As a woman, I can touch people!

[Allena]

My experience in touching other people seems a bit different.

I've always tried to be a "huggy" type of guy.
With the guys, at least the ones I don't know well, it's the old stiff arms around the shoulders while patting the back, routine.
With men and women I do know well enough, it's an embrace.
Luckily for me, my closest friends and family (including my wife's family) have responded well to my overtures of need.
Yes, I really NEED that kind of confirmation that I am liked/loved.
I realized this many years ago, that due to my background, I have always longed for a physical and emotional closeness with people.
Since I've felt disappointed more than once with the closeness in my own family, I've searched it out anywhere and everywhere I can...by hugging, or a gentle touch on the shoulder, etc.

As for kids, I had the opportunity to work at my daughter's school for a couple of years teaching Perceptual Motion (something akin to P.E. but focusing on other issues besides body strength and stamina).
This was with K - 3rd graders.
These kids want support from adults.
They want to hug!
I was warned early on about being alone with a kid, inappropriate touching, etc.
I decided that I could receive and give an "APPROPRIATE" HUG to a child.
We all can!
I figured out how to turn my body, and how to place my arm so that I felt comfortable about the hug not being misconstrued by the child or any other adult.
To this day, several years later, I still have some of those kids who see me at my daughter's middle school or at the grocery store etc., and they run up to me calling out "Mr. Allen, Mr. Allen!", and they throw their arms around me.
I still turn my side slightly to them and give them a comforting one armed hug, act like they are the one person in the world I'm so glad to see, and look around for the parents or other guardian to see what their reaction is!

Many of the parents know me from around town, or from when I taught at school, so this big bearded man hugging their kid doesn't elicit any outward alarm. Sometimes if I don't recognize the parent, or if it's a different adult guardian, I'll introduce myself and mention how I used to work at the child's school.

Anyway...touching has not been so foreign to me.
It is quite interesting to hear of all your experiences both in drab and in drag.
I certainly hope everyone can eventually work the "ability to touch", into their male rituals. It's really nice to be able to do it no matter who you are!

[Anita]

Yes, I'd like to integrate more touch into everyday life. My nephew back in Ohio is an inspiration to me. He's a family man in his 40s, and he is following a very open-hearted spiritual path. With family members, he will sometimes touch people while he's talking to them, and he does this in an easy manner.

Touching children is just a big problem, for lots of us. I'm glad you're able to work with that, Allen. I have noticed in newspaper ariticles that it's a concern for men that teach in elementary, as you have. My ex-girlfriend is a teacher, and she can touch and hug her 3rd graders without as many problems.

One of my other ex-GFs has an eight year old son, and he and I can snuggle up on the couch to watch TV. But he's just past the border age at which boys are still allowed to do that! Even in the most liberal families I know, boys have to stop wanting to be held as soon as they reach 6 or 7.

A woman friend pointed out that girls can still snuggle up until age 12 or so, but boys can't. And it's distressing to see that that seems to be true no matter how much openness there is about other kinds of touching in a family. Boys are not supposed to snuggle up! So until they find a girlfriend at say, 15, they don't get held by anyone. Even Ann Landers once pointed out that one of the reasons that teenagers get in over their heads with sexual stuff is because they're starved for touch!

I'm advertising online for non-sexual massage partners right now, on a once-a-month basis to start with. I have limits on time and energy, and I made a conscious choice not to be involved in any committed relationships right now.

As I pointed out in my ad, there's an assumption that if you're not willing to make a committment to having a full-time sexual partner, then you should just expect to go without touch, too. And I'm saying that I recognize that it's hard to separate touch and sexual feelings, but I'm willing to make the effort. So far I've gotten good responses, but we'll see how this works out in real life.

I put in the ad that I was TG. It helps my credibilty, for something like this. I also put that I wasn't concerned about age or body types, and I'm not, when it comes to massage. That message goes a long way toward reassuring people, too.
Anita

[Kyra]

Yes, yes! Keep on going. This is great. Since I haven't walked out my front door yet, I have nothing to draw from. I am so happy to read of your experiences. They give wonderful incite. Thanks girls.

Kyra

[Anita]

Hi All--
I wanted to bring this up to the front, to see if anyone had comments on my observation that little boys basically go without any touch from around age 6, to whenever they can find a girlfriend at 15, if they're lucky. I hadn't realized how starved for touch I was as a teen. Maybe I'd go out on a date every few weeks, but that didn't mean I was able to do any touching! Man, that was tough!
A

[Beauty]

Hi Anita,

You are very right. I told a gal I was dating in my 20's that I was so sensitive to her touch because no one ever touched me. I told her that no one touched me other than a very rare pat on the back.

