How do I find love?

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I have been a little down in the dumps the last few days with this incredible feeling of loss. It seems my wife has taken the one thing I cherished the most. My love.

There was a time when I was a young man that I thought I would never find anyone to love me. But mostly that I would never have anyone to love. Someone to hold onto when I was lonely or afraid or proud or excited.

Now here I am in the same position again. How do I find somone. I don't want to be a fraud and go out dressed as a boy to lure women in only to be disappointed when they don't accept the real me.

I know there are women out there that are feeling lonely just like me and would be happy to have such a caring and loving person as me. But is seems the system, as always, is set up to work against me.

I know many of you have found accepting wives or SO's after losing your first love. And others have made a decision to not even try to pursue finding someone.

Can anyone tell me? HOW DO I FIND LOVE??

Love Always,
Elizabeth

[Eloise Goth]

maybe placing a personal ad in Loot or something similar might be a good move.
State you crossdress in the ad and any replies you get will be from GG's would are understanding-and possibly encouraging-about it.

[Chantelle]

I don't want to be a fraud and go out dressed as a boy to lure women in only to be disappointed when they don't accept the real me.

I would challenge that logic. It may be that you find a person while in boy mode who will love you regardless of how you live the rest of your life. After all, the joy of finding love is often in "discovering" it in others because we never really know what another person is like until we spend a lot of time with them. Your honesty is wonderful but I do not think you should allow being in boy mode to preclude you from meeting others. This is, of course, based on the assumption that you spend some time in boy mode.

[Lorna]

Hi Elizabeth,

Ah, the age old question…

You have touched on something that we all ultimately seek - the need to be loved. I know exactly what you’re going through. I’ve been single for over 2 years now, and un that time I have watched friend after friend either fall into a relationship or get married. None of my friends are single anymore. All of the parties I go to here in NY, the women that I meet, the casual phone calls and e mails, the bad dates - are all just meaningless flings. They just don’t really fill that void. But as for me, there are a few areas I need to work on in my personal life before I can go pursue a relationship.

The beauty of being single is that you get to start fresh. You now have the option of telling a woman right up front about Elizabeth and just asserting to her that Elizabeth is a very important part of who you are.

How do you go about meeting women who are open-minded enough? The bar scene is totally played to death, and relationships hardly ever stem from that. Fortunately in this day and age, we have the web at out fingertips. I know this may not sound like the ideal thing that you may want to try out, but would you consider looking into matchmaking websites? I’m just throwing ideas out there.

Common interests are always a good place to start. Whether you choose to take a class or join a book club, those can be excellent places to meet intelligent and open-minded women. Realistically, I would only opt for the bar scene if you were looking for a short term fling.

I can tell you this: the most IMPORTANT thing to remember is to maintain confodence in yourself from step one. As creative, intelligent, caring, and as musically inclined as you are, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll meet that special someone… she’s out there!!

[Jassmine(SO)]

Howdy Elizabeth,

Hi Elizabeth,

Ah, the age old question…

You have touched on something that we all ultimately seek - the need to be loved. I know exactly what you’re going through. I’ve been single for over 2 years now, and un that time I have watched friend after friend either fall into a relationship or get married. None of my friends are single anymore. All of the parties I go to here in NY, the women that I meet, the casual phone calls and e mails, the bad dates - are all just meaningless flings. They just don’t really fill that void. But as for me, there are a few areas I need to work on in my personal life before I can go pursue a relationship.

The beauty of being single is that you get to start fresh. You now have the option of telling a woman right up front about Elizabeth and just asserting to her that Elizabeth is a very important part of who you are.

How do you go about meeting women who are open-minded enough? The bar scene is totally played to death, and relationships hardly ever stem from that. Fortunately in this day and age, we have the web at out fingertips. I know this may not sound like the ideal thing that you may want to try out, but would you consider looking into matchmaking websites? I’m just throwing ideas out there.

Common interests are always a good place to start. Whether you choose to take a class or join a book club, those can be excellent places to meet intelligent and open-minded women. Realistically, I would only opt for the bar scene if you were looking for a short term fling.

