Crossdressers-Haven.com

My son knows he has seen me dressed numerous times and I have always sensed a resistance to it. He states no it doesn't irritate him, that his fiancee knows but she will be here in 5 minutes and he either wants me (in my own home) to change or to stay out of sight while she is here that they won't be long...will be going out for lunch over their lunch break. Meanwhile I am here in the office typing this as the Nurses Aid is working with my wife.

He said you can't just come out after 21 years and expect everybody to be alright with it. Hasn't been that sudden, I believe when he was stating he was gay (string pulling and I knew it) I figured at about age 20? I told him about myself...well next May he will be 23 so it is not as if I have just told him this or that he has not seen me in a dress numerous times before.

No yelling with any of this but he is absolutely resistant to my being dressed in the presence of any of his friends. Since he is marrying or plans to...this girl you would think well...she needs to see, least I would. For my part I do not wish to be out in front of the rest of his friends.

I suppose it's many in society are "fine" with our "new" group coming out more, stating we have the freedom to do whatever we wish...but on a personal level especially in our own families there are all manner of objections, gut rejection, fear, lack of understanding, a rejection of anything different.

This is a very real problem, unwise to tear the family apart or to cause someone sever stress over what appears to be an impasse so I suppose the best course is to accommodate until such time as he moves out, and as long as he calls prior to coming over for a visit I will change into masculine presentation for him from here on out. I had been kind of doing that ... not dressing around him but that does restrict my freedom to be who I am in my OWN HOUSE!!! That bites.

Thing is I can respect his restriction on me in my own home but I should not have to. If I come completely out then people will just have to get over it! Oh I suppose I can log it down to bending to objections and not offending but should I have to do that?

I would not want his fiancee to drop him and be the cause of their breaking up but what does my dressing have to do with their relationship?? Oh well.... Nothing I can do he is putting up a kind of a wall suppose I should respect it at least until he moves out. Bummer man!

Anne Bonny was at full sail, but has furled her sails now ahrgggg.... Right now I am back in mail mode kind of ruined the mood oh well will move on with the rest of my day....

Anne Bonny wrote:He said you can't just come out after 21 years and expect everybody to be alright with it. Hasn't been that sudden, I believe when he was stating he was gay (string pulling and I knew it) I figured at about age 20?

Wait! Your son is gay but is marrying a woman?

I don't think it makes any difference when you come out there are still going to be people who it upsets and who don't want to go along with it. He, your son, should show you a little more respect in your own home I think. Then again I'm not out to anyone other than my wife so I don't know what it's like.

my son has a hard time...they were 14 and 16 when when my wife was diagnosed in 2009 but prior to that I believe she started having small problems as far back as 2005 that we shrugged off or did not see because it is like a frog in a pot and you just do not notice. Any way when I retired I decided to stay here because my mother needed help she was in her 80's with no other family in town. The boys needed stability from bouncing all around the country growing up...military. and pn top of all of this and conflicting philosophies on raising kids...I kept my mouth mostly closed because I believed in some structure, consequences etc...not giving everything to them... so they were kind of well just normal boys. The older son went through a goth phase...then I saw pictures of him with eye make up that was feminine...then some pictures of him with other effeminate boys.... My thinking is you are my son...I will love you no matter what and will not do anything that would drive him away. My mind was telling me he is very immature...he is pulling my strings and time will tell. Well come to find out he met people...he started eventually wearing regular clothing again...jeans and shirts...normal clothing. then he started ... they had a band - he is, well both sons are well past my level on the guitar...amazing they had a band and even played at some venues..."The Reasons Why" Oh well eventually he came across some girls and eventually this current girl with a little 18mo old by some boy impregnating females...she made a mistake but otherwise she is a nice girl, and they have been going together for a couple years and plan to marry next march... My instincts were right with maturity and time...he came around and no was not gay after all.

Thing is I thought...well he is 20...states he is gay...perhaps if I told him I am transgender it would establish a tie between us in some way... Wrong or right my thinking was he is an adult, and I needed to tell him, and thought perhaps it would help in some way...perhaps it did?? Any way no signs of anything but some very nice pictures all smiles with his girl friend and the little boy on occasion posted on FB. Seems all legit and oh well...I really believe it was a phase and he was pulling strings. He is still does not share much with me but again immaturity and age...afraid I am going to try to control and tell him what to do oh well give it a few years and he may begin to look on me more favorably? Gee...dad is not all that dumb after all....who knows.

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Oh, now the out part.. yeah I am broadening my network and I also would like to be out as a goal eventually .... it would not make any difference sometimes I am dressing male and am masculine, sometimes I dress female and feel more feminine. Once he moves out hum...I told him I would accommodate him but when he moves out he should call before he comes over if he feels this way...

hmmm, well you're a whole heck of a lot more accommodating than I would be. So in my own house I'm going to wear what I please, and if someone doesn't like it they can leave.
Seriously, what is your son going to do if you refuse to knuckle under, throw a hissy fit? Move out?
And if this girl decides not to marry him because of you, then the marriage wasn't going to last very long anyway. Any sort of a marriage is going to have to deal with a lot more important issues than what the father in law wears.
I would just flat out refuse to take orders from him and watch him throw a fit when the fiancee arrives. And I'll bet a case of beer that you will not be the one who get's his @$$ chewed by the fiancee.

Well...I think my accommodation is gender related part of who I am as partially feminine so it really is difficult for me to be confrontational sometimes. I am too sensitive and soft hearted at times. I want everyone to get along, I want to get along with them I am already shut out enough from their young lives (that is maturity level I am dealing with and will turn with age) but I do not want to alienate him. He may be telling me he has told her but has not. Or perhaps he has and she really has let him know she does not approve? I don't know but I am not into forcing things which could be emotionally a disaster and they will be moving out by next April when they plan to marry. They seem to have a very good relationship which has been tight for about 2 years and she is even beginning to relate some to me...of course in my male mode. She could be a traditional girl, she was raised in a Catholic family, and is non practicing, though the marriage will be in the Catholic Church so not really sure how far non practicing goes in light of all of that.. She is a nice girl. Oh well...wish it were different but I can understand I suppose.