Well jayDee - Congratulations! If you want to expand on what happened we would like to know, if not we will understand. If you do choose to tell us I hope you will let us know what your feeling are toward your cross-dressing. I won't say more, other than I am glad your counselor seemed comfortable with your approach. God Bless and Good Luck and we are here for you,
Love,
Deborah
Telling my Counsellor (not sure how).
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Loretta Ann
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JayDee
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Deborah said
It has made me deceitful and secretive and has driven a big wedge between myself and my wife,and whilst I have had a lot of support from my wife I know that deep down she wishes I didn,t get these urges to crossdress.I wish I could be the man she thought she married.
However I realise that before I can expect my wife to accept me for what I am I have to accept it myself.I have to accept the fact that I enjoy dressing in womens clothes and I will probably continue to do it for the foreseeable future.
I would be lying if I came here and pretended that I had suddenly found peace and acceptance within myself when really all I have is emotional turmoil.
I feel that crossdressing has made a huge difference to the way I deal with my emotions and in some ways has made me avoid emotion altogether.It is only recently that I have been able to express myself emotionally to my wife and feel that I have wasted a huge amount of time being cold and impassionate when things could have been so much better if I hadn't had this secret holding me back.
I'm sorry if I sound bitter and angry but thats how I feel,and to be honest if I could take a pill and make it go away then I would.It has had a huge effect on my life and it is only now that I am starting to realise just how much.
I have not only been lying to my wife and family but also to myself for many years and all because I didn't have the courage to stand up and admit to being a crossdresser.I know now that being a crossdresser is not such a terrible thing but what it turned me into is far worse,I am sure that in time I will become more comfortable with the fact that I am what I am but I can't help thinking how much happier I could have been without it.
If it looks like I am contradicting myself then I probably am after all I DO LIKE dressing in womens clothes I just don't like that I like it.
So after you have read all that you maybe confused,I know I am - maybe in time things will become clearer but right now I am not sure.
JayDee
](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall")
To be perfectly honest at this moment in time I wish more than anything that I had never been a crossdresser.I feel rather than regard it as a gift it has been more of a burden to me.If you want to expand on what happened we would like to know, if not we will understand. If you do choose to tell us I hope you will let us know what your feeling are toward your cross-dressing.
It has made me deceitful and secretive and has driven a big wedge between myself and my wife,and whilst I have had a lot of support from my wife I know that deep down she wishes I didn,t get these urges to crossdress.I wish I could be the man she thought she married.
However I realise that before I can expect my wife to accept me for what I am I have to accept it myself.I have to accept the fact that I enjoy dressing in womens clothes and I will probably continue to do it for the foreseeable future.
I would be lying if I came here and pretended that I had suddenly found peace and acceptance within myself when really all I have is emotional turmoil.
I feel that crossdressing has made a huge difference to the way I deal with my emotions and in some ways has made me avoid emotion altogether.It is only recently that I have been able to express myself emotionally to my wife and feel that I have wasted a huge amount of time being cold and impassionate when things could have been so much better if I hadn't had this secret holding me back.
I'm sorry if I sound bitter and angry but thats how I feel,and to be honest if I could take a pill and make it go away then I would.It has had a huge effect on my life and it is only now that I am starting to realise just how much.
I have not only been lying to my wife and family but also to myself for many years and all because I didn't have the courage to stand up and admit to being a crossdresser.I know now that being a crossdresser is not such a terrible thing but what it turned me into is far worse,I am sure that in time I will become more comfortable with the fact that I am what I am but I can't help thinking how much happier I could have been without it.
If it looks like I am contradicting myself then I probably am after all I DO LIKE dressing in womens clothes I just don't like that I like it.
So after you have read all that you maybe confused,I know I am - maybe in time things will become clearer but right now I am not sure.
JayDee
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Loretta Ann
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Hi again JayDee.
It is good that you are able to share these things with us, You certainly seem to have a good understanding of the situation you have found yourself in.
You have every right to feel bitter and angry,
and to be honest (with you also) if I could have taken a pill and made it go away then I would have done that..
For me life has been anything but fair, and I see you are no exception. There is a huge blessing for you once you get through this,
but it may not be easy getting there. 
Wishing you continued success with your struggle.