I can tell you this: the most IMPORTANT thing to remember is to maintain confodence in yourself from step one. As creative, intelligent, caring, and as musically inclined as you are, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll meet that special someone… she’s out there!!

Ah, great advice, Lorna I do have one thing to add, though. Don't look for love, you won't find it that way. Love will find you when you are ready for it and least expecting it

I wasn't looking for anything but a friendship, when I stumbled into Ahzz. In fact falling in love was the last thing I was seeking. I was going to be moving to Seattle in a month. So, imagine my surprise when fate stepped in and threw a monkey wrench into the works! Cupid always seems to strike when one's back is turned

*Hugs & Love*

[Lydia]

Hi Elizabeth,

Take from me and my experience - do not search for love. What you find will be a fraud and a delusion. Let it come to you.

I won't bore you with the story of my life, but I was happily married for many years. We were very close, and when she died, I felt alone and in the misery of a Russian novel. I searched for love, and I was mercilessly used. After a short period of self-pity, I activated my professional, artistic, and social life. I vowed I would live for myself and my personal happiness. Without trying, I found love, and it has held so far for 4 years. Being too old to adjust, we live apart, but yet together. But my point is that this relationship happened - just happened. Neither of us was looking for it, but there it was.

In a word, look into yourself. You are, obviously, a very intelligent person. Turn that intelligence into an asset and learn to live with yourself. I don't know what hobbies or activities you enjoy, but whatever they are expand them, along with the social aspects. You will not find love - it will find you.

Courage - and keep dressing.

Willy

[Loretta Ann]

Elizabeth,

You are going through the birth pains, of the next chapter of your life. I agree with the advice you have been given here. Get totally free of the one who has left, and enjoy your freedom, it will come to you.

[Ginny]

as I said on another thread, aren't we fooling ourselves if we create an ideal woman in ourselves (in our fantasy at least, but that becomes more and more real every year) and then expect to find true love with another woman? I am sure there is an element of narcissism in most of us that is probably inconsistent with the ability to give and receive real love from another.

I am sure the best way is not to go looking for it. If it finds you, then you are very, very lucky. And let us all hope that it lasts for those who have it.

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

Yes, the answer was exactly what I was expecting, because that is how it happened to me everytime before. It always found me, and usually when I least expected it.

Chantelle wrote:

I would challenge that logic. It may be that you find a person while in boy mode who will love you regardless of how you live the rest of your life. After all, the joy of finding love is often in "discovering" it in others because we never really know what another person is like until we spend a lot of time with them. Your honesty is wonderful but I do not think you should allow being in boy mode to preclude you from meeting others. This is, of course, based on the assumption that you spend some time in boy mode.

Right now, I have no desire to go out in boy mode. I only do it when I have to. I feel naked without nail polish on. I guess I just need some time to go by so I can get used to myself, and learn what being true to me means.

Jassmine(SO) wrote:

Don't look for love, you won't find it that way. Love will find you when you are ready for it and least expecting it

I agree with everything you said. I am clearly not ready for it.

Jassmine, I just can not say how valuable you input is here in the forum. I notice how much time you spend communicating with the crossdressers. I just can not tell you how valuable I find your input here, and would like to thank you, because I don't think I ever have. It seems you always find the time to answer my posts. Having the point of view of a GG who is married to a crossdresser? How do you place a value on that, except to say I love you, and I am glad you are here.

I guess I really need to hear from a few of our members who went through divorce, and then found someone who accept thems. Not that I am looking for a formula, just reasurance that it happens. I know that sounds silly, but I am incredibly insecure still.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Beauty]

Hi girls,

I have been a little down in the dumps the last few days with this incredible feeling of loss. It seems my wife has taken the one thing I cherished the most. My love.

There was a time when I was a young man that I thought I would never find anyone to love me. But mostly that I would never have anyone to love. Someone to hold onto when I was lonely or afraid or proud or excited.

Now here I am in the same position again. How do I find somone. I don't want to be a fraud and go out dressed as a boy to lure women in only to be disappointed when they don't accept the real me.

I know there are women out there that are feeling lonely just like me and would be happy to have such a caring and loving person as me. But is seems the system, as always, is set up to work against me.

