I am transgender

[Anne Bonny]

I have thought this through and feel that I need to say this, maybe even to people in that Facebook group? Who knows where it could lead...I find it so easy to dive into the storm shelter to hide but I have to get over all of that...Everyone who was there for me in life as advisers (not my children) but my immediate and closest advisers are all gone...dead. I am now free finally to move on, As I sit around here in feminine attire inside my own home at peace perfectly free and free of judgement and criticism from others. I am happy. I am happy because I am able to be who I am. It has been a long time coming. I have been practically full timing it, even pulled the male briefs from my underwear drawer and purchased more female briefs to wear instead. I am free. I have of course a way to go with this because I am still jostled about mentally over all of this when it comes to leaving my home and going out. There are people and I in particular have one person I love who I know will absolutely not accept me, they will accept the person I hide in and have hidden in all of my life...my male persona and presentation. My mind is a mix somewhere in between I am not sure where one ends and the other begins. I am not two people I am only the one and seems the one leans and is happy where I am in this moment.

Research into the transgender brain is beginning to reveal we share in common aspects of the brains of those whose gender we share. It is beginning to provide us with some validation for why we are who we are, and who we have been all of our lives. I cannot remember a time since I became aware of something I did not understand at about age 9, that I felt I wanted and needed to wear female clothing and to be as girls are. I am simply not able to live without being able to be as women are inside. I may drift to my male side...for comfort, for safety, for my own survival free of judgement and ridicule? To hide? Did my early shyness have something to do with this? But am drawn to be a girl and it has been this way my entire life. I may be heterosexual but I am also a woman in some unexplained way. My wife died April 7 of Alzheimer's dementia. I face the reality that I may never find another companion because of who I am. I am beginning slowly to come out more. Last night I had to pause to think...why are you going to attend church dressed as the women who will be present? I am not making a spectacle of myself, I am not an exhibitionist seeking sexual thrills. And I could hide in a male presentation because I have been forced to for my own survival my whole life or I could not have lived the life I had...tortured as it was. I am only now coming out because I'm now free to do so, to be honest about who I really am. I am not able to not be who I am. I am honestly not able to be any other way. And If I am not able to find love and a woman partner again in the latter part of my life because I am as she is then I will be alone again because I am not able to be any other way than to be who I am. A nurse practitioner was here once to re certify my wife for continuation of hospice services....I was in a dress because I was out to those here to assist us. She asked "Are you happy like that?" I said yes I am. And that is what it's really all about isn't it? Finally being able to be happy with myself and to be at peace. The visit continued on without another word said about it...isn't that as it should be? So I was born with a male's body but on the inside I feel very different there is some drift but I am drawn to be as women are...and if I am considered and treated as such it is because I am.

Most people are simply going to refuse or simply fail to understand...it's not easy to figure out. Many will, thank you! Personally call me Anne and use female pronouns for me unless I am presenting male for some reason. Even then I'll not object it is who I am after all though George and male pronouns would seem to fit at those times. You can call me a woman, or a lady or a girl that I'll also take as a complement or as acceptance or from your being considerate and nice.