It is good that you are able to share these things with us, You certainly seem to have a good understanding of the situation you have found yourself in.
You have every right to feel bitter and angry,
and to be honest (with you also) if I could have taken a pill and made it go away then I would have done that..For me life has been anything but fair, and I see you are no exception. There is a huge blessing for you once you get through this,
but it may not be easy getting there. Wishing you continued success with your struggle.
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Beauty
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Hi JayDee,
I understand you frustration and it is warranted.
As odd as this may seem, I've heard there are testosterone blockers that will, over time (1 month) aid you in your desire not to dress. You have to talk to you doctor because this medication is only available via prescription.
The two negatives are (without monitoring) you could get liver damage and two, your libido will go to close to zero. In a sense you become a Eunuch.
I DO NOT suggest you or anyone do this because I believe most, if not all of us, at sometime feel the same way you do. I wish you the best!!!
Beauty
I understand you frustration and it is warranted.
As odd as this may seem, I've heard there are testosterone blockers that will, over time (1 month) aid you in your desire not to dress. You have to talk to you doctor because this medication is only available via prescription.
The two negatives are (without monitoring) you could get liver damage and two, your libido will go to close to zero. In a sense you become a Eunuch.
I DO NOT suggest you or anyone do this because I believe most, if not all of us, at sometime feel the same way you do. I wish you the best!!!
Beauty
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RikkiOfLA
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Hi Jay Dee,
Like you, I have had times in my life when I wished I were not a crossdresser. It is certainly not an easy road to walk. The "fun" image that we project does almost nothing to help the real loneliness, fear, and shame we often feel.
Beating ourselves up over it accomplishes nothing except adding to the despair. We can't fix ourselves that way. There is no straight and narrow to walk.
It sounds, from what I read, that your wife may be more supportive than you give her credit for. Sounds like she remembers that you got married "for better or worse." That's an important fact to remember. The years of marriage are far from the kindest years of life for anyone. Aging takes its toll. All men who have been married a few years wish they could be "the man she married." We'd love, at least, to have his body, with what we know today. There isn't a person alive who wouldn't do some things differently.
But we don't have that choice.
You have one day to live. And that's today. Your assignment is to make today the best you possibly can, if not for yourself, at least for someone else.
To the best of our knowledge, you ARE a crossdresser. That is a reality, and there's nothing you can do to change that, apparently. But you can focus on being the best crossdresser you can possibly be--the most loving, sensitive husband, the most creative, innovative worker, and so on. Being a crossdresser gives you an edge in some areas of life, as surely as it limits you in others. When we emphasize the positive edge it gives us, we begin to discover the reasons why the world can be a better place because we've been here.
Like you, I have had times in my life when I wished I were not a crossdresser. It is certainly not an easy road to walk. The "fun" image that we project does almost nothing to help the real loneliness, fear, and shame we often feel.
Beating ourselves up over it accomplishes nothing except adding to the despair. We can't fix ourselves that way. There is no straight and narrow to walk.
It sounds, from what I read, that your wife may be more supportive than you give her credit for. Sounds like she remembers that you got married "for better or worse." That's an important fact to remember. The years of marriage are far from the kindest years of life for anyone. Aging takes its toll. All men who have been married a few years wish they could be "the man she married." We'd love, at least, to have his body, with what we know today. There isn't a person alive who wouldn't do some things differently.
But we don't have that choice.
You have one day to live. And that's today. Your assignment is to make today the best you possibly can, if not for yourself, at least for someone else.
To the best of our knowledge, you ARE a crossdresser. That is a reality, and there's nothing you can do to change that, apparently. But you can focus on being the best crossdresser you can possibly be--the most loving, sensitive husband, the most creative, innovative worker, and so on. Being a crossdresser gives you an edge in some areas of life, as surely as it limits you in others. When we emphasize the positive edge it gives us, we begin to discover the reasons why the world can be a better place because we've been here.
Love and respect,
Rikki
Rikki
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JayDee
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RickiOfLA Wrote
I know that before I confessed to my secret that she trusted me wholeheartedly - a trust which I repayed with lies and deceit.
I know I am very lucky that she is being supportive but the fact that we got married for better or for worse cannot possibly take account of something like this.