Very interesting Anita. It's good to know that again I'm not alone.

Beauty

[Anita]

Hi Beauty--
I had a girlfriend at one point who had never got any affection from her family at all. I had to teach her how to touch me gently--she grabbed me as if she were stealing something, which is how it may have felt to her. She also had a hard time with going slowly with touch--if she hurried with it, she didn't have to feel it as much. Slowing down to something sensual was scary for her.

I did find a woman who wants to trade massage once a month. She already has a boyfriend, which is really unusual. Most partners would never consent to something like that. But this guy recognizes that he can't meet all her needs, so she has two massage mates.

This is so great! I love getting around the assumption that if you don't have a steady sexual partner, then you should just do without any touch, too.
Anita

[Beauty]

Hi again Anita,

Wow! Very cool. Dual massage partners. Poor you!

I don't know if it was meant to be funny, but I did LOL at the girl who grabbed you like she was stealing something I soo hope that was meant to be funny though.

I learned to have a slow hand by listening to the song Slow Hand bad that all girls group in the 80's.

Beauty

[Loretta Ann]

First I want to show proper respect to Shannon and Sharon. One of the things that had made this forum so attractive to me is threads like this, that were initiated over a month ago that are still here, and easy to access.
Thanks.

Anita Dear.

You have a very sweet gift of being able to introduce a topic in such away that it attracts in-depth discussions, such as this I have personally benefited from things you have said and initiated in the past. I see you as a very beautiful and sensitive woman, with the ability to be assertive when you need to be. I would probably have a hard time if I were to ever see you face to face as a man, because none of that has come through from any of the writings I have seen from you. ( You are IMHO a very classy woman indeed.) "And I know that will not give you a big head."

I too was never held and cherished as a child, and have suspected that the women's clothes that I wear are providing that nourishment for me. I cherish Darlene and love her very much. perhaps it is what is referred to as being your own parent.

I find that since I've been able to do that I am much more of a touchy kind of person and it seems to be naturally there now. I do it with out thinking, and often ask myself if it was appropriate after the fact. Another thing that I have noticed about me is that I find it easier to talk to strangers a lot more now than I used to do. Although I think that is a result of me accessing the Internet and talking with strangers here. For me it is all pretty good stuff.

Very Respectfully.
Darlene.

[Anita]

Hi Darlene and Beauty--
Yes, Beauty, it's OK to roll around on the floor at the image of my exGF practically knocking me over when she touched. As she said, "I've always been TOO MUCH for everyone! That's all I've ever heard!"
.
My massage partner just bowed out on me, and said she wants to concentrate on women. So the search goes on. But we were only meeting one-on-one--no group massage! Like I said, very unusual that she could do that, and now maybe she's getting pressure from her boyfriend to get back into "safe" territory with other women.

Darlene, thanks for the inspiring message. CJ and I have talked about how our posts just seem to go out onto the Net and die there, sometimes, and it takes much work to keep caring about what we have to say. We ALL feel like that sometimes. Posts like yours make it worthwhile to keep putting out the effort.

Anita does provide "parenting," indeed, and she's also a companion. She's much less self-critical than "I" am, and I don't know all the reasons for that. I'm glad you're able to finid nourishment through your femme self--I'm always looking for people's practical reasons for doing CDing.

It can seem so irrational to outsiders, but there's nothing irrational about getting a strong sense of being cherished! It's not something I could "will" to happen, nor could you. So when it appears in our lives, we take it, no matter how strange the packaging might seem at first glance.
Anita

[CJ]

Hi all,

Anita,

I second everything Darlene said about you. You are, indeed, a classy lady!

About the "touching" issue, here's a bit of irony: I was speaking with my father last night, and was trying to describe to him just how much the friendships and the sense of community I've found here have helped me over the last few months. His reply? "Yes, that's all well and good, but it's merely vicarious, it's not real; you're missing the dimension of physical proximity, you can't touch others there or see their faces." I was floored! I actually became speechless for a few moments. This, from a man who's never held me or tenderly touched me, as far as I can recall. When we did touch, it was always in the context of father-son roughhousing... playing football in the park, playfully wrestling (when I became big enough to represent a serious challenge), etc., etc.

