Crossdressers-Haven.com

When I started reading this site, I truly believed in it.
I think the people that were here truly believed in me.
Now, it has lost its faith in its self.
and I have lost my faith in it.

Who agrees with me. Gee

Why do you say that, hon?

Gelinda,

You stated; I think the people that were here truly believed in me.

I am not sure what you mean? What is it about you that you would like us to believe?

You also stated; I have lost my faith in it.

What is it that you are expecting from us?

I am sorry if I misled you in any way, but I don't aspire to believe in anyone, or any particular place. And I certainly would not expect anyone to believe in me, I have quite enough trouble in this life as it is without taking on the responsibility of others.

I am sorry but I see your post as an attempt at manipulation. Attempting to put us in a place where we will feel guilty about not being able to meet needs in you that are impossible for us to meet, and I am not buying it.

But please feel free to enlighten me?

Not to told I do not know my own past. I have 4 PM's in the last week telling me I do not know my own past and what I was.

Oh Thee that know it all but know nothing.

Darlene, I am not after manipulation or anything. Just disappointed in what has happened to this site.

I do not see the help and the masters have seemed to disappear.

The mighty and the all knowing seem to have disappeared.

Gee.

Gelinda,

I would like to start by saying that I don't think this place has changed at all. Yes the faces change, and that will always be so, but the spirit of one person sharing thier experiences, fears, joys, tears, laughter, victories, defeats with others has not changed at all in my honest opinion.

If you feel that someone is not true blue because they are new, or that wisdom only comes on one package, you are certain to be let down.

Gelinda wrote:

I do not see the help and the masters have seemed to disappear.

The mighty and the all knowing seem to have disappeared.

I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, but sure, I have my favorite people here, I think that is normal. However, having said that, I don't find thier life experience any more valuable to me than anyone elses. Different people have different insights.

I have learned in my life that you can learn from anyone. But you must open yourself up to it. When I got here I thought I was here to find out about this whole crossdresing thing. But it turns out that I am not here for that at all. I am here so I don't feel alone.

Before I came here the only crossdressing experience I had was my own. That meant I had no perspective. Here I get perspective. I am free to take what I like, and leave the rest, just as I am in my regular life.

It is my opinion that this forum owes me nothing. I owe this forum colletively, my sanity. Since there is no way to repay this debt, and since I was never intended to, I feel no obligation to anyone, you included.

My participation here is selfish. Coming here makes me feel a part of something. Telling people about my life who understand how I feel helps put that in perspective for me, and in my opinion has enabled me to stop being paralized by fear.

If anyone can take anything I have said here and use it in thier lives in some useful and meaningful way, that is great, but it is not to my credit or fault, depending on the results. It was thiers for knowing what was going to be useful for them. Likewise is no one ever uses anything I say here, it also has no affect on my life.

I guess in the end, I am grateful so many are willing to take the time out of their day to write a post, or answer one, but no one owes me, or this forum anything. Yes, I am insecure and I do worry when we don't see the founders and persons running this site, but they are entitled to thier life. I guess we should look at thier lack of being here as a good thing. It means they are living thier lives.

I am sorry you are feeling blue and let down. But I have always felt that if things are not going the way you want them to, it is probably because you are not doing anything to make things go your way.

To me this site is not about a handful of people who have become comfortable with thier crossdressing, or give that perception. It is about 700 people who found thier way here for different reasons. I find all of them have no more, or less value than any other member.

This place is what you make of it, imho.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Gelinda,

I'm not quite sure what to say, but I just can't stay silent.

I believe this forum is for discussion and support, and even though I like to discribe my clothing in great detail, I try to listen and provide what encouragement and advice I can.

Please don't turn away.

