When do you crossdress? When you're happy or all the time?

[Shelby]

I raise this question because of an issue that arose last night. My wife and I had a somewhat heated argument, the topic is irrelevant to this question so I will not go into details.
Until last night I had been feeling pretty good about Shelby and didn't hesitate to bring her out to share the evenings with my wife. I felt secure, open and free to express that side of me.

After our argument I felt like I didn't want to be Shelby, at least not for a while. I felt the need to retreat and become isolated; didn't feel as open and safe (for lack of a better word).

I love my wife with all my heart and she feels the same about me but, I think due to events that took place during my very early childhood (7-8 years of age) I always find it very difficult to let people into my life and, when things get rattled, like last night, I want to retreat.

So, since I am not feeling all that "up" I don't feel like being Shelby right now. So the question I raise is; do you normally just dress when you're feeling good about life and yourself or is the urge so strong that it doesn't matter if you're involved in some sort of turmoil?

Karen Ski: if you happen to read this I apologize for how I acted in the chat last night; I should never have logged in and did not mean to leave so abruptly.

[Bernice]

I don't see anything unusual or wrong with your reaction. Your feelings strike me as perfectly normal. Retreating to the closet so as to be prepared to abandon ship on short notice is a normal coping mechanism. We wear what we wear as an expression of our feelings. Lucky me, I haven't worn pants since Saturday afternoon. But if we have a heated disagreement, the pants may come back on. The key is to prevent disagreements from becoming heated in the first place.

I have only two rules for marriage. #1: Don't sweat the small stuff, and #2, it is ALL small stuff.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Amanda R]

Shelby you didn't go into the incident when you were young so there may even be a link there however based on what you have said I do have a theory.

You talk about how you enjoy sharing being Shelby with your wife. If you and your wife are upset with each other then you may not feel happy with her and as you associate enjoying your femme side by sharing it with her you put Shelby in the closet until you work it out with your wife. Once that issue is resolver I would not be surprised to see Shelby reemerge.

For the record couple who love each other do argue and the closer they are as in a marriage arguments are bound to happen and healthy. It allows the air to be cleared. Most times the argument is over a small issue but there are underlying issues that come out. Take the first step and kiss and make up. You don't need to apologize for the argument but rather say something like "I am sorry you took what I said the wrong way.."

[CathyAnn]

Hi Shelby, I too tend to back away from my fem side when My wife and I have a little spat. I think I do it just to make sure it's me and not CathyAnn that she's upset with at the moment. My wife is totally okay with CathyAnn so I'm pretty sure it's me. And usually we make up quickly as we can't stay mad at each other for long. CathyAnn is fairly new for us and I guess I'm A little unsure of myself sometimes but I sure I'll get over it soon. My wife is very understanding so I don't think I should be worried about her, just me.

[Robyn]

In direct response to the question; Currently I dress all the time, it doesn't matter if I’m involved in some sort of turmoil. However, I can certainly relate Shelby, as in the past there were occurrences that set my femininity back into hiding.

The feelings and emotions attached to our gender presentation can be intimately private. This often creates a sensitivity that can easily be disrupted, and for that reason alone it’s totally normal to withdraw from something that may make us feel vulnerable.

Shelby’s alive and well, and she’ll be back :-)

[Lacey Hadley]

When I decide to dress fully as Lacey, hair, make up, clothes, shoes etc, I do it when I feel the urge to let me feminine side have her time. I am most at ease, lowest amount of life stress and I have some of the most enjoyable time when I make the effort to be all out as Lacey. It may take me between 45-60 minutes to get all done up, the work into doing so leads to peace of mind.

Taking time to think about an outfit to wear, which colour of wig, shoes or boots and what makeup choices I will wear as Lacey is the best part of getting dolled up. The work in doing it all can be tedious at times as again it takes me between 45-60 minutes to become Lacey en femme. But in the end the time dressed as a girl, dressed as Lacey is worth it.

[ReneeElizabeth]

i only dress on occasion, when i am stressed is when i find myself wanting to be renee, even if it's only for an hour or two, dressing in women's attire and makeup really helps curb my anxiety and stress level

[Requal Jo]

When Requal comes to life it reduces my stress level and relaxes me. Yes, as you do Shelby, Requal "goes on the backburner" when my wife is upset or not herself.

I believe it is something to do with my wife requiring the "man she married and loves" to play his role and be supportive of her current situation.

[Anne Bonny]

Of course life events that are quite stressful and emotional can interfere with how we feel. We are not like most people who live a conventional life between the narrow lines living half of the spectrum because we are, all people are unique and different. We are people who will never be satisfied with the narrow lines of convention because we are not like other people at all.

Our gift is in our filling the entire spectrum when everyone else is limited to half or less of that. Our emotions, our desires and moods and our heart will never allow us to be limited in that way.

When we ditch the labels, and all of the analysis and all of the thinking to simply be who we happen to be that is the liberation it is at that point that we really begin to lose all of the baggage we have been carrying and it is at this point that our lives really begin from that point and forward from now and for the rest of our lives.

It is very difficult when the person you love is struggling to understand who you happen to be because for whatever reason they formed an idea that you are like most other people. They believe this is a choice you have made to do what you are doing...failing to see that you have not made a choice at all...you were born this way, and you are simply allowing yourself to be who you are and have always been inside.

I don't know how things will work out with the person you love...but if she loves you over time she will begin to understand and will come to accept and to love who you just happen to be. My wife did but it took a couple years many small conversations sometimes around the edge and some more direct. She loved ME more in the end, she really loved me. Hope it works out for you.