Getting turned on

[Nell]

It is a turn on for me just to shop, buy, or order feminine clothing or shoes. I think it takes one new article for me to feel the need to dress (quite often). I think about those articles in my closet waiting for me to try them on. They are on my mind quite often and stir the good, erotic feelings in my body.
I love the feeling of getting turned on...
MY closets are full of clothing items I have worn over the past 20-30 years or longer. I can't seem to throw anything out even if it doesn't fit. I would like to give them away, but, have no access to other girls who might want them. I use to love heels...craved them. But, now I wear flats because of problems with my feet. Whoops ..off course.
As someone else says "I am my best and favorite lover...". This has been all my life since 10 (56 years)...!

Thanks. Ladies.

[CharLee]

Hey Nell,

If you want to give away any clothes or heels ( clothes 10/12 or 12/14 & shoes 91/2 ) I'll be glad to take them off your hands .

[Paulette]

Another thing I've found is that the more I'm "out," especially to a partner with whom I have a sexual relationship - in my case, my wife - dressing and making love is both more, and less exciting than dressing and masturbating. But it is definitely more satisfying.

Less exciting in the old "Danger, Will Robinson!" way. More exciting and satisfying in the "My God, I'm neither male nor female, but totally myself" way.

That's worth everything, even if it took 71 years.

I am a very happy cross dresser.

[Ginger]

For me dressing was a HUGE turn on. <snip> I used to dress slutty and sexy and get huge sexual enjoyment from it. Now I love to dress for the pure enjoyment of being a woman. I do makeup and have breast forms and a wig.
Until just this past January I came out to my family doctor and facebook and now I just thoroughly enjoy dressing, but now it's only an enjoyment. I don't get hard, but I enjoy the enjoyment of dressing and looking and feeling the part as a woman now.

I wouldn't dare tell any one in my real life that I do this. I am NO WAY ready for this.

I am going to speak with a doctor today about hormone therapy.

Wish me luck.
Ginger.


** Post edited to remove sexually-explicit references as per our rules. - SL

[Vera]

Yes I get turned on, then I have the need to feel like a real woman, yes wanting a man to use me. Dressed as man I have never wanted to be with a another man, but as Vera is another story.

[Wesley]

Hello all,

SOME SEXUAL CONTENT PRESENT NOT EXPLICIT

It has been a while since I have posted here, and for a number of reasons. I noticed this topic and felt compelled to add a comment or two. .

My beginnings with cross dressing are outlined here:

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=9964

I am 55 now, and have been crossdressing, or mostly under dressing since age 12. There are a number of things that are important to mention here, but the reasoning for that first event, and more important, the subsequent events set the stage for my whole life.

Back in 1971, I was 12 years old. I honestly don't recall any sexual feelings or identity other than that of a normal 12 year old in 1972. Oh, I never liked to play with cars or trucks, preferring to build forts, space ships out of boxes and such. Football, Basketball, baseball never held much interest either.

IT STARTS IN EARNEST

So, that summer, I was on vacation, and staying with my grandfather in another state. My mother had given my slightly older female cousin a bikini and somehow it was left at my grandfathers house. The first time, I was fooling around with a kid my age and we dared one another to put the bikini on. I remember getting a small thrill, but later that night, when alone, I put both the top and bottom of the bikini on. From what I recall, there was excitement (read erection). . I don't honestly remember masturbation at that time, but a few months later and back home, I had the opportunity to be alone at my girlfriends house. Of course, I looked into her drawers and took the opportunity to "Borrow" a bra and pair of panties. I would wear them at night after bed time and sometime around then did masturbate to orgasm. I remember the bra being a 36B and trimming some foam to fit the cups. The feeling of both wearing the items and the tactile sensation of touching the items, reinforced the behavior. At no time did I wish to be a girl.

I did develop a feeling I will call "Breast envy" and greatly enjoyed touching my new found body parts and thinking how in a sense the white "tricot" bra was what made the difference. Key part here. .

