Crossdressers-Haven.com

I was pulling stuff through the side door so they did not become projectiles over night as Tropical Storm Gordon blew through...Fortunately our part of the coast dodged the bullet. Anyway yesterday...and perhaps again today as I am feeling that desire at a low level...I was a woman all day Smooth legs, hair brushed out parted and styled toward the sides, lipstick...uh Corneal abrasion - It was a day spent in misery holding a cool washcloth to my eye all day long I was in agony but my girl was there anyway...oh so no make up! Earrings, necklace, bracelet, a new lady's sport watch, Bra, forms, panties, lady's 6" jean shorts, footlets and lady's running shoes, blue and white stripe short sleeve top with a laced V up front no collar...

Anyway I was so attired pulling things off the porch when 25 feet away over the hedge the neighbor asked "Do you need any help?" I turned my back to him and went in the door and to the right stating "No, I'm ok..." Was I shaking or hyperventilating? Not at all...just maintaining my privacy and not wanting to out myself ...though it is a joke to believe he was so blind...must be in his mid 70's as my older sister is who knows him and dated him once in High School. He had to have seen me in feminine styling... He didn't say anything and later I did talk to him again over the hedge after I had pulled the forms out and donned a male T Shirt...red...no ear rings, or bracelet as I was out pulling the storm shades down on the upstairs windows....

I am really .... well this is one of those instances when once out... you do not put it back where it was before. Do I wish the neighbors knew and were fully accepting and OK living next to me...well, I have no problem living next to them! I have value, and what I look like sometimes does not make me a terrible neighbor...I am and always have been and will be a good neighbor so long as they are OK with who I am. Long as they would be ok with a trans neighbor girl living next door...I would be fine with it too... but would they out me to my older sister? All depends suppose...I mean we are close in that we are considerate, talk on the rare occasion like with this storm, and they have sent food (ew!) over once or twice to me very considerate but not to my taste.... But we are not so close that we would engage in a heart to heart about my gender!

Anyway. I This is the cutting edge of where I am with my life...somewhere between partly out to a very few. I am a perfectly happy girl...as considered when that muse is upon me...and I really not as a fantasy hope I can find a woman who may even actually prefer I live as a girl encouraging me in that way while at the same time being as attracted to me as a man, her man in somewhat equal measure. If she tells me or teases me that I am not a man or not really much of one, well...she is just stating a fact. I am not a dominating abrasive selfish backside hole of a man, never have been never will be...I am I believe a considerate, loving and kind man who believes my woman is only different in gender and that she may be smarter and better than I am we are not better than the other one, one of us does not rule over the other, we discuss and agree in decisions as two equal people would do. I have always believed and did that my wife was more than my equal as she felt about me!

I have a lady's watch with a pink strap, which I sometimes wear in the day. One day I forgot to take it off when I had to tell the builders a couple of doors down some stuff. Then, on the way back, I got called in to talk to neighbour and one of her friends.

It's worked out OK.

It's evidently floating about that I'm not gender normal - but people don't seem to have a problem with that. It's in the background - and in a way it's better, because people feel I've shared something, even if it's under the surface.

I feel that I am again focused on this edge...a kind of horizon that can be pushed further along and expanded...I shared some pretty photos of myself with a couple of my friends who know. Then I stated:

"To hell with convention it's my right to present however I like...I've always felt this way do and always will as the winds blow women are not the only group to prefer this or to feel as they do...many men do also from time to time. What's wrong with being as women are when I am? I should be free to be here too with them sharing the very same place in our world."

This IS who I am at least much of the time.... As I live and consider and grow along this journey I am coming to see It is my right to be who I am. I am no different than anyone to simply have that very basic human right, It should go without saying. Why do I feel I have to work so hard ....I suppose because I have had to grow into it as if it has been coming and I am finally ready because I am here, I am done!

I suppose it is a solid realization and an assertion within myself that I am here.

I suppose I have to accept whatever may come my way and though unfair and off base even so, I cannot change who I happen to be. You want to rant and rave, insist, and fall into an internecine unending rejection that who I am is not possible, but it is and I am. I know I have lived and we are as we are. There are men who are as we are, and women too on their side. Let the world crumble apart when this fact is exposed so that it forces the world to accept that this is how things are.

I have to continue to gather courage to expand Anne's public domain.