Jadeanne

Gelinda,
You have posted some very heart felt situations that you have been through. I have also read a lot of the responses that you received, but could be used others of us here. I don't think anyone said that this "Magical Mystery Tour" would be easy, especially for those of us who are married and have spouses who either don't or can not accept "our lot in life." I do think that it takes some of us longer to adapt to this "new person" in our lives. Some of us have been struggling with this for many, many years and reading some of the posts, are still struggling. I think that if you will consider the good points that your sisters here have shared with you and look where you were prior to your introducing yourself to us and where you are now, if you feel let down, then perhaps this is not the road you should be travelling and there is certainly nothing wrong with deciding that perhaps you were not meant for this lifestyle and you just happen to hit a bump in your road down this "veil of tears."
We are certainly open to continuing to share with you and listen and talk. I guess we just need to know what you expect from us beyond our ability to share our hearts and souls with our sisters.
Love,
Deborah

Gelinda,

I have personally avoided responding to your post entitled Feelings,Why due to the fact that I suspect it will be removed, because in it you are flaming the rest of us, for something which we have had no part of.

How is it that you are criticizing this place for something that four people have done to you through PMs? What do you expect us to do about that? Could you not have dealt with that directly with those who sent you the PMs.?

If you have responded to them and they have not listened to you, Why have you not let those who control this place know that you do not wish to receive PMs from these people?

Don't give me the excuse that those in power are not here? I recently sent a PM to Beauty and she responded with in two days.

You stated that; I do not see the help and the masters have seemed to disappear.

Would you mind letting us know what you have done that might cause one to help you with this?

There is literally tons of information on this site that has been made available to those who want to be helped. It is the best we have to give. You will not be able to use all of it but surely there is something you can use? In fact I don't think another site such as this exists with the kind of information that has been provided here, and has been made available to all.

I concur with Elizabeth I do not owe you anything, I or anyone else here has not been put on this planet to please you. Like wise you have not been put on this planet to please us. If one is able to understand, and accept that, there is all kinds of opportunity to be helped here.

Hi Ladies

While I'm no tech guru, I *have* been tripping in cyberspace for nearly 20 years ... back in the days when only government and BIG biznuss could afford WANs & Satellite links ... when an 80mg harddrive was *Expensive*, *Delicate* & *Huge* ... when a dumb desktop vdt/keyboard cost what a fullblown hotrod PC costs today

The point > "Welcome To Cyberspace" where everybody (with access) can blow their own brains out without making a mess everybody else has to clean up ... anyone who doesn't want to "watch" can "clickon" down the Iway

Of course I appreciate every one of you as "CD_ForuMates" ... but let's be just a teeny byte "Real" here ... if anyone's life or sanity depends on what goes on in "Cyberspace" they may as well [ctrl/alt del] now and get it over with ...

Last I heard, the *Human Condition* was about *Human Contact* ... and I'll be going *Real Shopping* for bras again tomorrow evening 'til I find what fits and what I like for the $$$ I can afford

Love / Marda

I'll chip in here just a bit.

A healthy forum evolves. Sure there were advantages when we were "smaller", but to expect things to remain the same, or desiring the forum to be more "regulated" to preserve things the way they once were is asking a bit much.

I will disagree with Marda just a bit. While it is true that one shouldn't get too attached to a forum or website on the net, especially emotionally, however, in the case of many a TG or CD person, the net may be the ONLY avenue available for some. If this is the case, please try to get your hand in other pies as well -- so if you have a down day at this forum , people ignore your posts or you have a flaming session with someone , you can have other website to visit, or something else do for a while.

I'll be happy to hear from others on the topic.

Good point, Alexandra! Putting all your psychological/emotional eggs in the same basket is a risky proposition. I've been there, done that. And when I had my own "down day" on this very forum, I crashed and burned.

Gelinda,

Not to defend the forum over and against your own very real difficulties, but I've hunted around and there just aren't that many forums out there where the members are, by and large, as friendly, as stimulating, as compassionate, and as open, as they are on this one. I hope things eventually look up for you, I really do. If you're getting PMs you'd rather not receive, please, please, get in touch with the people involved and tell them to refrain from contacting you. The behaviour of individuals isn't something over which we have much control (if any at all). You can't pan a university just because a dozen students failed to meet the graduation requirements.

Love,
CJ

Gelinda wrote:Not to told I do not know my own past. I have 4 PM's in the last week telling me I do not know my own past and what I was.

