Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi, I'm new to the boards. My names jhenry. I have been troubled with this situation and I wanted to bring it up to this board to get everyone input on the matter. I have rarely ever spoken about this side of me to anyone else so it's going to be a little weired and I'm not sure that anyone on these boards can relate with what I'm about to discuss but I'm going to bring it up anyway. My whole life TG material has been a sexual thing for me. I don’t consider myself transgender but, more along the lines of a fetish. Furthermore I am in the military and relatively young (I don’t want to say much about myself). The exercise of these feelings has been through tg material such as tg comics and my own imagination however, since joining the military they have seemed to evolve.

This is the first time that I have lived on my own. I live on a military base but I am fortunate enough to inside of a 1 person bedroom in dorm housing. When I first got here I bought a dress or two online to try cross dressing for a bit then we had a dorm raid. Dorm raids are where high ranking officials tear apart your room for stuff that you’re not supposed to have. Initially I was nervous about them searching the book bag in my closet and finding female clothing but they found nothing. I assumed that they did not search my bags inside of my closet (where I kept everything.).

After two raids I assumed safely that my bags are not being searched. Since those last two events, I have evolved my X dressing habits and most of everything is kept in a duffle bag in my closet.
I often think what would happen if the protocol was to change and all of a sudden an official decides to open my bag and find women's clothing, makeup and a wig (which is probably most suspicious) etc. X dressing has becomea strong presencein my life and I feel as though it’s addition has made me an overall better and happier person. But I often think if they found these items that my career would probably be ruined. I would obviously lie and say that it's my girlfriends bag, but I’m not sure that would even work, mostlly conscerning the wig(how would I lie about that). I am definitely not worried about them catching me in the act, as most raids are done either immediately before or after the duty day. I try to keep my practices held far away from those hours. I coould keep everything in my car but that is searchable aswell and im not certain to what exctent that it is. searched Therefore, my questions is, for anyone who has been in the military. Have you had a problem keeping X dressing under wraps? I couldn’t possibly lose my career over this. It would mean I would never receive my G.I bill and would be devastating to me. Do you think that I should try to stop this all together for the safety of my career and reconvene when I live off base. Thanks for reading my topic. Take care!

Hi jhenry
I assume you are in the american military. I was in the U.k. military and used to dress whenever I had the chance. Keeping everything locked away in my locker which as with you was searchable. this was at a time when such activities carried a military prison sentence and dismissal. I think things have become more acceptable since that time here in the U.K. I think you'll find stopping altogether relatively impossible, keep your stuff concealed and keep it private don't involve anyone else. If you do get questioned about your bits and pieces I would admit to them being yours, you always stand a better chance with telling the truth. But try and find out as much as you can about the military's view on this subject. If it turns out that they would dismiss you for it , then remove everything from your room and find a suitable lock up somewhere near by where you can stow your stuff and dress when you want to. Unfortunately you sometimes have to pay highly for something you have little control over. Good luck.

best thing to do for now is to find off site storage. its a pain but safe!

Hi Jhenry,

I agree with Melinda, very sensible advice, but I would move it off site sooner rather than later, just in case, at least until you find out the official military view of such things.

Good luck.

jhenry,

Because you're military, you have free access to their lawyers. Make your appointment and resolve the issue about what they can and can't do to you.

Remember don't ask don't tell has been repealed and the military is/was celebrating their gay members. Is gay pride month June or July??? So I presume the military isn't going to do anything to you unless you lie. With that said, you're bigger concern is who finds out that w**ks with you and what bad things they may do.

On the side, I had a couple vets that the VA hospitals were their doctors for transitioning. Timing is everything I guess.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I would like to inquire more about the nature of these searches but, at the same time, I dont want to make anyone suspicious by my asking too many questions. From what I have gathered from my co workers, the searches here are laxed and they may not even search our actual belongings. We are even provided a lockable droor inside of our room. I would keep my things in there but I'm not yet certain if they are searchable or not either. I can't be too careful but on the other hand, I dont want to take any uneccisary risk. I never X dressed before I got here but I never had my own living space before joining.

Davita wrote:jhenry,

Because you're military, you have free access to their lawyers. Make your appointment and resolve the issue about what they can and can't do to you.

Remember don't ask don't tell has been repealed and the military is/was celebrating their gay members. Is gay pride month June or July??? So I presume the military isn't going to do anything to you unless you lie. With that said, you're bigger concern is who finds out that w**ks with you and what bad things they may do.

Military lawyers and psychiatrists aren't under the same restrictions of confidentiality as civilians.