These days, as a single gal, I get my hugs where I can, mostly from colleagues (one in particular always asks if I've gotten my weekly hug and, if I haven't, she's always happy to provide me with one). I miss being touched. I miss it terribly. Much more than I miss purely sexual contact. Oh, to be held in someone's arms! :|

I want you all to know, though, that, regardless of, say, my dad's opinion on the matter, you've all touched me. Very deeply. Very tenderly. I found out that I could, indeed, get goosebumps in my soul.

Again, great topic, Anita. Thanks, girl.

Love,
CJ

[Loretta Ann]

Boy is this ever a good thread or what?

Hi CJ.

I would just like to share a little more of my life with you here. As far as seeing peoples faces or touching them goes, I have never been touched as deeply as I have been from some of the people here. Before I came to the internet I had the desire to communicate on the level we are here and found that the faces I saw were just not capable of touching others like we do here. There are plenty of faces to see every day, and I need to have both of these things in my life.

The deeper I am touched here the more I am able to touch others.

I hope you find some one to hold you in there arms Dear.
I have not followed your posts as much as I have followed Anita's, but I thank you for your contributions here. I will spend some time and view your posts so that I can get to know you better.

Respectfully.
Darlene.

[Sally]

Hi Anita,

I can identify with what you say. As a woman I certainly feel very vulnerable, although I have never been an aggressive person, as a male, I certainly had a well of anger always just below the surface, and it only ever took the slightest thing to ignite it.

I would venture to say that the biggest change in my life when I was able to let Sally free, was not how I changed in appearance or how I acted, it was the fact all the stored up anger just melted away, and thankfully it's never returned. In the days prior to Sally being released, when I was involved in a confrontation of any sort, be it verbal or other, that anger always took control of the situation, maybe that was the release button, or safety valve, which was needed then from time to time. Now, when I face a confrontation, anger never surfaces, I am able to handle the situation in a more sedate controlled manner and I'm able to defuse any situation without resorting to any type of aggressiveness. This I could never do before Sally took over.

I must say that as a woman out in public, I do enjoy doors being opened for me and I do enjoy the attention a woman attracts, and although I have danced with men on many occaisons, I have never had any urges to be sexually involved with a male. Whether that would change if I did ever fully transform, well that I'll never know.

I think I may have told you this a couple of years ago, but even today, the most wonderful time I've ever had out in public, was that formal ball I went to. I never wanted that night to end, although my feet were killing me, that is one part of being a woman, getting your toes stood on by number tens, men seem to be able to do it so easy...lol... and before the end of the night the high heels were off, dancing in stockinged feet.

That night also was a learning curve for me in using rest rooms. It was impossible to use the mens dressed in a formal ball gown and from that day on, I have felt at ease in a womans rest room and I've never had a problem in one either, although I must say, the feeling of being vulnerable still lingers at times, especially with young girls being in there, also they are the first to pick me if someone is going to, they are uncanny at times.

This is a good discussion, it's good to see other people's reactions to being out publicly, it's always nice to realise that how we feel and react to happenings, is just not unique to me.

Kind Regards.

Sally.

[Anita]

I wonder about anger, Sally. When I was younger, I had a "killer" inside of me, that would appear in extreme situations. I couldn't will this to happen, but when it did, people could sense it. It was a very cold-blooded kind of personality, and at those times I knew that I would do anything it took to stop whatever was going on.

This being faded some with age, but more to the point, I don't think I have that kind of protection as Anita. It is a mixed blessing, not to have to deal with that rage any more.

But I have to say, the energy and vitality of that "angry self" was incredible. That's why anger can get somewhat addicting. It's a rush.

I'm glad you found a way out of that cycle.
A

[Beauty]

Thank you Laura! :-s

Anita, thank you for re-affirming what I thought. It's very odd being in that situation. Even when you shoot looks of, "I wish you'd go away!" The wrong ones seem to get more excited?

CJ, I will forever remember your experience.

Jadhe and Kyra are right! Let's not let this thread go the way of the dinosaur.

Which brings me to Allen.

I really liked your post. The part that touched me the most was when the kids you taught years ago run up and hug you. That was beautiful and so are you.

Beauty

[Beauty]

Hi Darlene and Beauty--
Yes, Beauty, it's OK to roll around on the floor at the image of my exGF practically knocking me over when she touched. As she said, "I've always been TOO MUCH for everyone! That's all I've ever heard!"
.
My massage partner just bowed out on me, and said she wants to concentrate on women. So the search goes on. But we were only meeting one-on-one--no group massage! Like I said, very unusual that she could do that, and now maybe she's getting pressure from her boyfriend to get back into "safe" territory with other women.

. . .

Hi Anita,

Thank you for not getting offended about that.

What's a massage partner?

Beauty