Hi Gelinda,

I wish I had a nickel for every time someone in the past gave me the classic "I know you better than you know yourself" line. And in this case, I can fully understand your frustration in being told that you do not know your own past.

I don't know who PMed you or why those messages were sent to you, but frankly that is none of my business. But I will say that no one, and I mean NO ONE can better comment on whatever has transpired in YOUR life than the very person who has experienced them - YOU.

Don't let those comments get you down - and remember that no one knows the real you better than you do. Again I don't know who said those things to you and I don't want to know, but remember that there are still plenty of good seeds here. The internet in general can be a very cold place, and whenever your posting messages and sharing your feelings, you are in fact wearing your heart on your sleeve. But I have to agree with CJ. Very few forums on the web are as open and compassionate as is this one.

Don't let 4 PMs push you away from the whole forum...

Hi Gelinda,

First, I want to say that I agree with what everyone else has posted.

I am so sorry, that a few people have made you feel bad. But please don't allow a few "bad apples" spoil the bushel for you. Also, you have the power not to allow others to make you feel bad.

Lorna wrote:

Don't let those comments get you down - and remember that no one knows the real you better than you do.

Only you know where you have been, and where you are going.

Please do stay.

*Hugs & Love*

Hi Gelinda-
I'll have to disagree with Marda on this one, also. I've got lots of real world contacts, both as a guy and as a gal, and yet this forum and others like it can affect me big-time. It can be really hard to clear up misunderstandings on here, for one thing.

And like any long-term relationship, the most subtle changes can affect you in a way that's hard to describe to the other people that are involved. We all know how it is between husbands and wives, but it's equally true of groups like this, if you spend any time here.

I have issues with one thread on here that could take me hours to unravel. Am I going to do that? Maybe, but it's not going to happen in a month when I've got lots of committments.

So the temptation is to write one shotgun post that tries to cover all the issues in one swoop. That has never worked for me when I've tried it, and it doesn't look like it's working for you on this post, either.

To start trying to go into depth with four different people via private messages is a big task--"Exactly what did you mean by that phrase? That means X to me, and it hurt like hell. Is this what you meant to say?"

Then you wait a few days for a reply, and then you have to clear up some misunderstandings about THAT one... and this is just one exchange.

I'm not understanding this issue, since it didn't involve a post that we've all been monitoring. Telling you they know your past better than you do is annoying, but that isn't lying, so there's other issues here as well.

I'll look at this glass as half-full--four people cared enough to send you a private message. From what I've seen of how people write on here, I would think that the messages would have been civilized in what they were saying.

If they're all saying the same thing, you may have to acknowledge that there's some truth in it, since this is four separate people writing. But that's where the time-consuming stuff comes in.

At any rate, I hope you can begin to do something about all this that lets you feel better.
Anita

Hi all,

It is possible for one to not truly know themselves. I did not begin to look at myself until I had lived approximately half of my life. A crises at that time forced me to begin a search to find out what was wrong.

I can tell you today that I do not like the person I once was. I had spent far to much time looking for roses where roses can not be found, and I would not have been able to recognize one if it had been right in front of my face.

Even today many years later I am still discovering things about me that I had not previously known.

While I have an opinion in this situation I will not verbalize it, simply because I have never been helped by someone pointing out that I was wrong. If one is wrong it is something they need to discover on there own in an atmosphere that is safe for that person.

I would expect Gelinda has closed a door very tightly, that those who took the liberty too dump on her will not be able to open, at any cost. There is probably a very huge wall that has been erected as a result of this exchange, and I don't know if a bridge can be built that would repair the damage?

One thing I have learned is that it is far easier to hurt some one when giving advice, than it is to help them, and I have to assume that because those who are involved, chose to do this via PMs, did not feel that they would get away with it by openly posting it. "And no I don't want to know who you are".

As for Marda's advice I agree that there is a benefit to having another source on which ones security has been established, but that is something one should strive to achieve, as opposed to being a requirement for belonging to a place such as this. If that becomes a requirement it will exclude a lot of people, and I am not sure how many of us would be left.