Opening up to others

[Kyra]

Hi everyone,

I've been saying for a while now, that I'm trying to be more true to myself. I've stepped away from the macho masculine image I have always portrayed. I have masculinity, there's no doubt there, but I'm trying to show others that I'm not afraid of letting my sensitive side show. I've found this to be very difficult for me, because for years I was hiding behind the mask of "Joe Macho". I never wanted my friends to see my emotional side. I never wanted them to see when I was hurt and consequently didn't make many close friends.

Well, I've gotten to be good friends with a couple of my coworkers and have been trying very hard not to fall back into my old habits. For instance, I saw and loved the movie "The devil wears prada." I recommended it to my friends and one came back to tell me he didn't really like it because it was a "Chick flick". I rebuked him, offering my views of why I liked and why it isn't just for women. My gut was telling me not to engage him, for fear of being called a sissy or girlie man, etc. I stood my ground and affirmed my admiration for the movie and actors/actresses in it.

There was another incident this past week where a female coworker was moving out of her parents home and into her first apartment. All the women decided to have a party for her. I (and all the guys) wasn't invited. Since this woman and I are pretty good friends, I was offended by this. I found the person who organized the party and confronted her. We sat and talked. She apologized (genuinely) and (understandably) stated how she just didn't think the guys were interested. During the course of our conversation I got a bit emotional. So did she. I, for the first time, allowed my feelings to emerge. I didn't stifle my tears, didn't clam up or make jokes to lighten the mood. I felt so much better about myself after all was said. Other than my wife, I've never let another woman see me cry. This time I did. She was very appreciative of me for coming forward.I am happy that I stood up for myself.

My goal is to just be "me", the true me that I've hidden from nearly everyone I know. It's not easy, but I'm trying. I thank you all, for giving me the strength and courage to venture out. Yes, with my heart exposed some damage may occur, but I think overall the rewards are worth the risks.

Hugs,
Kyra

[CJ]

Amen, sister! Amen!

I'm on that path, too, Kyra. T'ain't easy... 'tis fun, though.

Love,
CJ

[Virginia]

Congratulations Kyra,
I could ask a lot of questions, but I think it best to let you travel your own path and you seem to be finding your way quite nicely. "Science" says that one of the reasons that GG's outlive males is that they do let their emotions out and one of those ways is crying at "the drop of a hat!" One other is that they talk to ------ well to each other. "Men just don't talk and sure don't listen" Well that is what I have heard!
Let's see the movies that have made me cry - even today seeing the last part of "Field of Dreams" then there is "Boys on the Side" and "Breakfast on Pluto" and on and on! I am Virginia and Virginia is me and she/me likes a good healthy cry and movies do that for her. The one problem that arises is careful at the movie theaters, mascara running can be a bit embarrassing!
Keep the faith, honey, you are going to find a lot of wonderful surprises on your "Magical Mystery Tour!"
Love you,
Virginia

PS: Hi CJ - miss you!

[Sally]

Hi Kyra,

If there’s one thing which life has taught me through its’ experience, it’s that we should let our true personality show through and just be our true self. We know when that’s happening because then we feel relaxed and peaceful inside and we just feel good about ourselves, we feel stress free and able to think clearly. I’m not just referring to those of us who may have issues with our perceived gender status, but every person whoever or whatever they may or may not be.

Far too many people manufacture themselves into something they really are not in order to try to gain acceptance or to fit in, but I think most of us could vouch for the fact that living like this can develop it’s own set of unique problems. As we know, cultures sometimes demand conformity with society’s codes and unwritten rules, often to the detriment of people’s inner peace and tranquility. Breaking free from those shackles and constraints society places on us at times can open up a complete new outlook on life, and rpovide the happy fruitful life which people seek.

Do we really want people as a friend who only befriend us because we’re being someone we’re really not, being someone who fits into their narrow scope of how men or women should act, someone who acts or talks about the topics only they want to discuss, someone not being true to ourselves, no, a true friend is some who recognizes and accepts us for who we really are, accepts us not only for our good points but also our faults and stigmas, because every living human being has them to varying degrees.

The genuine article is always more valuable than a false replica. Hiding in the dark never promotes healthy growth, walking out into the warm sunshine brings a smile to your face and your true personality grows and shines through. People want to get to know a smiley person, but they avoid scowling people who obviously ‘carry a load of bricks on their shoulder’.