I wish I had told her before we married then she could have made her own choice based on the facts whether she still wanted to marry me rather than finding out now that I have been pretending to be something I am not.
I am in no doubt about how supportive my wife has been but I still cannot help feeling that I have let her down in a big way by hiding this from her.
It sounds, from what I read, that your wife may be more supportive than you give her credit for. Sounds like she remembers that you got married "for better or worse." That's an important fact to remember. The years of marriage are far from the kindest years of life for anyone. Aging takes its toll. All men who have been married a few years wish they could be "the man she married." We'd love, at least, to have his body, with what we know today. There isn't a person alive who wouldn't do some things differently.
I know that before I confessed to my secret that she trusted me wholeheartedly - a trust which I repayed with lies and deceit.
I know I am very lucky that she is being supportive but the fact that we got married for better or for worse cannot possibly take account of something like this.
I wish I had told her before we married then she could have made her own choice based on the facts whether she still wanted to marry me rather than finding out now that I have been pretending to be something I am not.
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Tea Cake
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thoughts for you
Jay Dee, I've just read your posts as I've been away for a bit...you are so honest and true in your writing. I'm grappling with depression/anxiety too. For some reason I'm in a small bright spot for the moment...I cherish it and can only wish you'll get some relief too!It came without warning. There is so much wisdom in this thread that I find myself re-reading and thinking...I would like to offer this thought:
--- when your mind and body start creating a constant state of troubled alertness that lasts for weeks or months....you have to forgive yourself for obsessive behaviors and really strong emotional feelings that come with that.They come from living in that state---not from who you are. Depression is tough territory, but each step you're taking through it is on the way out of it. You are being REALLY proactive and sound like HONESTY is a huge part of you.There is a strength in you that is woven through your words.
I think depression and anxiety can prey on really bright and focused people---people sensative to others-(retrospect COUNTS!)--and really really earnest people who admit to their own faults and are looking for signs of truth...remember,you are as much from the world as the wind and trees. Difference is our path seems disguised at times. It's hard to recognize the world in ourselves.
seems like our Western culture points us towards HARD? TRY HARDER! ---good for a lot of situations but---that intense focus might make it harder to shake some aspects of depression.
Still a mystery to me how to calmly stand and let it begin to pass through. How to non-act towards issues that are so REAL>>>I truly wish you a break from those lows.>>>>and I really admire your honest writing--------
Tea-cake
--- when your mind and body start creating a constant state of troubled alertness that lasts for weeks or months....you have to forgive yourself for obsessive behaviors and really strong emotional feelings that come with that.They come from living in that state---not from who you are. Depression is tough territory, but each step you're taking through it is on the way out of it. You are being REALLY proactive and sound like HONESTY is a huge part of you.There is a strength in you that is woven through your words.
I think depression and anxiety can prey on really bright and focused people---people sensative to others-(retrospect COUNTS!)--and really really earnest people who admit to their own faults and are looking for signs of truth...remember,you are as much from the world as the wind and trees. Difference is our path seems disguised at times. It's hard to recognize the world in ourselves.
seems like our Western culture points us towards HARD? TRY HARDER! ---good for a lot of situations but---that intense focus might make it harder to shake some aspects of depression.
Still a mystery to me how to calmly stand and let it begin to pass through. How to non-act towards issues that are so REAL>>>I truly wish you a break from those lows.>>>>and I really admire your honest writing--------
Tea-cake-
Beauty
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JayDee
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Tea-cake wrote
As for honesty,again I am only being so honest now after being shown the error of my ways - again by my wife.I am actually thoroughly ashamed of the way I have treated her by lying to her for so long.
So whilst I am now coming to terms with the fact that I am a Crossdresser and can now admit it to myself,my wife and my counsellor I cannot come to terms as yet with what it has made me - although I am working on it.
I do feel however that I have taken some positive steps and can now see some light at the end of the tunnel.
THank you for your kind words however I cannot take the credit for being proactive as my wife had a huge part convincing me that I was actually depressed and needed to see my doctor.Without her insistence I would have probably carried on burying my head in the sand and ignoring how I felt.You are being REALLY proactive and sound like HONESTY is a huge part of you.There is a strength in you that is woven through your words
As for honesty,again I am only being so honest now after being shown the error of my ways - again by my wife.I am actually thoroughly ashamed of the way I have treated her by lying to her for so long.
