I just told my family.

Kathy · Post by **Kathy** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:06 am

I decided it was time to get this out in the open once and for all. I knew they all suspected, especially my mother. So, last night I sat down and wrote out a letter about my dressing. I sent it, via email, to my brother and sister. This morning I handed my mother a printed copy and asked her to read it while I went about my morning chores.

When she was finished reading it, she came out and gave me a hug and said "I love you". She said she has suspected as much but didn't know for sure. We talked about things for a little while and she said I was her son and she would accept me no matter what I was wearing.

I can't express what a relief that was. While I have no plans to dress any more than I have been, it will sure be nice to be able to do so without having to sneak around the house worried about being seen.

Now, I just have to wait for a response from my brother and sister. That may take a while but I'll post their reaction once I hear back from them.

Thanks to you all for giving me the strength, confidence and courage to take this major step in my life.

Love,
Kathy

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:15 pm

I am glad it went well.

Of course they love you. at least that is the way it is supposed to be........

Andrea

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:29 pm

Hi CDKathy,

I am so proud of you for getting the courage to tell your family members. This is such a difficult thing to do. You must be super happy to have that behind you.

I hope things go as well with your sibllings. I know you will be happier and feel more alive not dragging this secret around.

Good luck.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 6:42 pm

Hi Kathy,

Congrats on a successful announcement to your mom. I bet it's a huge relief to be out to her!

I'm so happy for you. Do you expect to hear from your siblings anytime soon?

I only have one suggestion and that is to make sure you give her more information about CD'rs. She could get curious and start looking on the internet or listening to people talk about us, who aren't informed. It would great if you could give her a magazine like Girl Talk Magazine or provide her with some good TG'd sites or books to read.

Again, I'm so happy for you!

Beauty

Kathy · Post by **Kathy** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 7:07 pm

Hi All!

Thank you for all your support. It is very much appreciated.

Elizabeth, I must admit that I have drawn much of my courage to do this from your posts over the past year.

Also, having been absent for a while, please accept my belated congratulations on your recent marriage.

Beauty, I have offered to let my mother read a couple of my books but, for the moment she has declined. Being 80+ years old and not very computer savy, I'm not too concerned about her surfing the web. Also, she only goes out once a week to her Bridge group and, I believe, has no intention of discussing CDing with any of them.

I really have no idea when my siblings might respond. It is possible my sister might email me but my brother might not say anything until he comes up to visit in a couple of weeks. And he might not even say anything then. He is the oldest and has always been embarrased to speak of such things. To this day I have never heard him actually say the word LOVE out loud to anyone. When Mom tells him "I love you", he simply responds "You too". I think he will prefer the "don't ask, don't tell" approach.

Time will tell how this will turn out. And, yes, I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my chest.

Love,
Kathy

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 9:48 pm

Kathy,
Congratulations on your "coming out!" ain't it great!!! As for your siblings, there is an old adage,"we all have our crosses to bear!" I can remember my son-in-law's initial reaction and that he felt uneasy about me being around my grandchildren. It was pointed out that this "uneasiness" was coming from an institutionalize drug addict!! Have not had any problem from him since!
You go girl!
Virginia

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:16 pm

Good deal, Kathy. No matter how your siblings respond, it is a weight off of you. I'm glad your mother was receptive. You will have some addtional energy, now that it's no longer needed for keeping that hidden.

Post by **DonnaT** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:32 am

That's great news Kathy. I've recently told my mother also

, but not any of my brothers

Kathy · Post by **Kathy** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 8:33 am

Just recieved a reply from my brother:

Well, OK. I think I would prefer not to see you in a dress, but
otherwise I have no problem with it. Besides, Scottish men have been wearing
skirts for hundreds of years, and no one seems upset about it.

B

Still waiting for my sister to respond.

Love,
Kathy

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:14 am

Hi Kathy,

YAY!!!!

Beauty

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:15 am

Your brother seems pretty open to it, perhaps..............well, I won't go there! Hope your sister has the same response. Your on your way girl. Enjoy "Your Magical Mystery Tour!"
Love,
Virginia

Kathy · Post by **Kathy** » Fri Jul 15, 2005 11:11 am

I must say that this has been one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had. While I had accepted the fact of my crossdressing some time ago, I have been struggling a bit with the overall self-acceptance and self-respect issues. I finally came to the realization that, if I was to truely gain my self-respect, then I had to stop hiding from those closest to me, regardless of how they might react. I had to step out of the comfort of the "closet" and allow them to know the real me.

While I am relieved by the reaction I've gotten, that is nothing compared to the feelings I have toward myself for having told them.

Oh, and this just in from my sister:

Received, read, printed. Requires digestion and deserves a thoughtful answer, and it's too late at night for any of that, but you also deserve a prompt reply. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, we still love you. And, yeah, it takes a lot of courage to talk about something like that, so I admire your gumption. More when I've had time to digest and figure out what I think.

Thanks again to you all!

Love,
Kathy

Post by **DonnaT** » Fri Jul 15, 2005 12:41 pm

So far so good, Kathy

You know, you can invite any of them to come here and learn more if necessary.