Although DADT was repealed, crossdressing was not part of the deal.
Whether or not anyone does anything, if you are found out, depends on your CO, usually. Some disregard it, especially for good soldiers, and some don't.

Seems things have changed. While I was in, we didn't have many surprise contraband inspections, just cleanliness ones. If they were for contraband, we had to be present. Our cars were never searched.

You could test the lock drawer by putting laundry detergent in a ziplock bag

The only fem thing I had in my locker was a half slip, kept folded up with the shoeshine stuff. No ever pulled it out.

If this is purely a fetish thing, then I'm not sure why you need a wig, but if you do, you do.

It's better to keeps things elsewhere, as has been mentioned. If that's not possible, then reduce the amount of clothes you have on hand, or stop. Note that if deployed to a combat zone you'll have to stop for sure.

Back to the car, keeping a few things there rather than your locker, if you need them, is easier to blame on a girlfriend. Her parents don't want her to dress in these clothes, so keeps a change in your car for clubbing. Including a wig, which she thinks hides her identity better since it is a different color than her regular hair.

I can offer no help or experience concerning the Military, here or in the US, however; I doubt if this is something you can stop, most of us have tried at some pint or another and have all failed. Don't assume that because you have found cross dressing sexually stimulating that it is a purely sexual, or fetish activity. Most young men are easily sexually stimulated, by almost anything, as we mature many of us find that dressing may no longer be sexually stimulating but still exerts a power over us, but gives us much more of a sense of contentment and peace.

Good luck, there are many US vets here who I am sure will be able to give good advice

DonnaT wrote:

Davita wrote:jhenry,

Seems things have changed. While I was in, we didn't have many surprise contraband inspections, just cleanliness ones. If they were for contraband, we had to be present. Our cars were never searched.

You could test the lock drawer by putting laundry detergent in a ziplock bag

The only fem thing I had in my locker was a half slip, kept folded up with the shoeshine stuff. No ever pulled it out.

If this is purely a fetish thing, then I'm not sure why you need a wig, but if you do, you do.

It's better to keeps things elsewhere, as has been mentioned. If that's not possible, then reduce the amount of clothes you have on hand, or stop. Note that if deployed to a combat zone you'll have to stop for sure.

Back to the car, keeping a few things there rather than your locker, if you need them, is easier to blame on a girlfriend. Her parents don't want her to dress in these clothes, so keeps a change in your car for clubbing. Including a wig, which she thinks hides her identity better since it is a different color than her regular hair.

Paula G wrote:I can offer no help or experience concerning the Military, here or in the US, however; I doubt if this is something you can stop, most of us have tried at some point or another and have all failed. Don't assume that because you have found cross dressing sexually stimulating that it is a purely sexual, or fetish activity. Most young men are easily sexually stimulated, by almost anything, as we mature many of us find that dressing may no longer be sexually stimulating but still exerts a power over us, but gives us much more of a sense of contentment and peace.

Good luck, there are many US vets here who I am sure will be able to give good advice

@ DonnaT: The gold old days...... I could test the lock drawer but these checks are still incredibly rare. From what I can tell, there isn't really a predictable tempo as to when they occur. From what I can gather, they don’t seem to happen in the middle of the night or during a work day. I try to keep the wig in my car as it is the most difficult thing to explain, but the clothes are here in my closet. I'm not deployed but I'd think if I was, that I would attempt drop the habit altogether. Since things are much tighter during deployment.

The going lie, for If anyone ever found the clothes, was going to be "I've been driving my brothers car. The clothes belong to a girlfriend of his and I had to take them out of the trunk to make room for my PS3 and some bike parts I was keeping in there. I'm sorry that I didn't know that this was against the rules, I'll throw it all out if I need to. I just didn’t want to ruin any of Sarah's stuff". The explanation you have for the wig seems to be good too. I’ll consider it.

I do plan on quitting this habit when I get within a few months of being allowed to move off base. Right now I'm stuck here for nearly another year so these scenarios have been often in my mind. I often think to myself how foolish I am, that I could be ruining my life for this. That I can be destroying my career, education and possibly even do jail time for this and that it's all my fault. Like I said, it's been making me somewhat depressed. On the other hand I have been told on more than one occasion that they do not open closet doors or bags during these searches. One individual even told me that they simply walk around the grounds with a drug sniffing dog. Like I said, I have had dresses in my bags, which have survived two inspections already. This fact has given me a sense of, what may be considered, false hope to progress in my “practices”.