IT GETS REINFORCED

I continued to reinforce with masturbation AND. . I noticed that while most boys were talking about girls and looking at them, I was carefully studying their bra lines under the all too often present white pep club uniform or white shirt. I would fixate on that item of clothing. . and wonder who made it, what size it was, and how it felt. . . I later expanded to panties, (more so) and shoes As they were the big things different between boys and girls. . (greatly simplified. . )

My mother found my stash one time and confronted me. That did not deter me. I got another bra, panties and continued with a new hiding place. . .

I remember the first time I underdressed. . 9th grade night school. I decided to "kick it up a notch" and wore panties under my jeans to class. An immediate rush. Thought pattern changed to, "I've got a secret, I'm wearing panties too" which was both caused anxiety (fear of discovery) with a satisfaction of getting away with it. An interesting psychological dynamic. .

I still fixated on what girls wore. As I got older and acquired more lingerie, I could identify what a girl was wearing. Strange but, that was what happened. Later, I started wearing a bra, not constantly, but under carefully controlled circumstances. . And I got away with it. I married in 79 at 20. My wife at the time knew and encouraged. .

MARRIAGE AND SOMEONE TO SHARE WITH HELPS. IT BRINGS ACCEPTANCE

Ultimately, I have been married and divorced a few times, All of my wifes have been supportive. After the first divorce, I started wearing a bra (without padding, under my shirt with a sweater) and never had a problem . . I started buying my own lingerie, and discovered no one CARED that I was a guy buying bra's and panties. That was fulfilling in and of itself to be able to walk into a store, go to the lingerie section, look, pick up and touch bra's and panties and buy them. (Those days were great, I could wear a 36A or 36B with no problem.) I stuck with foam pads and ultimately, my second wife bought me a pair of silicon thin shell forms, which really intensified the feelings of realness and satisfaction.

THE REASON STARTS TO CHANGE

I also started to notice that masturbation frequency decreased. Relations with the wife were normal and fine. I did often wear lingerie when we were intimate. I noticed that when I wore a bra, forms, panties under regular cloths, I felt less stressed. I suspect it had to do with that initial dynamic of the fear of being discovered, vs. the satisfaction of getting away with it. Additionally, Being able to wear what I wanted, when I wanted, even though it was taboo was a way to thumb my nose at norms.

In my early 40's the main reason I underdressed, was not for sexual satisfaction, but the feeling of, normalcy that I had. In a sense, I was master of my own destiny. If I wanted to wear a bra with breast forms, (and large or x large shirts. . dark or pattern) I could as it was difficult to notice. I also discovered, if someone hugged me, or put their hand on my back, that no one every noticed, let on, or gave a hint that they felt my bra strap.

WHAT A FEELING!

It continues to this day. The things that have increased the level of satisfaction are having my chest and back waxed. . going for a breast form fitting. . . buying womens shoes and trying them on with no problems.

I should add that I am careful about when and where I try on shoes. Most shoe stores (Especially payless) are very accommodating, and with older employees, non judgemental. (no snickers or giggles). . and there are few customers in the store. But I have noticed that even when other customers are present, They may glance at me, but don't care. . Get it. . THEY DON'T CARE. . I don't go to redneck bars wearing mary janes however. . .

Except for a funny look in a Barnes and Noble bookstore in the early 90's, No one notices if I wear womens Keds, Ballet flats or womens athletic shoes. People are too busy with their own affairs. I find that for some time, I had a worry that someone would notice, but then, I also look at peoples shoes and cloths for just that reason. It did not occur to me until later that other people DID NOT check out mens shoes or such.

AND NOW, ITS JUST A DAY AT THE OFFICE.

Today, I work in the medical field. I have found at least one RN that wears s bra and lingerie under scrubs. I've never had a problem nor has he. There is an interesting fellow that goes by Brianna (IIRC) who has several articles on wearing ballet flats in public. Look him up.