I often say to people that if they don’t have a go, they’ll never, never know. We can often be surprised at other people’s reactions when we allow our true personality to emerge, we may find that those who we thought were our friends really weren’t the genuine real deal, and those who we thought were being distant turn out to be genuine friends who prefer the real us. Sometimes people only find common ground with others when they allow people to see them in their true natural state. Many of us are not good actors and we do ourselves a disservice by trying to be someone we’re not.

I applaud you for the decisions you’ve been making and I agree with you that sometimes it isn’t easy, it can take time, but if we want something bad enough we’ll make it happen eventually. Hurry slowly I say, and you’ll find what’s right for you.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

[Carla L]

Kyra,

I must commend you for your actions. I am not at that point, always too apprehensive to break the mold I guess. I get really emotional at movies and can get so close to tears I don't know how I am able to stop it and hitde it. It baffles me how I can 'suck the tears' back into my eyes, but I can!

I have been struggling with wanting to tell someone in my family of my dressing, other than my wife. I don't know why, but someone. I have one brother who has a PHD in business psychology who once confided in my about a sexual issue he was going to therapy for. This happened before his degree and took place about 5 years ago. I think he would accept me as I am. I think.

If I can not get the strength to this, then I know I am not ready to let anyone else I personally know see me as I am, the other side of me. For now, I can only dream of that day. I've got to ponder what the consequences are of telling my brother. What if I am wrong and he doesn't want anything to do with me again. It is in the back of my mind an awful lot.

It sounds like you have really taken a big step forward. If you are anything like me, the next step will be the tell all. Do you revert back to the safer you, the old ways, or do you continue with what you've started? I wish you the best of luck in continuing.. It will be an example for me to follow someday.

[Tink (GG)]

Hi Kyra, and everyone! This post brought tears to my eyes. See, Kyra tried to show her sensitivity to male friends and they didn't quite get it. The woman friend that she allowed her 'feminine' emotions to will have a stronger bond with her now, no doubt.

My father is a tough old Italian. One day, at a family friend's anniversary party, their children played a beautiful slide show of pictures of the parents through the years. I was crying. I looked over at my father and he was CRYING TOO. I felt a closer connection with my father at that moment in time.

I think you will find yourself more complete, Kyra, by being WHO YOU ARE in this respect!

love & kudos to you, hon! Love, tink xoxo

[Tink (GG)]

Again, please forgive me for interjecting sometimes on these issues that are so important to you all. As a genetic girl, I often don't know if I should be putting in my opinion. However, some of the girls have told me that it is nice to hear what GG's think sometimes, so here I am. And if something touches me, like the posts here in this segment, then I will say so. I have met some of the warmest, sweetest folks here and feel very comfortable with you all. love, tinkster xoxo

[Virginia]

Tink,
Please don't ever feel the need to consider whether or not to respond to a thread. We love to hear from you and all the other GG's. It is nice to know that some of what "we" feel is actually our feminine personna expressing her self and to have a GG reinforce it!!
Love you!!!
Virginia

[Lydia]

Wonderful thread. Brings back memories of when I repressed tears and expressions of emotion because it added to my guilt and shame feelings.

In recent years, I have found how good it feels to "let it out." Most recently (in male dress) I cried gallons of tears at a good performance of "Madame Butterfly". Certan pieces of music turn on my water works: the second movement of Brahms 3rd Symphony; parts of Tchaikowsky's Pathetique; Tony Bennet doing "I left My Heart...."; and so on. The faucet turns on more easily, and unabashedly. I guess that is supposed to be my feminine side, but I think it is basically human and healthy.

Hugs,

Lydia

[Tink (GG)]

Oh, Thank you, Virginia. I feel better now. I don't want to be treading where I shouldn't and being a sensitive GG (an artist) I really relate to alot of what you girls are saying. (I don't often relate to others that readily, being an extreme sensitive). Since I have known Jeannie, this whole wonderful world of women has opened up to me and I embrace it. I love you all so much.

