I just had to ask.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 10:21 am

Hi girls,

Two nights ago I took my children to the mall and let them go to thier favorite places, to spare them the boredom of looking at women's clothes and shoes, and me the boredom of looking at Video games and anime books and movies.

While walking through the mall I got really curious if I was offending people, but they were to worried about Political Correctness to say anything, or even look at me in disgust. As I have said many times before, I get treated better em femme then in boy clothes.

So I decided I would just ask. So a few feet away from me as I was approaching a security gaurd. I stopped and said "May I ask you a question? And I need you to be brutally honest. I will not be offended, I am just really curious. Are you offended by me being here dressed in women's clothes, or does in make you uncomfortable in anyway?"

He responded that it did not bother him at all, that he believed in letting other do what ever makes them happy. I thanked him and kept walking.

I came across a man sitting on the side of one of the fountains. He was mid to late 60's, and dressed very conservatively, silver hair cut in a traditional boys haircut. He did not have a mean look on his face, but he also did not have a pleasant one. I asked him the same question.

He resonded that he did not care what I did, and he did no want people caring what he did. I asked him again, even though he did not care, did it even make him uncomfortable? Again he replied that he really did not care what others do. I thanked him and started walking through the mall again.

Finally, a young woman looking at one of the small jewelry booths. Probably early 20's. I asked her the same question, and again the same response. She said she beleived in live and let live. I thanked her and continued walking.

As I walked I noticed that not that many people even looked at me, much less acknowledged me, and those who did either returned my smile or looked away as not to stare too long. A few spoke with a nod or the words, "how are you?"

I did not ask anyone else because so far my personal experience has suggested that no one really cares, and my questions had supported that view. While I concede this survey lacks control and technical merit to give it credence, one can not deny that even if people are uncomfortable with it, they are not willing to say so, which is what tolerance is.

"So if you think your life is complete confusion, because you never win the game. Just remember that, it's a grand illusion, deep inside we're all the same" Styx

Love always,
Elizabeth

SophieLawson · Post by **SophieLawson** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 12:51 pm

Elizabeth, how the hell did you have the courage to go up to those people!

Well done, but it is nice to know they don't really care. The Dr said to me yesterday that everyone else is all wrapped up in their own lives and worries to really care what you or I are doing. I actually am beginning to believe that!

Sophie xx

Ahzz · Post by **Ahzz** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 12:59 pm

The people that truly believes in themselves are the ones that typically do the amazing things in the eyes of society I've noticed. For if one has found one's true self then others simply can not destroy them. Thus they have all of that extra courage that is saved from having to face ones self down to face the world with.

This is why Jassmine and myself have always advocated that people really need to learn who they really are before they can lead a truly harmonious life with themselves and the rest of the world.

Amelie-Laveau · Post by **Amelie-Laveau** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 1:39 pm

I gotta hand it ti you, that takes chutzpa(spell?) People are basicly good and don't really care.

Wait a minute, I know how these polls are taken, were those people your relatives or friends you had planted at the mall? mmmmm???

Love Amelie

SophieLawson · Post by **SophieLawson** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 1:52 pm

Ahzz wrote:The people that truly believes in themselves are the ones that typically do the amazing things in the eyes of society I've noticed. For if one has found one's true self then others simply can not destroy them. Thus they have all of that extra courage that is saved from having to face ones self down to face the world with.

You know what Ahzz, I think you are spot on there, I have kinda noticed that too!

I do think once you find yourself inside no one can stop you, I thought to myself before. I'd rather risk losing the people closest to me in the hope that they will finally see my true self . Instead of just carrying on the way I have for the years before effectively keeping a secret that is just toooo much to hide.

Sophie xx

Jessica_Karen · Post by **Jessica_Karen** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 2:16 pm

Elizabeth! Oh, you kid! You take my breath away.

Of course you're right. People don't really care. So why am I so afraid? I like to feel that I'm okay with myself, but maybe maybe the fear is just in my head, and maybe it comes from not really accepting myself for who I am. Real dangers are less than our worst imaginings, and all that stuff. (Can't remember where I heard that.) I'm not sure.