I've not had any real desire to go out fully en fem. I have wondered what it would be like, but I know I would not pass and do not try too.

I wrote an article a while back about my then 9 year old step daughter. . .subsequent to that, something happened of import. The woman I married has two sons and a daughter in the middle. At the time, the older brother was out on his own, and the younger brother (14) stayed with us. We had told him about my lingerie wearing and he was accepting.

BUSTED AGAIN . .

Until one night when the younger was suppose to stay with the older. Since the younger one had a key, obviously, he could let himself in. He was staying the night with his older brother and they were playing video games. They decided to come back to the house and get the younger brothers games to play. . . What was I doing at that moment when they walked in? Sitting at the computer, in bra and forms. . pants on thank goodness. . . It was late and no one was expected. . .

There is that over riding fear you have of being discovered. I was busted an could do nothing. They came back into the bedroom and caught me. . plain and simple. .. ARRHG! What to do? I told them to get out of the room, I would be with them. Put on a shirt and went out to talke. I explained to the older brother (who DID NOT KNOW) what was going on. . . he seemed accepting but immediately upon going home shared the fact with his wife and her mother. . . ha ha. .

You know what? It blew over, most of the family know and we live with it. No one kids me (Well the younger son, but he has permission) and no one tries to cause an issue with it. . . I don't deliberately dress in their presence, but still underdress . . and around them.

IN SUMMARY

Crossdressing started with a sexual component that it still carries. That is normal. It is the reward we have allowed ourselves through selective reinforcement over years. . .Mostly as you get older (and most crossdressers would agree) the sexual component is not as important, and the wearing of lingerie or other clothing for stress relief becomes the norm. My wife comes home and takes off her bra and I come home and put mine on. . . go figure. . .

Certainly, that does not fit all people who crossdress, but on some level, I suspect there are many many similar stories.

[MichelleZ]

When I see an attractive lady in a cute outfit I get turned on and enjoy shopping to copy it and then wear it, it feels so right and enjoy the original feeling.

[Paulette]

Wesley's history follows my own, though I'm older.

My son has seen me dressed a few times, and doesn't care. My wife and I have a fine sex life, with and without dressing. And yes, an accepting partner is a joy and a blessing.

[Wesley]

Changing the subject just a bit. Paulette's commentary is interesting in that we apparently share similar experiences. Especially with family.

If you have read my original long story, you may recall my retelling of an Ex-girlfriend who decided to make my life a living hell, partially by telling everyone we knew. That turned out to be a liberating experience, and remains such to this day. The issue still comes up occasionally, and I have found that when it does, just admit it and move on. Most friends or family don't want to know the details per se. The tough part is "Manning up" to my feminine side. Once you get past that life is so much easier.

We go shopping and I look at and try on dresses in drab mode. . occasionally a strange look, but no one has said a word and that is empowering.

[JessiEM]

When my wife left me, she also decided that it was fun to tell everyone about my "secret" funny thing was, most of our friends just didn't care. I told a couple of close mates before it could get back second hand to them..also the reaction was "so?" In the years following I have used this to move more into exploring my femininity and most days will wear fully female but unisex clothing as the rednecks still rule where I am (country town, NSW Aust), even applying light makeup on occasion. Most people don't stare or look and just let you go about your business. Very liberating! As with Wesley, the sexual gratification fades more and more as the years pass.

[Gina L.]

I thnk both sexes like the feel of feminine garments and who wouldn't have some erotic feelings touching or wearing really nice lingerie. It certainly hightens my sexual awareness and libido. In male mode touching it makes me imagine it on a woman and that can be arousing. In female mode I find the feel of lingerie very sensual and in control of my feelings. It brings out the woman in me which sometimes can be a powerful turn on

[Alexandria]

