Crossdressers-Haven.com

Detroit Metro Times, MI, USA


3/25/2009

Savage Love

Flipped-out fantasy

By Dan Savage


Q: I am a straight, 22-year-old male who identifies as a cross-dresser. I enjoy it, and I'm OK with myself. But my ex-girlfriend revealed to me that it made her feel like less of a woman and that I was doing the female version of emasculation to her. (Ask.com says the word is "femasculation.") How can I work through this with my ex so we can get back together? —Bashfully Oblivious Ovary Buster

A: Either your ex was honestly threatened by your cross-dressing, BOOB, or she's doing what a lot of us do when a seemingly decent relationship comes to manure for no good reason: She's looking for an explanation, and your cross-dressing is the low-hanging fruit. Blaming the cross-dressing allows her to rationalize the breakup in a way that leaves you both blameless, i.e., the relationship was done in by your panties and not by something that she did or by something that you had any real control over.

Can you help her work through this? Probably not, BOOB, particularly if she was actually feeling "femasculated." You could agree to stop cross-dressing, but you'll only wind up doing it on the sly. You'll get caught in panties and end up dumped all over again. And if pointing to your cross-dressing was just a rationalization, BOOB, then there's nothing to solve here, no way of working through this. Find a new girlfriend.


Download the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Send letters to mail@savagelove.net.

© 2009 Metro Times

http://www.metrotimes.com/culture/story.asp?id=13801

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- - Portions of this post were deleted as being contrary to our rules and guidelines, and it was with great reluctance that even the above 'reprint' was left remaining.

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... php?t=4764 (no pornography, even in written form)

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... hp?t=11174

- SL

Nice dose of honesty and responsibility. Not sure about the acronyms though. Thanks

Absaroka

The acronyms are short version of what the questioner used to identy themselves


BOOB = Bashfully Oblivious Ovary Buster


RAGE = Regrets About Gay Experience

Dan Savage, as quoted by JoAnn:

Paradoxically, RAGE, going down on a shemale escort shores up your heterosexual bona fides. Gay guys don't frequent or fellate shemale escorts (on purpose or by accident); getting with shemales is an entirely straight-male pursuit

Dan's answer is yet another little lantern in that very dark corridor that says that all sexual relationships between like-bodied people are gay. As a TG friend of mine says on her website, there should be a category of sexual preference called, "female gender." A man can be attracted to female gender, in whatever form it appears. Yes, he's not "straight" as we think of it, but neither is he "gay," as we think of it.

Let us create the following equation:

Individual
Genetic sex (Male or Female)
Personal gender preference (M or F)
is sexually attracted to
Genetic sex (M or F)
Gender preference (M or F)

Omitting hermaphrodites and intersexes:
There are 16 possible combinations and permutations

Which of these can be labeled as “straight” or “gay”? Can one of our label wonks or stereotypists devise a rational labeling system for this mess? The binary system is at the core, but we could use the simple number system from 0 to F (hexadecimal). If we set M=0 and F=1, then I would be 0111 binary = 7 hex. Anyone want to make this more complicated is welcome.

Hugs, r.a.a.

Lydia

I am admittedly a little shocked to find even a reprint of a post with strong expletive language here, but I'll get over it.

Lydia's post has me a little curious or maybe a lot confused. How does Lydia distinguish between personal gender preference (bit two) and nonspecific gender preference (bit four)?

If bit four is the sexual preference of the person to which the individual is attracted, then when bit one is not consistent with bit four, problems seem inevitable.

If, by preference, Lydia is referring to which sex one prefers to present as (as in gender expression), then this could make more sense. I need to ponder this further.

Hugs,

Bernice

Hi Bernice,

Thanks for adding another alternative to my list, i.e., "non-specific gender preference" - in other words: "I'll have sex with anyone". We could even add another item: "I'll have sex with anything".

In my clumsy way I was trying to demonstrate that labelling and stereotyping is useless and destructive.

The r.a.a. = reductio ad absurdum.

Hugs,

Lydia