Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi, I guess this is my first real post. I signed up a few days ago but I've just been reading some of the existing posts and have found alot of my questions answered by them. I've found that when I'm dressed I am much more shy, which is in great contrast to my usual male self. This leads me to my question though, besides your appearance what else changes for you when you are en femme? I have found that my personality is much diffrent when I am dressed. Usually my male persona is quick tempered and irritable, but when I dressed I feel SO MUCH diffrence. My wife says I'm much quieter more tolerant and patient.

I was wondering if being dressed changes you emotionally, do those behaviors transcend your dress, or do you find that your personality changes when you change back into/out of your girl clothes? This past week I've dressed up every night but one when I got home from work and the next day as my male self I've felt much more relaxed. I didn't know if this was a result of the inital thrill of finally being able to dress in ease or, if finally being able to dress is permantley changing my male personas' personality?

I really like how I feel most of the time now, and I don't want to go back to being angry most of the time. Like most women in my wifes position she is worried I think that she is losing her husband, or that I'm going to want to transition. Though I'm fairly young I tell her I'm pretty confident that I would never want that, I enjoy too much about being a man. HOWEVER my hope is that whatever is causing me to feel so much more at ease will help me to be a better husband and father as well, and will continue to effect my male personality as well, because that is the most important part of me.

I haven't noticed anything, however, when i play WoW I play as a female and i notice my mentality from that is slowly consuming my personality as a whole, basically the girl i am inside that i let out in WoW is taking over my own persona, interesting, huh?

Jennifer R wrote: I really like how I feel most of the time now, and I don't want to go back to being angry most of the time. Like most women in my wifes position she is worried I think that she is losing her husband, or that I'm going to want to transition. Though I'm fairly young I tell her I'm pretty confident that I would never want that, I enjoy too much about being a man. HOWEVER my hope is that whatever is causing me to feel so much more at ease will help me to be a better husband and father as well, and will continue to effect my male personality as well, because that is the most important part of me.

Hi Jennifer--
My experience is that you can carry over those good feelings and/or positive traits, but it does mean a change in how you present yourself. It will affect your male personality, and you can't always pick and choose exactly how.

Now, you can always choose to squelch the new behaviors, so I'm not talking about being out of control. But trying to squelch them can be so uncomfortable that it is not worth the effort. Your mind and your body get used to being comfortable, and they want to stay that way.

But some of the female body language and ways of speaking go with those new feelings, and you have to allow for that. I get surprised and amused most of the time when that happens. like the time I touched my lesbian contractor friend on the shoulder as I passed by her. Very natural for "Anita" to do, but radically different for my male self! I didn't explain it it to her at the time, but I'm sure she wondered "What was THAT?"

So if you and your wife and your kids can get used to these subtle differences in you, you can hold on to more and more of the postive stuff. But it's not always easy--if it were, our male selves would have figured out a way to do it without going to the extremes of gender switching. But you don't need to transition to get these benefits--they're available here and now.

I haven't noticed any changes in my personality btween being dressed and not.

I'm pretty laid back, but can strike out like a rattler if the situation calls for it. Luckily, no such situation has occured whilst I've been dressed enfemme. But there have been some come close.

Hi Jennifer,

I agree with Anita, but I would expand on the comfort feeling. I guess we do have to sort of get comfortable with the anima in us. It is my considered opinion that if some feminine "action" does not come naturally to you whether you are dressed or not then you need to study it. Is it something that you like and can adapt to or is it just to "far out" to become apart of you. If you do "it" as a matter of course then that can be a part of you and you do it without thinking.

One area that I have noticed for several years and now it is just me and I don't even think about it, is the way that I drive. Virginia is much more relaxed and courteous all the time and it has become second nature.

Another thing is what Anita eluded to and that is touching other people. It is now second nature to me. I still enjoy seeing the reaction I get from strangers when I pay attention to them and smile and tilt my head to listen and to reach out and touch their arm for example. At first they are shocked, then it is like their whole attitude changes and most seem to say, that "hey this person actually sees me and is listening to what I have to say, how cool is that!?"

Some of us do struggle with the "how to act" in one universe compared to the other and some of us have found the balance that works for us in both and things just flow!

Just don't fight it, but relish it and at best try to understand it and seek the balance between the two that works for you!

