OH!!! It is about being who I am!!!

[Anne Bonny]

It is not about "being like" or about "fitting in" or "dressing like" or "moving like" or "talking like or "looking like" on and on... It struck me this morning and we do need to listen to ourselves! We use labels well I used to use labels and hang on them as if they were necessary to talk about who I happen to be. It is not any of the above! Rather, it is simply about being exactly who we are and have always been inside ourselves! It is about our personalities. I have never altered my mannerisms or voice least I got that bit correct because if you are doing that you may as well be on stage with a script in hand because that is assuming a role, it really is an act and if you are acting you are not being who you really are. I have always seen that but I have always missed the mental side of things in a way...by how I was trying to understand who I am. I have a personality, so do you...good luck altering that. You have mannerisms and a voice...all of that happens to be as they are and they are as they are and you do not even think about them. I will say transexuals who have transitioned do train their voice and it does take an effort until their new voice becomes habitual so that they have to think to switch back to their male voice, so I will give them that as valid and If I were to transition I would see that as a necessary part of the process.

But the huge shift I believe started for me once I finally achieved an understanding of myself, and have now come to see that who I am is present all the time like a metal that is an alloy or combination of two metals that are melted down and mixed and are after they are cooled down...one alloyed metal...existing together as one and the same. My personality, my thoughts, interests, desires, emotions, likes and dislikes and moods etc are who I am. and now it is simply about living and being who I am. I do like things that are "female"...and I do enjoy them same as anyone else...and I do like being with and enjoy being around women because I like many of the same things and we do share some of the same interests and we do think alike in some ways because this happens to be who I am. It is about living and simply being who you happen to be. I also get along with men and I fit in with them and am like them in many ways, I talk like them, move like them, and look like and dress like them...touche! But I do have a difference from them and am not exactly like men are though I have a male body and brain! But I also have a difference from women. Hey I was not born female so obviously cycling, sex, conception, pregnancy, birth, lactation, mothering instinct....I do not produce female hormones and am not subject the their effects...That is an enormous chunk of what it is to be a woman...way way up there in the percentages along with the born and raised and socialized part from childhood...what 50-75% of what it is to be a woman!? Even so we perceive inside of who we are on this site that we are female in part to some degree inside of our head...If we were not we would not be as or who we happen to be.

So It is about relaxing, taking a deep breath and simply living and being who we happen to be. preferring what we prefer, enjoying what we enjoy, being with and who we prefer to be with and around and following our interests and our dreams...so happens in many ways we seem to be running parallel or are on the same path women happen to be on sometimes because this is a sizable part of who we happen to be and I love being who I am. It is wonderful isn't it? Someone a gg I message a lot told me I seem to be 25%...many are much more but even those who transition recognize because of how they were born part of who they are does not exist and is beyond experience tragically denied them because of an accident of their genetics.