Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi everyone,

I could use some advice. I want to share my Halloween photos with my best friend (Eugene). He doesn't know that I am a crossdresser. However, several years ago, he borrowed a videotape from me (I had taped a show for him) which also contained a program (which I had forgotten to erase) about crossdressers.

He watched the whole tape, and afterwards he asked me about the show, if I wanted to become a woman, etc. At the time I was very much in the closet and wasn't prepared to come out to anyone. I told him I must have taped the show by mistake.

Anyway, I plan on telling him that I went to a "reverse gender" themed Halloween party, and that I went as Batgirl. He is really into superheroes and comics and that sort of thing, and has gone as Batman in the past.

I figure I can always use the excuse "it was just for Halloween."

My two main concerns are:
1. I don't look like someone who is dressed en femme for the very first time.
2. He might remember the earlier VHS incident and realize there is more going on than just Halloween.

He is a very curious person and he might ask me some detailed questions.

He used to live nearby but now he lives out of state. We do have a number of friends in common.

I guess I'd like to gauge his reaction to this and see how it goes, and maybe somewhere down the road tell him more.

The reason I want to open up to him a little bit is that I have been feeling bad about keeping my crossdressing a secret from most of my friends and family. I want to blend it into my day to day life more, not keep it walled off.

My wife will support me whatever decision I make. And I think if my friend does figure out the truth he will respect my privacy and not tell anyone else (except for his wife).

I realize you don't know my friend, but I would like to know what you think about all this.

Sincerely,

Sharon Rose

Hi Sharon.

My thoughts on this are; that if you let it out you should be prepared to deal with the consequences in the event that it might not go the way you would like it to go.

My opinion is that the need to share this beyond your immediate family is not the most mature situation. I believe it is healthier to get to a place where one can maintain and nurture ones interior life.

Hi all,

Sharon,

Tell him. Feeling bad about not "being real" with our SO's is a poor excuse for not letting them know who we truly are. The same thing applies to our friends or to anyone we're emotionally committed to.

Although I agree with Loretta that you should be prepared to accept the consequences of being authentic, I think self-revelation to those you care about is a sign that you have come to a place where you're emotionally and spiritually comfortable with who you are. This, to me, is maturity.

Again, as usual, this issue is always best handled on a case-by-case basis. Good luck in whatever decision you make, Sharon.

Love,
CJ

Hello,

I emailed my Halloweenh pictures to my friend.

His reply was "I don't know what was
scarier--the fact that you looked good in drag or
makeup or the fact that I thought so... "

Hopefully I will be able to open up to him fully about my crossdressing.

Sharon Rose

Sharon, honey, how do you feel now????? GREAT! comes to mind. You can tell who your friends are when something this "dramatic" is placed in front of them. Regardless, the sun will continue to rise and set, Remember what one of our sisters posted about the difference between a friend and a true friend? A friend will come to jail and bail you out - a true friend will be sitting in the cell with you saying, "damn, that was fun!!!"
Some one once told me that we all have many acquanitences as we go through life, but friends, you can usually count on one hand.
We are proud of you - "you go girl!"
Virginia

A true friend is like a tall sturdy Oak, A false friend is like the Autumn leaves their are every were.

Danette

Thanks everyone

Hi Sharon,
If your friend is a true friend, and he's not an extremely homophobic person, I recommend telling him the truth. The reason I mention homophobia relates to why my best friend doesn't know about Kyra. Sad, yes...but very true.

Good luck on your decision.

Hugs,
Kyra

SharonRose wrote: My two main concerns are:
1. I don't look like someone who is dressed en femme for the very first time.
2. He might remember the earlier VHS incident and realize there is more going on than just Halloween.

He is a very curious person and he might ask me some detailed questions.

Hi Sharon--
I am assuming he will latch onto both 1) and 2). A curious person tends to remember little incidents like that VHS tape. But he will probably not bring it up unless you do, so you still have your choice available.



I like his statement!

Sounds like a good start Sharon, congratulations.

Hi Sharon,

I might be the wrong person to ask because my personal beleifs. I beleive that keeping a secret is the same as saying you are doing something shameful and wrong. I beleive that all crossdressers everywhere need to come out from hiding and say "hey world, we really do exist, we are part of the human experience".

Having said that, one does require a certain personal maturity to be able to really do this, as the consequences can be brutal. I have learned a few tjings ins this life so far. One of them is that the best way to keep a secret is when only one person knows. Another of the things I have learned is that people we think we are going to be friends with our entire lives, people that we trust, do not always remain friends. In fact it can get quite ugly.

So my advice is this. Do not tell anyone anything that you are not prepared for everyone to know. Good luck!!!!!!

Love always,
Elizabeth

Sharon,

I know I may be calling up gender stereotypes with this, but did your wife help you in any way at all, especially the makeup?

If she assisted in any way, such as helping you choose your costume and makeup, put it on, or even offering her opinion on how you looked, you can truthfully answer your inquisitive friend that your wife helped.

Jadeanne

Jadeanne,

Thanks. My wife did help a bit with picking the costume, so I can truthfully say she helped me put together the outfit.

Sharon

Hi Sharon,

Ok, so I cheated and called instead of writing a long post, but I totally agree with Elizabeth.