I know many of you have found accepting wives or SO's after losing your first love. And others have made a decision to not even try to pursue finding someone.

Can anyone tell me? HOW DO I FIND LOVE??

Love Always,
Elizabeth

Elizabeth a person like you will have love find you for sure.

ESPECIALLY if you keep up the lovely sharing of your emotions and keep being so open. I totally respect how much you are in touch with your feelings. It's something everyone should strive for.

Love will find you when it knows you're ready for it again, but don't feel afraid to try it before you're sure. I guarantee you you'll know when it's found you though because it will last the test of time.

I tell friends all the time the best way to meet someone is through a married gal. Someone passed that wisdom along to me and I'm married (via being introduced by a married gal)

I so wish you the best. You're doing excellent right now.

Beauty

[Jassmine(SO)]

Hey Elizabeth

Hi girls,

Yes, the answer was exactly what I was expecting, because that is how it happened to me everytime before. It always found me, and usually when I least expected it.

Chantelle wrote:

I would challenge that logic. It may be that you find a person while in boy mode who will love you regardless of how you live the rest of your life. After all, the joy of finding love is often in "discovering" it in others because we never really know what another person is like until we spend a lot of time with them. Your honesty is wonderful but I do not think you should allow being in boy mode to preclude you from meeting others. This is, of course, based on the assumption that you spend some time in boy mode.

Right now, I have no desire to go out in boy mode. I only do it when I have to. I feel naked without nail polish on. I guess I just need some time to go by so I can get used to myself, and learn what being true to me means.

I am so happy that you are taking this time to learn about yourself I have watched too many of my single friends hook-up with the wrong woman or man for them, because they did not take the time to get to know themselves and figure out what they really "needed" from a partner. For example, myself, I "needed" someone strong, self confident, intellegent, funny, out going and yet a bit of a hermit, someone who shared my basic belief structure ( I am Wicaan ), and someone a bit on the wild and kinky side In other words, someone who is basically like me, but different enough to keep things interesting Quite the "laundry list" Before I met Ahzz, i didn't think I would find a person to meet all those needs and then some. Nothing is impossible, though

Jassmine(SO) wrote:

Don't look for love, you won't find it that way. Love will find you when you are ready for it and least expecting it

I agree with everything you said. I am clearly not ready for it.

Jassmine, I just can not say how valuable you input is here in the forum. I notice how much time you spend communicating with the crossdressers. I just can not tell you how valuable I find your input here, and would like to thank you, because I don't think I ever have. It seems you always find the time to answer my posts. Having the point of view of a GG who is married to a crossdresser? How do you place a value on that, except to say I love you, and I am glad you are here.

Thank you I too, value your input. I have indeed learned a lot from you I thank you for that and I thank you for being you I love you, too

I guess I really need to hear from a few of our members who went through divorce, and then found someone who accept thems. Not that I am looking for a formula, just reasurance that it happens. I know that sounds silly, but I am incredibly insecure still.

Love always,
Elizabeth

*Nod* It does indeed happen As I stated earlier, nothing is impossible

I wish you the best of luck on your journey of self discovery It is quite the adventure Stay strong and know you are loved.

Blessed be, my friend.

*Hugs & Love*

[Kristen]

Elizabeth, You've found love already. It just needs to grow a bit, You have found that loving yourself is the begining. You've been through hell and back.
Once you have readjusted to your newself (one that competely accepts you for you) I am sure you will run into someone that will completely accept you.
Your pictures that you have posted and your current avatar are a testement to that thought.
If I knew of a formula to find someone, I would certainly be willing to share that with you and everyone else in this forum that wants it.
I know that times are difficult when you all of sudden don't have a companion. Been there twice, it's not easier the second time. Athough I am coping better, than the first.
You have love in your heart , it shows, it shows a great deal, I am sure it shows even more in person. I am positive that soon someone will walk into your life and fall madly in love with you, and you for her. You are a catch, don't let anyone tell you differently. your friend .....Kristen

[Lorna]

Hey Elizabeth, about this woman who showed up at your door with the red ress... Talk about opportunity falling right into your lap!

I'd ask her out if I were you...