So whilst I am now coming to terms with the fact that I am a Crossdresser and can now admit it to myself,my wife and my counsellor I cannot come to terms as yet with what it has made me - although I am working on it.
I do feel however that I have taken some positive steps and can now see some light at the end of the tunnel.
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Sally
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telling my counsellor (not sure how)
Hello Jaydee,
Well it's plain to see you are making great progress. It takes time and each step has to fall in place before taking the next one. You have the support of your wife and by what you say she is guinely concerned and interested in your welfare, so as long as you keep the communication up with her I can see every possibility you will find the peace and comfort you seek in your life.
Remember, the only thing we get looking back is a stiff neck, we can't do anything about yesterday, it's gone, but if we do a good enough job of today then tomorrow will take care of itself. The past is the past, what we did we can't undo, but we have the power within us to make today and the future what we want it to be.
No one is perfect and those imperfections we have are what makes us perfect, if you know what I mean. We have all said and done things in our life which if we had the chance over we may have done different, but thats' impossible, so we have to look to the future. You have taken the step forward and you have people genuinely interested in your well being, your wife obviously loves you dearly so you have the ingredients to make a wonderful life for you both.
If your wife has forgiven you then the last step is for you to forgive yourself. Being a crossdresser is obviously part of your personality, the same as the colour of your eyes, hair and skin. It's not our fault that the community have an attitude towards us which they may try to make us feel guilty for who we are. Being who we are is nothing to be ashamed of, it's a birth given part of us and we really have no valid reasons to feel guilt.
That light at the end of the tunnel will just keep getting brighter and brighter, I have a good feeling about it all for you. Keep
My Kindest Regards.
Sally.
Well it's plain to see you are making great progress. It takes time and each step has to fall in place before taking the next one. You have the support of your wife and by what you say she is guinely concerned and interested in your welfare, so as long as you keep the communication up with her I can see every possibility you will find the peace and comfort you seek in your life.
Remember, the only thing we get looking back is a stiff neck, we can't do anything about yesterday, it's gone, but if we do a good enough job of today then tomorrow will take care of itself. The past is the past, what we did we can't undo, but we have the power within us to make today and the future what we want it to be.
No one is perfect and those imperfections we have are what makes us perfect, if you know what I mean. We have all said and done things in our life which if we had the chance over we may have done different, but thats' impossible, so we have to look to the future. You have taken the step forward and you have people genuinely interested in your well being, your wife obviously loves you dearly so you have the ingredients to make a wonderful life for you both.
If your wife has forgiven you then the last step is for you to forgive yourself. Being a crossdresser is obviously part of your personality, the same as the colour of your eyes, hair and skin. It's not our fault that the community have an attitude towards us which they may try to make us feel guilty for who we are. Being who we are is nothing to be ashamed of, it's a birth given part of us and we really have no valid reasons to feel guilt.
That light at the end of the tunnel will just keep getting brighter and brighter, I have a good feeling about it all for you. Keep
My Kindest Regards.
Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
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Elizabeth
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Same situation here
I have been seeing a therapist for 5 weeks now and still have not told her. I was concerned about telling a woman. Women just do not look at sexual obsessions the way men do. While i am sure she will understand the nature of crossdressing, I doubted that she could truely understand male sexuality. However after reading what everyone said, I have decided to tell her. I mean it really don't matter, and she may indeed be less judgemental than a man. In the end it prolly don't really matter. I will let everyone know how it goes.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth
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Beauty
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JayDee
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Elizabeth
I have been to see my counsellor 3 times now and I am so glad I came clean and told her straight away,it means we can now get on and actually deal with the things I feel need working on.
After telling my counsellor I have also found it becoming increasingly easier to discuss things openly with my wife.This has been one of my major problems ie communication.
You will feel better once you have got over the initial disclosure.
Good Luck
JayDee
I have been to see my counsellor 3 times now and I am so glad I came clean and told her straight away,it means we can now get on and actually deal with the things I feel need working on.
After telling my counsellor I have also found it becoming increasingly easier to discuss things openly with my wife.This has been one of my major problems ie communication.
You will feel better once you have got over the initial disclosure.
Good Luck
JayDee