It is very interesting to read all these posts about the sexiness of dressing. I have been a closeted cd over 30 years now. Before this last couple months I would dress may once or twice a month put my lipstick on and relieve myself. As I started reading about cross dressing I realized that for me it was mainly a fetish especially lipstick. When I retired a few years ago I started feeling more and more like a man that was turned on a lot more about she males and male cross dressers. I was still most aroused by Marilyn Monroe types blonde, and large beasts and very feminine. However, more and more I also became fascinated with she males and very effeminate men. I have never acted on these feelings. Notice I keep saying I have never acted on these feelings, yet that is the big lie because I often fantasize more and more about these things. Even in this last 2 months I am starting to find a real joy, or turn on by little things that would never get me to relieve myself, but I shaved a lot of my chest hairs and now enjoy very much just feeling how smooth my chest is. I even have started using secret deodorant under my arms. I just love the smell of myself more like a woman. I would never be able to pass, but I am finding more and more girly things I like. For the first time I went to Walmart and bought my meagre supplies of lipstick, eye shadow, and women's cotton panties, a mirror to look at myself. Last Friday I had that day home alone to be En Femme for over 3 hours. I put on the lipstick and eye shadow and moisturized my face along with some other olive oil concoction. I was not pretty but I felt pretty looking at my eyes and lips and color on my face. Now I want the little things more and more like my own leather purse just to feel on my skin, to learn how to really make up my eyes. I want to wear perfume, get underwear that is very sexy and flimsy, trim my thick eyebrows, I also fantasize about having larger breasts, yet I would never get reassignment surgery and yet deep down if I could have large breasts and that could blow up and deflate I would love it. I even fantasize about female feminization surgery for my face. I guess after finding the time to read and express my feelings I have come to realize how complex our sexuality and gender identity are not so black and white like I have been taught all my life. I have never had sex with any woman except my wife and yet when dressed or feeling like a woman I am drawn to see other cross dressed men as a sexual turn on or she males. Deep down I probably have the chance that I am bisexual a little bit. I can't admit that in my male persona but as Alexandria I am finiding more and more feelings that I never knew I had. Once I shaved my chest hairs and put on secret deodorant I felt a real turn on (not real sexual) but a small feeling of my other spirit as the Indians would say. Being a woman is more than just sex I guess. How though as an old wrestling coach, wrestler, and conservative Lutheran how do I dare tell my wife and others what' s really going on with Alexandria. How much hair can I shave off and still be the man I am suppose to be. Black and white is a lot easier than gray, but not who we really are. I know. Hugs Alexandria

[Paulette]

Alexandria, you aren't the only one here to find so-called she-male porn exciting. And I have, very rarely and only for moments, also been turned on by the scent of a young male. But turned on by an adult male or by another cross dresser, no. I consider myself not so much bi-sexual as closer to Freud's speculations and theories about the polymorphic perversity of infancy and early childhood.

I also suspect that there is at least some truth to the autogynaphilia idea, and that some of us really do get turned on by thoughts or images of ourselves-as-female. Especially ourselves-as-a-very-young-female. However, I believe this too may be more of a generalized polymorphic perversity than Blanchard's autogynaphilia theory suggests, in that we get turned on by many things, or rather many more things than just the persons of the gender we usually orient toward. For some this may even include children or relatives of either sex.

The mind rebels against it's own impulses, and for good reasons.

It is difficult to accept ourselves as someone who is aroused by thoughts or pictures of something that is strongly taboo. And not all of us CDs and trans people are aroused by such. In this I think we share something with that small proportion of the gay population who also are attracted to some culturally taboo elements.

This does not mean that one must be helpless before one's own sexual inclinations. One can refuse to act on these desires by sublimating them through pictures and video porn. The world is full of men and women who use such pornography for sexual satisfaction (which is why so much of the Internet is dedicated to it, and why it is such a thriving business).

So you don't need to beat yourself up over your thoughts. But you do need to live within your own moral limits, and therefore take responsibility for your own behavior. This begins with accepting your thoughts and impulses rather than suppressing them. More on this later.