@Paula G. (Jutras?): Ever since I was a kid The idea of being female has made me feel good in a sexual way, but never simply euphoric. There was a time where I considered the aspect that I may be TG. I used to blog on Youtube on the matter but eventually dropped all such speculation of myself. The sexual fantasies are pretty constant and I don’t necessarily represent myself as feminine or strongly feel that I should be. Right now I'm just trying to gfet my education and become a hard working member of society, hoping the rest of my life falls into place without and necessary speculation of it. It's a difficult thing to understand, especially because there aren’t many people willing to give me their advice on the matter. It's because of this that I really appreciate all of the advice that I'm getting from you all. Thanks again!

I did 20+ and retired as MSgt. It's hard to hide the stuff. I used to keep mine inside my Equalizer (hey it was 1980). Only time room inspection got anal was when they found my reloading stuff (like it was just out in the open). Since I had no powder or such it was ok. Did that part elsewhere (friends).

But really ditch the stuff elsewhere. Why take the risk. Keep it small in the room. If it's panties you can always say you use them for personal reasons. But if they find dresses and wigs and you admit to being Cross dresser they will give you the boot.

Your best bet is live off base. Keep it low key. I just kept panties and some pantyhose and those were used to shine my shoes. I was so happy to finally retired (1996). But remember if you lie they will fry you on that too. Your best bet is take the 5th (not talking). I am sure they will try to scare you. Don't let them. If you admit being CD they will give you bad discharge.

Do not talk to Base Lawyer or Chaplin. Got Offbase if you need legal advice. Find a gay lawyer is best. Do not talk to Dr. I have seen young guys do things the would not have got punished but opened their Big Mouth. Went against them then. Without what they said nothing could have been done (DUI after the fact).


Wish U luck. Life is hard being Crossdresser. But it gets easier. Off Base, Retired or out of the military. The VA does not care and just treats you. My Dr knows and keeps anything he has to say about my medical problems.

As some have already siad, the safeist thing is to get all of your fem things off base, or get rid of them till you are out of the service.

Any thing and any body on a minitary base is subject to search at any time. Therefore if you don't want to get caught with it - don't have it on the base.

If you are caught with the fem things, what will happen depends on the commander. That could be any commander in the chain of command.

Leeza

Jhenry wrote:That I can be destroying my career, education and possibly even do jail time for this and that it's all my fault.

I was in agreement until you wrote this line.

This, whatever "this" is, is not your fault. You are who you are, just as the rest of us are who we are. The military, with all of its traditions and regulations, is largely driven by people who think they know everything. I love the military, and 99% of what they do, as much as any other civilian. That the military is so brutal with their own troops, all because nobody in power dares to learn a little about human nature, makes me sick. That still doesn't make any of the bad things that could happen to you "your fault". Nope, no way, Jose. If any of those bad things happen, it will be because certain bigots have closed minds and too damned much testosterone.

You will probably have to hide who you are as best you can until you get your honorary discharge. That part really sucks. When I was young, I had a shot at being a jet jock, but passed on the opportunity, because I knew myself well enough to know that Bernice was not going away. Bernice never went away, but I did eventually learn to fly - pistons.

"Be all that you can be" - but probably off base on leave. Remember that cross-dressers are the last forgotten minority. Even many in the GLBT community have trouble tolerating us.

Hugs,

Bernice

I even went cold turkey in my dorm room at college, where I lived with three other guys. I was just not going to take a chance on one of them finding something. It was not a secret I ever wanted to share with anyone, and certainly not roommates or authorities of any type. We are the forgotten minority--we're buried so deep in the closet that lifting DADT didn't help us, and that's a telling statement. I'm not even sure how the military is dealing with transgender individuals right now, let alone crossdressers of any type. There was no mention of transgender in any DADT article that I saw.

Keep that stuff off base, hon.

Anita wrote:I even went cold turkey in my dorm room at college, where I lived with three other guys. I was just not going to take a chance on one of them finding something. It was not a secret I ever wanted to share with anyone, and certainly not roommates or authorities of any type. We are the forgotten minority--we're buried so deep in the closet that lifting DADT didn't help us, and that's a telling statement. I'm not even sure how the military is dealing with transgender individuals right now, let alone crossdressers of any type. There was no mention of transgender in any DADT article that I saw.

Keep that stuff off base, hon.

Was it difficult to go cold turkey. I'm starting to think that may be the best solution. Atleast for a few months untill I move out.

it can be done\\i purged and stayed a way fro it for over ten years
tough i was over with it for good
but one day it came back with a passion! so i eventually gave up thinking it would go away
it is a part of me and its going to be there forever so i am enjoying it now and fully accept it \
in fact would rather have her personality and outlook than the drab he!