Certainly my wife is fearful: for me, for herself, for our family. The kids don't know...but I've read some of the posts here, and many of them report kids feeling anger, resentment, and hurt. The people closest to us do get hurt when we're out. (As well you know.) Maybe it's not the disapproval of strangers that makes us fearful...though there is always some danger...gays and lesbians face the same thing...but the disapproval of family, friends, and colleagues. These are the people whose love, approval and understanding we most wish to have. And these are the people who have the most power to hurt us in return if they withold these from us.

None of this takes anything away from what you have done, though. I am in awe of your courage, and the courage shown by so many others here. Well done! You give hope to us all!

Love from Karen

Jassmine(SO) · Post by **Jassmine(SO)** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 2:38 pm

Hey Elizabeth

I also have to agree with Ahzz, I think he hit the nail on the head.

You are one heck of a beautiful, strong, and confident person!!

*Hugs & Love*

Ahzz · Post by **Ahzz** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 7:16 pm

Why thank you ladies.

*diverts his attention back to the tangle of patch files he's applying and compiling* *looks for a nice large code-hammer* *WHACK* Work dangit!

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 7:53 pm

Elizabeth,
I am not the least bit surprised buy either your spirit or intestinal fortitude!
I have seen the growth and the love of self you have developed and are now spreading to others!
Damn, its beautiful!! I am just glad to be a small part of it! Wonderful!
Love ya,
Virginia

Jaye · Post by **Jaye** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 9:03 pm

I used to be a big player of fantasy role-playing games. In the White Wolf game system, the world is populated by all sorts of supernatural creatues who go through life interacting with "normal" people. Most of those "normals" don't realize that they are interacting with anything out of the ordinary, because of something called "the Veil". This is a manifestation of people's inward desire to see no more than what is in front of their eyes. In the context of the game, this prevents ordinary folk from being traumatized by daily interaction with vampires and werewolves, etc.

In real life, I have found this, in a way, to be true. People see what they want to see. It is only when we call attention to ourselves that we draw their deeper curiosity. Most of the people who look at you probably see a woman.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 11:35 pm

Elizabeth,

You have been referred to as a big strong Oak. It looks as though we may have find another term for you honey.

You have come so far in a very short time, It wasn't that long ago you would have being crying the blues, but look at you now, almost unbelievable.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 12:46 am

Hi Girls,

I had a very busy day so I have not been on the computer. I really enjoyed all your comments. I must admit, it don't seem couragous at all to me. It is like asking if me being overweight offends them. It don't really matter if it does not does not, because here I am.

I like that saying Dr Phil always uses. "you wouldn't be so worried what others are saying about you, if you knew just how little they were saying" someone touched on this, and it is true, people are too busy worrying about thier own lives. They really don't have time to care.

I have not always been a confrontational person. It is Elizabeth who is confrontational, she always has been. But now she is so much a part of my daily life, i just don't feel so afraid any more.

I love you all, and I get strength from your strength. I feel the love of this place and I feel enlightened by it. I truely have been reborn, and I love my life now, and all of you.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 1:04 am

Hi Elizabeth,

I usually go by the mentality that those who know won't care, and those who would care won't know.

SophieLawson · Post by **SophieLawson** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 3:05 am

LOL Lorna, that's a cool mentality

Elizabeth, I am very shy and not confrontational also, but I too have noticed that Sophie really doesn't care and it's beginning to also come into my daily life

I actually thought I was the only one who was slightly braver dressed up, so it's cool to know you said that!

Maybe it's just an acceptance in our heads or something, I dunno, but anyways. Elizabeth, this has been one cool thread for me reading! keep spreading the love, cos like others have said it is rubbing off on allof us

Sophie xx

CJ · Post by CJ » Fri Sep 03, 2004 6:51 am

Hi all,

Sophie wrote: like others have said, it is rubbing off on all of us. I agree, though I would say, Elizabeth's love and strength is "caressing off" on all of us!

Way to go, Elizabeth!

Love,
CJ