Part of that was joining this forum, and another huge part of that is having "the talk" with my wife! As I have said in this forum, she has to know. It is rather obvious, and she has bought me women clothes before (robes, slippers, jackets - she has even encouraged me at times to wear some of her sweat pants, socks, etc... ) Then the way I dress just about everyday with some women's clothes. We just do not talk about it! A couple of times she has tried, and I just get scared and clam up or change the subject.

She left this morning to go to her office, and I was standing in kitchen doing the dishes, which is one of my favorite things to do when I want to think. There I was in my oversized men's white button down shirt that I sleep in, panties, and white knee high socks feeling feminine and thinking, I have got to have "the talk," and how far do I go after the talk?

Sometimes I want to live as female and maybe transition. Then I think "am I then a lesbian?" because I still love my wife and want to be married to her? Taking it a step farther, I want to be the feminine lesbian, and I want her to be the soft butch, so that is really crazy! She married a man not a woman! How will she respond? What would our friends think? And I guess it really comes down to feeling very vulnerable, and scared!

Does anybody else have these feeling?

[Ralitsa]

Let me preface this by saying that I have no idea what I'm talking about, and you really should get advice from someone who is qualified. That being said, I'm now going to jump up and offer my opinion on the subject.

From everything you've posted recently, it seems obvious that your wife wants to have this discussion, is giving you every opportunity to say something, and probably is not pressing the matter only because she is considerate of your fears. But girl, you gotta get over it and talk to her before her patience is used up.

Don't stand there washing dishes trying to guess what she is thinking, just ask her. If your theory is that you will wait until you know all the answers and have it all figured out, then that will never happen - it's a stupid theory. If it were me I'd skip the whole confession and explanation phase and just assume that she already knows as much about it as you do yourself, then just ask her how she feels about it, what she thinks on the subject, and tell her you need her help figuring it out. How far you go after that is what she will help you figure out at that time.

[Davita]

Hi Lee Anne,
Ralitsa has pretty much said all that needs to be said. You want to know what to do? Ask the better half.

[Anthony Simon]

The general thing of "where is this all going to end up" is something I've certainly felt. I don't know that I can help you much with it because I'm not sure what to do with it myself - but it's really about how you (I) make decisions in your (my) life.

My instincts, if they stay pretty much the same over a long period, are likely to be accurate - so I endeavour to do what I can to trust them.

[Noeleena]

Hi.

Talking is the issue , so if your not comfortable to talk then write every thing down then think about what you need to say, so from that over all writing take out what you think is importaint then do a copy give your SO one you have one as well and sit down have a cupper and go through it .

When you approach the subject try and think not as a male just remember we see and approach issues like this in a very different way. its not about facts or how to fix this its about Emotions that we have invested in our relastionships we don't try to fix , we have relastionships because we need them , we have other women about us because we are very social ,

Don't try and go hammer and tongs .

Why cant you just open up whats the real issue here,
you don't seem to be sure of your self what you ...NEED ... to do .is it a need or a wont,

Your right your SO married a male , not all of us wont to be married to a male who wonts to be like a woman and live like one , dressing is one thing and even that is not accepted by all women , and the thing is turn this around , how would you feel try and see it from our point not just the males point of view,

any one out side your close family will ether adjust or go their way , family is and can be very different and you know your family better than any one .

expect the worst and hope like mad for the best outcome,

Did you ever tell your SO before you were married . ??

Did you bring up you like dressing like women .and to take it futher,

or you just keeped that locked away till now,

This is not something you can sweep under the carpert once out every thing will change and quickly , so be carefull how you go about all this,

I was going to say.... PLEASE ...reassure your SO. if you carried on as a dresser, .

I some how think this wont be the case .

...Noeleena...

[Eileen (SO)]

LeeAnne, have you any idea how lucky you are? Your wife knows and accepts that you dress femme, she doesn't know how you feel. You also don't know what she thinks about all this.

Instead of waiting till you have all the answers sorted out, as that will never happen, ask her how she feels giving you items to wear.

You said that she has tried to ask and you clam up. You're shutting her out and that's not fair to her. It's hard for men to say or admit, "I don't know". Try it and let her lead the conversation.

Don't think that everything will resolved in one conversation. After a small start, you'll both feel better.

Eileen

[Anthony Simon]

You said that she has tried to ask and you clam up. You're shutting her out and that's not fair to her.

My read would rather be that LeeAnne's wife understands this is difficult for LA and is trying to enable the conversation without pushing too hard. I admire her for doing this, for her patience.

[Eileen (SO)]

Agreed, Anthony. LeeAnnes wife is patient, more so than I was at the time.
At some point though, a wife that has offered feminine clothing deserves an honest conversation.

To the best of her capabilities, LeeAnne has to open up to her wife. It's only fair to be as honest as one can be as a couple.

Eileen