In this regard I find that the more we indulge in specific types of pornography or fetishistic behavior, the more we turn to those particular types for satisfaction. Similarly (perhaps) the more we dress and present ourselves as someone of the opposite gender, the more we tend to think of ourselves as being of that gender. So, the more we CD, the more we CD.

I don't believe that this is all that's involved in the mindset of CD and trans people, or that it applies to all of us. Some, certainly. And to varying degrees.

Those for whom cultural or religious taboos are very strong will find these ideas repugnant and disgusting. YMwillV. But I find that the more one fully accepts and owns up to ones own proclivities, the less power those impulses and desires have over ones life. Conversely, the more energy you put into denial, the more urgently and frequently it will show up in your thoughts and desires, and the less you will be able to sublimate them.

I believe that this is why men who share their CD in the bedroom with their wives have less inclination to exhibit it outside the bedroom. That is, they accept that they are simply a male bodied person who gets additional sexual satisfaction from wearing women's clothing. However, men who don't accept themselves as men, and who cross dress in public while with their wives - going out together as girl friends to shop, have dinner, etc. - become accustomed to doing it, identify with themselves as female rather than as male, come to think of themselves as having separate male and female self with separate male and female names, and indulge in this suspension of disbelief as often as possible may come to adopt this created female self not only as a separate identity, but as one's primary identity.

Somewhat like C.S. Lewis's theory (in Mere Christianity) that if you behave as a Christian would behave for a long enough time, you will become a Christian and actually believe in God. Didn't work for me, but again, YMMV.

Lot's of random rambling here. Hope it's useful.

[Alexandria]

Paulette, Thank you for those powerful thoughts. I agree with you that if we keep denying our true feelings we become more and more in tune to them and obsess about them more and more. When I went over 2 months without dressing, at first I almost thought I had this cross dressing licked. I didn't think about it much and even stopped going to my sex anonymous meetings. Then those feelings came on stronger than ever and finally going to Walmart and getting some supplies became so strong that I had to have that lipstick etc. I now haven't dressed for a few days. I will dress again because it gives me a sexual release, but it also calms me to just be a woman for awhile with my lipstick, touching my smooth chest, putting on my secret, and eventually I will get some perfume, paint my nails, get a wig, learn how to really use eye make up, one time go to a person who can make me up totally even if it costs me a few hundred dollars. Yet the real dilemma is what Paulette says about not going against our real moral values. No matter how cute a 16 year old girl looks you have no right to sexually pursue her if you are an adult. You are right that sometimes porn can relieve you of doing some of the things we can't even admit to ourselves. Yet there is a real balance in life I have found, watch too much porn and you can't stop. Yes you are right about lucky men who have wives that will help and participate with them in their cross dressing in the bedroom. Yet for those of us who have wives that would leave us if they knew or are in the middle who know, but don't really ask or tell. I don't ever want to give up my family for some of my erotic and sexual wants. That is why we have this forum to let out our real feelings and desires and to know we are not alone. Yet I am making progress as my wife told me don't look at this forum around the kids. I also got her to help me with my Amazon account to get some books about cross dressing. Who knows she may pick up a few to read. Hugs Alexandra

[Sue]

Yes , I get turned on too . Partly depends on what mood I am in . Sometimes I dress just to relax and feel as my nature demands .... Softer and gentler and very emotional . Can be a fantastic stress reliever just to relax in a long flowing dress or sleep in a wonderful silky nightdress .
Other times , I cannot wait to put on a bra and panties and stockings . I feel so turned on . Nothing else works the same magic ! A bra is my favourite at those times . The feel of the straps over my shoulders and the tight band around my chest excites me greatly .
There is nothing abnormal about it . If it feels good , why not do it .
For me it started as a sexual thing but over the years it took on the other role of a relaxing escape and something that I would not want to live without . Sadly , I am in the closet . Married but unable to dress any time except when I am alone . This is frustrating and nothing would please me more than being able to share my little (or is it big) secret with others , and be understood . At my time of life , that is unlikely to happen .
All my best thoughts and wishes ,
Sue .