And Lydia! YES I could not agree with you more!!! The voice of Caruso will move me to tears. Only very sensitive people react to music in the manner in which we do! I am not sure if that is a male/female thing or just a born sensitivity in certain people of any gender. I could not live without music.

thank you for opening this lovely thread, Kyra!

love & hugs~ tink xoxo

[Tink (GG)]

AND Sally, your post was wonderful!!! I could NOT agree with you more. I have had the problem (all my life) of putting up a tough shell to hide the total mush of my interior. A true defense mechanism. See, (and other GG's on the forum, please, I don't mean you, you gals are by no means average) I have not fared very well with the average GG out there in society. The ones I have worked with etc.... SO superficial, catty, petty, jealous. I have never been of that bent. I have few CLOSE friends and those close friends have been life long.

So what Sally says about people loving you for who you really are is very true and important. Who has time for superficiality? Life is short.

Love you all and thanks for letting me 'spill'. hugs out~ tink xoxo

[Anita]

Oh, Kyra, that post got to me! It's very heartening to read, overall, and I certainly know what it's like. There are still situations where to allow those kinds of feelings to emerge is very risky. But that is becoming less and less as the years go by.

I can see why the woman at work would think that men would not be interested, and would not think to ask. That took courage, Kyra, and my eyes fill with tears even writing about it.

[Kyra]

WOW! This is so wonderful. I am in awe of you ladies. Thank you so much for the compliments.
Virginia, I haven't had a problem crying at movies. I do it all the time! I've seen West Side Story so many times, and I still get all choked up at the end. There's definitely nothing wrong with a good cry.

There's only been a few times in my life when, during an emotional conversation, I've let forth a tear. I've always tried to stifle them. To "hold back and be strong" I thought (wrongly so) was a good character trait. I see now how improper that was for me. It kept me from being who I really am. I look back and see just how "fake" I was. No, I'm not bashing myself, but I feel that I wasted a lot of energy putting up a front. A mask of bravado that simply wasn't what I'm all about.

CJ, I hope your journey gives you as much pleasure as mine is giving me. I have more freedom today than ever. I feel better about myself, too. Good luck and don't be such a stranger! We miss you!!!

Tink, apologies aren't necessary. I value everyone's input. I've learned to listen to all points of view. Listening to others is a great way to gain insight. There's much wisdom on this forum. I'll definitely not look a gift horse in the mouth.

Hey Robyn, I understand exactly where you're coming from. All I can say is just be patient. It sounds like you're on the right track. Weigh all the options before acting. I'm not trying to discourage you by any means. I still haven't told the majority of my family either. All I'm saying is err on the side of caution. There are ways to "test the waters" before actually coming out and saying something that may have detrimental effects.

Lydia, I couldn't agree more. Crying is a basic human emotion and I think a very healthy one. I do feel better after crying and I'm sure there's a psychological reason for it. My son shows more emotion than I did at his age (13) and I'll not try to prevent him from doing so. I remember my father giving me the "be a man" speech and don't think I'll pass that one on.

Thank you Sally. As always, you express yourself so well. You have a gift there, girlfriend. Sharing your experience is very much appreciated.

Do we really want people as a friend who only befriend us because we’re being someone we’re really not, being someone who fits into their narrow scope of how men or women should act, someone who acts or talks about the topics only they want to discuss, someone not being true to ourselves, no, a true friend is some who recognizes and accepts us for who we really are, accepts us not only for our good points but also our faults and stigmas, because every living human being has them to varying degrees.

I think deep down in my subconcious, this is what has been nagging at me for some time. It's what has prompted me to be more true to myself.I have many friends, but only a few close ones. And of those close friends, very few really know me. It's a shame, really. I'm glad I decided to do something about it.

I walk today with a little more zip in my step. I hold my head a little higher, because I'm not pretending anymore. Thank you all so much for your kindness and the encouragement you've given me.

To my friends,
Love,
Kyra

[Ronnie M]

oh-kay. here I go. movies..yesssssss. I do tend to cry at times. king kong, for one. shane for another. hell,..even watching star trek,...when spock died, and when data died, and...yessssssss, kirk died.

opening up? I have told this board more than I have any other.

MY version of joe-macho, tends to be a grumpy old man, that is just too old to give a damn, and has enough street skills to back it up.

I simply love the idea, of the last generation always said how big and bad they were when i was growing up, and now they are all either too old to stand up straight or or dead and gone. they don't seem so tough, now that they are too old to argue with me anymore.

unfortunately, my female side, is rare and few between. it has been a long long time since i got to put on makeup and dress up.

bear with me girls. some day, I may get to again.

ronnie

[Jamie Sue]

I love to cry at movies with my wife. It tends to relax me

Love Jamie Sue