Crossdressers-Haven.com

How come? How come you all have to hide? You are crossdressers transgendererd people? Why the secrecy?

I'm a TG person and yes I like to dress but however I have never seen the self loathing and utter put down that people seem to have for themselves in this group
Why is that?
I'm sorry CJ but thats how I feel
Ban me if you must but for most us TG people we know how tp speak up!

Many of us are out and about, and have no self loathing, Joselle. Personally, I've never had any bad feeling towards being trans.

But some of us need to be secretive as well, because there are no federal/state protections to prevent us from being fired, for example.

I'm semi-out, as far as family goes, my mother, both my brothers and my wife all know, and are in various levels of support/tolerance.

Besides...I only do it to pretend I have hair again.

Two years ago my wife decided to accept my CDing. Since then we(I) have gone out fully dressed to all types of functions. Grocery Shopping, the Mall, Movies, Restaurants, Garage Sailing, Shoe shopping, clothing shopping. Just about anyplace any GG would go to. So far I have been treated with respect and the Gender I am presenting. I follow these four rules

dress your age
act like you have done this all your life
act like you belong where your ar
Smile at anyone that looks at you.

I have found that it works.

Hi all,

Ban you, Joselle? Hell no!

You speak some truth here. Many are afraid or have yet to find ways to come to grips with the fact that who they are is not very often welcome in their family or community. Hence the secrecy and self-loathing.

But I agree with you, Joselle. This secrecy and this self-loathing are not, in and of themselves, necessary facts of life in the transgendered lane. We all make emotional choices. But here's the crux: you'll find as many ways to be human in the TG world as you will in the world of non-transgendered folks. Some folks are ashamed; some don't like who they are; some fear a full life, a life of joy; while others stand proud, enjoy who they are, embrace life, and have few fears.

One of the main reasons the founders of this forum (and others like it) originally set it up was to create a space that would foster a sense of community where all who joined could feel at home, regardless of the extent to which they're "out" or "closeted," to which they're comfortable or uncomfortable with who they are or feel themselves to be, to which they're at war or at peace with their own souls and hearts. Perhaps, in passing, there was also hope that those who are stronger emotionally--for having walked through many fires in their own lives and having come out of the ordeals scarred but steady--could offer some support or a glimmer of hope to those still struggling with a secret selfhood. It's not a stretch to suppose so, at any rate.

It may be a natural reaction to condemn those lost in self-loathing, Joselle; maybe such folks make us uncomfortable by reminding us that we, too, hated ourselves at some point in our lives. But, truly, if hatred (of self or of others) is no longer a part of your life, then by far the best thing to do is to tend a hand and say, "here, Sis, let me help you up." As the late Gabriel Garcia Marquez once said, the only time we ought to allow ourselves to look down on people is when we're trying to help them get back on their feet.

Love,
CJ

I don't have any self-loathing about being a CDr. It's as natural to me as breathing. I'm very happy being a woman.

Despite many years of feeling shame and guilt, I never hated myself. Even in my teen tears, when I wondered "what" I was - always there was a basic acceptance of myself. I disagree strongly with your blanket statement, Joselle, that there is "self-loathing" in this group. Quite the contrary, there is a not only a healthy self-acceptance, but even a significant amount of pride in having this "gift".

All you need to do is to read our posts.

Hugs,

Lydia

Joselle
I really haven't seen "self-loathing" on this forum, except for, perhaps, an occasional introspective post. The reason I'm still here is that I feel this forum is the best, most moderated one I've found (thanks to all the mods and admins...again). I know for myself....I've come a long way since joining and welcome the support and advice of others here. Many of us DO speak up for the TG community, but don't post about it! So, its not a bad place by no means. I do know we all have our ups and downs...life does that to us....but, heck, we roll with the punches and come back for more
Hugs
DeeDee

Sorry if I offended anyone with my original post.
I have been under a bit of stress lately and wasn't thinking clearly. I had no intention of implying that as a group we all dislike ourselves but after reviewing what I typed I can easily see how it could be taken that way and for that I apologize.

Jos