Hi all,
Lorna,
My heart goes out to you. I'm hoping that, in your eyes, my being a crossdresser doesn't lessen the impact of whatever encouragement I can offer you.
First, you may think of yourself as the odd-girl out but, while it may be true on this forum, I think how you feel is probably more representative of the thinking of most women out there who are partnered with CDs (no, I have no stats to back this up, it's intuitively true, to me). So, please, don't feel alienated on that account.
I'm glad you spoke your true feelings. This might be strictly a numbers issue, but while there are many tales here of woe and wishes for fulfillment on the part of crossdressers (and I'm not trying to minimize the importance of anyone's experience), I find that many of the SOs who post, while true and sincere in their feelings and views, seem to feel they need to tread the ground of their own woes in a very delicate and politic manner, for fear of offending and injuring others. I, for one, am not as interested in how I think an SO should feel about her partner's CDing as I am in how she truly, really feels. I want to know and I want to learn what impact my behaviour (and, yes, my being) has on those I love. Only then is there any possibility for me to re-examine the nature and the quality of my relationships with those people.
As for the etiology (or the cause) of transvestism, it matters only insofar as it relates to the possibility of change. The verdict is still out, but the jury leans toward social and environmental factors being more determinant in the appearance of gender variance than do genetic or endocrinological ones. If I'm born this way (or if God made me this way--the metaphysical variation of destiny), then little room is left for change. I need take no responsibility for who I am (and for the effects my behaviour may have on other people). If, on the other hand, my crossdressing is a result of deep-rooted psychological processes, then some measure of accommodation and compromise is possible... if I know myself well enough, that is. Here, therapy can help. Especially in my being able to more accurately gauge the extent to which I can (or cannot) balance my own needs against those of my loved ones.
Again, Lorna, thanks for sharing yourself with us. I hope that you and your SO may eventually come to a place where you can truly meet, both in the bedroom and out. Nevertheless, if you can't do that, your feelings certainly matter no less than his. And I hear you.
Love,
Christina