Love,

Virginia

Hi Jennifer R,
Not only are our names close ,but our stories as well.I had goosebumbs reading your post.When I was trying to deny my feminine side (40+ years),I too was an angry male.Denying who I was took a terrible toll on me and the anger effected everyone around me.Since being honest with myself and who I am I am a much better person regardless of which gender is predominant.In my case the feeling and all the mannerisms come out first creating the need for my outside to match my inside.I can only describe it as a switch in my mind that goes back and forth between male and female.I am finally beginning to like who I am and I hope it shows.

Personally, I become much more carefree, caring and jovial while in my femme persona.
It might be because my usual stiff temperament is but a defense mechanism I developed to hide myself under...

They should do research on that.

Hi, thank you all for your replies you've been very helpful. I guess this is all still fairly new to me, I am just so anxious to learn just how this is going to fit into my life. I realize that it will take me some time to get to know this part of me, and who I am as a whole.

I really feel a diffrence in my temperment since I have begun to be true to myself. I still have the same quick temper, but for the last few weeks when I find myself getting upset I've reacted much more rationally. Most importantly for me I feel like (correct me if I'm wrong baby) I've been much more compassionate and respectful to my family. This is a big problem for me, before I began to dress I could sometimes be nothing short of an a**hole. I feel really guilty for the way I have acted at times in the past in reguards to being a loving and attentive father/husband.

I truly belive that hiding this from my wife, and for a time, trying to deny it to myself led to alot of the stress I felt. Though I've only been dressing for a few weeks now, I really feel that I can act like the more compassionate and caring person that I am. Also being that I have no need to create any defense mechanisims in reguards to my wife, considering that she now knows my 'lil secret', I hope that I won't feel any need to disguise my real emotions to her anymore. The compassion and caring side of most women is something that I've always admired, and that feminine trait certainly comes natural to me. I certainly have no problem in 'displaying' that characteristic in my male persona, because I have certainly needed it.

Anyway thanks for all the comments y'all (can you tell I'm from the south?) you've all been so nice and welcoming it means alot to me!

*Jennifer R*

This is just MY opinion:

I think it is a pyschological thing. It is the frame of mind we have when we cross dress. Our own motive enters in to the thing and we take on our own motive. If I dress in femme and am still thinking like a "boy" then I come across still as my "boy mode." But when I put on my femme clothes and my mind is on my female self--then I come across more as my female self rather than my male body. I think female, I feel female, I act female, therefore I AM WOMAN! My male body characteristics tend to fade into the back as did my female traits all those years I ran around pretending to "be a man."

My only hangup so far is to stay in the mental/emotional mode. I sometimes find myself slipping back to "boy mode" while in femme style. And, I have even found myself saying something about my past sometimes and I slip into "when I was a boy..." So I have to be careful about that also or it catches me. But I think it is just a mental state.

I have four personalties that I know of, but they are all female.

I think that I would have had these personalities(DID) wether I was tg or not. They came about from some scars in my life, now they won't go away.

my personality stays the same but internally i feel more relaxed and at peace.for a short time my wife tried to be ok with me walking around in a skirt at home, i noticed the feeling of being at peace was still with me wearing male clothes.since she changed her mind i feel resentful now wearing male clothes.

I have come to realize that my personality has always been the same.
My dressing makes me feel more complete and comfortable.

I don't know where this road will take me but I have found that in the past year or so, "Jackie" has become more and more insistant that she be released into the public realm.

It is scary, but at the same time it has brought me a sense of peace within myself and I am no longer going to try and squelch who I am for anyone or anything anymore.

My wife told me the other day that she has noticed that when I was dressed that my attitude, movemnets, walk, and etc was different than when I was in full drab mode. She said it is one reason she feels I don't have a problem when I go out dressed. I had to stop and think about what she said and she is right. I do act more like a female when I am dressed. In fact it may be why every so often I have someone think of me as a female when I am in all boy mode, like what happen in Walmart the other day. I guess every so often I don't totally switch back to all boy mode and my fem side is still showing and some people pick up on it.

I have to tell you that when I am thinking womanly dressed in either garb I know there is a difference.

If I am feeling womanly I tend to deal with more stressful situations better, if I approach the decision from my womans point of view it is usually smoother and more methodical. If I approach the situation in my manly side it is usually more executed and not well planned and the clean up crew has to deal with it. Either way the job gets done it is just how it gets done.

I prefer my womanly side and would like to stay there but I have yet to produce that.

My wife also worries about loosing a husband. I have convinced her that a caring woman is more fun and has more feeling. The female side of my personallity does indeed show a more caring side to women and how they feel.