How do I FEEL?
Good question. Tough question for many of us. Having XY Chromosomes was just a small part of the thousands of genetic variations that I could have received in the genetic lottery.
I am, what I am. Now what is AM? (Not amplitude modulation, or ante meridiem) my state of mind, of being, of body, of my environment that I choose. . .
Most of my daily interaction, for work, pleasure or other occurs as a man. I suspect many of my fellow voyagers on this journey overlook some of the advantages. For instance, being an RN, I never worry about calling a doctor in the middle of the night for some overlooked ministerial order for a patient. Being assertive, makes for much better interactions. I don't have to worry about monthly cycles of repetitive shedding of a uterine wall. I don't have wide emotional variability due to those cycles. Being the person the other female RN's come to for help opening bottles is nice, but always being called to help move large patients is a proverbial "female dog". Yeah, I'm a real He-man, with a gut that looks like it belongs on a duluth trading company commercial for underwear. . (sorry, couldn't resist the chance to implant a little mental imagery.)
I HAVE, unlike most of the men around, (maybe 2% to 7% cross dressers?) Can choose to assert my feminine side, dress as a woman, assert my assumed identity and revel in something that would terrify most men.
I CAN wear a bra and forms, panties, womens shoes every day and no one notices. No one cares. I feel better when I do that. It is my little secret! While talking with someone, the thought dances in my mind that, "I have boobs, I am secretly dressed RIGHT HERE IN PUBLIC! So there general public!
I CAN freely choose between the two. I am not trapped in either sphere, but can move to some degree between them. Most cannot, and would not. . I think Martha G put it well:
Martha G wrote:I like being a man.
I am basically a man who loves to dress and act like a woman at times.
I feel so relaxed in feminine attire and makeup. I enjoy showing off my feminine side . I have developed some feminine mannerisms as well.
. . .
But when the dress and makeup is off. I am back to being my male self.
However I have to say I thoroughly enjoy dressing and acting like a woman.
In general terms, that is it. I can choose. I am aware that going to a doctor and getting put on Testosterone suppressing meds, and low dose of estrogen variants would make my body more feminine . .
BUT SEX DRIVE. . .diminishes. It's based on Testosterone, in both men and women. I enjoy, (forgive me here) being able to ejeculate and have normal orgasms.
I am happy with twigs and berries that function as they should!
I am contented as a man, who can act like a woman when I wish.