Kathy · Post by **Kathy** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:50 pm

I just got a follow-up letter from my sister that I thought I would share with you all (edited to protect the innocent, of course).

Now that I’ve had a few days to digest and think, I think I’m ready to answer your e-mail regarding your preference for women’s clothes.
As I said initially, I think it took a lot of courage for you to open a discussion that you must have expected would be painful at the very least. I think I’m primarily sorry that you’ve had to suffer the burden of having such a secret all these years essentially alone. You may well have been wise to keep it a secret. It may be that we are only now all in positions in our lives where we can see what’s really important and what’s not. I, for one, have had to deal with enough heartache in my life that I don’t feel the need to make an issue out of one person’s unusual preferences. Still, I’ve found that being able to talk to people about the things that are eating me has helped me to put them into perspective and kept me from driving myself bats over them. Over the past five years, I think you, B and I have become closer than we’ve been for most of our adult lives, and we’ve shared some pretty difficult times. But we haven’t really had the kind of confiding relationship that would lead you to feel comfortable talking about something as personal and potentially unacceptable as this (or at least I haven’t had that kind of relationship with you or B. I don’t pretend to know how much you and B confide in one another). Anyway, whatever the reason, I feel bad that you’ve had to deal with this without any support from your family.
As far as the issue itself, I guess it just doesn’t matter much to me. Yes, I would think it was pretty weird if you started dressing in skirts all the time. Frankly, I’d probably have a hard time not laughing, and that would undoubtedly offend you. I expect I’d get over it eventually. I’m more concerned with what part it plays in your life, whether it’s more like a hobby or an obsession, and whether it is or has been affecting your life choices – your social life, your career. If some of the choices you’ve made in your life were made out of fear that you’d be found out and shunned, then, my regret that you haven’t had anyone to talk about it with is even stronger, and I would urge you to do whatever you need to get help with handling those fears. If the fact that you are now telling your family about it is an indication that you have worked out some of those issues and this is the first step toward allowing yourself to feel “normal,” then, bravo! Good for you. I hope that knowing your family isn’t rejecting you will be a step toward building a satisfying future.
I have a lot of questions, but most of them come out of curiosity about a condition that I don’t understand, the urge to jump in with advice and the urge to understand social anomalies. It seems like fodder for some lengthy discussions, especially in light of a class I took a few years back about how society labels things and how what is considered normal or abnormal evolves, and a communication course that delved into the various proportions in which male and female traits are found in different individuals. But all of that can be dealt with at some later point, or not at all. My objective for now is to thank you for trusting us enough to be open about your feelings, to congratulate you on having made an important breakthrough and to assure you that I’m not going to “disown” you (or whatever it is that one would do – treat you like a freak, I guess – sit all the way on the other side of the car). I’m not saying I don’t think it’s weird. I do think it’s weird. But I think a lot of things are weird, and that really doesn’t matter. None of us can entirely live our lives according to what someone else thinks is or isn’t weird. Nor would we be (I believe) decent human beings if we tried to impose our personal preferences on everyone else. Last I knew, that’s why we’re all so proud to say “this is a free country.”
I guess that’s my 2 cents’ worth on the subject – at least for now.

Love,

L

The difficult times she mentioned started in 2001. I talked about them in a previous post <link>.

In addition to the events of that time, my father's health took a turn for the worse in January of this year. He passed away in early February. This is the reason I dropped out of the forum for the last several months. I was not only dealing with my own emotional roller coaster but I had my mother's health and wellbeing to look after as well. He had a long battle with emphysema and, at the time, he was ready to go. We do not mourn his loss but celebrate the life we had with him. Until now, he was the only family member who knew, with certainty, of my crossdressing. He arrived here at home one day, several years ago, when I wasn't expecting him. He caught me off guard and fully dressed en femme. But, while he did not give me any flack about the incident, he would never talk about it and made me promise not to tell my mother about it. That is one of the reasons it has taken this long to come out of my closet and tell my family. His passing released me from the promise I made.

The only other part of My sister's letter I will mention is the following passage:

If some of the choices you’ve made in your life were made out of fear that you’d be found out and shunned, then, my regret that you haven’t had anyone to talk about it with is even stronger, and I would urge you to do whatever you need to get help with handling those fears. If the fact that you are now telling your family about it is an indication that you have worked out some of those issues and this is the first step toward allowing yourself to feel “normal,” then, bravo! Good for you. I hope that knowing your family isn’t rejecting you will be a step toward building a satisfying future.

The reason for telling them now is that I have conquered many of my issues about crossdressing and, for me, this is a giant leap toward feeling like a "normal" person.

I've said it before and I'll keep on saying it, I can't thank the members of this forum enough for helping me reach this point.

Love,
Kathy

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 10:52 pm

Kathy,

I am so glad to see your sister having such an upbeat and understanding attitude. It sounds as though she has a few questions, but basically wants to support you.

I am very happy to see this outcome, after having a sort of "so so" response from your brother, who incedently, was still ok with it. I know these are mountains to climb, and I am very proud of you, and happy for you.

Love always,
Elizabeth