First Night Out

[Laura]

Hi Girls,

Tonight I was out of the house dressed for the first time. I attended a men's support group meeting that I have been part of for many years. I told the guys about what changes I've been going through, and they encouraged me to attend while en femme. Tonight I wore a long black knit skirt, a pink print blouse, two inch heels, matching necklace, bracelet, and light makeup. As I walked out of the bathroom where I had changed (I brought my clothes, etc. with me from home), an inner voice, that felt almost audible said: "What the . . . . are you doing? I just smiled and went through with it.

Well, it was great!!! It wasn't just that the other men were supportive. Most important was how I felt. I felt so natural and so at ease. And as the night wore on (2 and one-half hours), I felt more relaxed and grounded than I ever remember feeling. It was just a wonderful feeling of being me. When I talked, I noticed that I lacked that male ego edge of something to prove. I felt much more accepting of others and feelings flowed more easily. It was like a whole other being had moved up into my self. A lot of feminine mannerisms just seemed to come out naturally. It was much different than being dressed at home. All in all it was an experience that I'll never forget. Laura stepped out and she's in heavan.

Love,

Laura

[Alexandra]

Congrats and good for you!

[Nancy]

Going out as a woman. Now there is a whole other subject that many or most of us have to deal with. For some of us it is just another part of our CDing and who we are to others to go out as a woman would be to act like someone else.

I have a couple CD girl friends that are out and about all the time and think nothing about it. They go where ever they want and do what they want and don't give it a second thought. However, I just can not bring my self to do it. I think I would love to be out and about and to experience all I could of what it is like to be a woman but I have an excuse that I keep falling back on that allows me not to. I am 6' 2" and way way over weight.

I have come to the point where I can see if I dress right and wear the right womens shoes I could get over the heighth issue but it's my weight that I can just not get around. Last year I started Weight Watchers and I have really been in no hurry to lose the weight but have lost 50 lbs so far with hundreds more to go.

Some times I wonder is it those that go out that tend to make those of us that do not go out feel we are not up to snuff with our CDing? I ask my self would I be happier as a CD being out and about as a woman? Where I am now all I see is being worried and nervous and not being my self. How whould that make me feel better or happier?

I do go to support meetings and I do go to and from dressed and made up as a woman. I do enjoy the the whole time I am at the meetings and one of the girls but there I know I am at a safe place. I know how wonderful it feels to just be me the way I like being me but I am having a go of it trying to figure out if the adventure of going out is worth all the nerves and stress?

For now I live a lot of my gong out as a girl dreams reading about and hearing about the experiences of other CD's that do go out.

Walking into a room filled with other CD's at my first Tri-ess meeting was a trip in it's self. It was the first time I was ever dressed and made up as a women in front of anyone else except my wife that I knew I would have to interact with. To walk into a room full of men at a mens support group must have been a sky high event?

[Lacey Hadley]

Hi Laura, good for you.


I'm in the process of working up my courage to plan a makeover at a Merle Norman franchise not too far from where I live. I called them and probed them about doing makeovers for cders and the lady on the phone was very supportive. She explained that they have done cders before ( well some of the girls there ) She noted that I could come endrab, change into an outfit in the back room and then be like any other gal getting professional advice and make over.

I am extra excited at trying to do this as a female coworker of mine who knows I am a cder freely offerd to go along with me, then also my sister is interested in coming along. So I just need to push myself, make an appointnent and coordinate the excursion with my female coworker friend and sister.

I have already given thought to how I plan to dress. It will be tastefully feminine but reserved enough to not screem, out LOOK AT ME. I am thinking between a pair of ladies jean or my long blue denim skirt. On top I'll were a purple silk blouse and a semi-formal black jacket or even a blue jean jacket. I'll be wearing either my spikey heeled granny boots or a pair of zip up knee length high heel boots ( if I wear the skirt ) My wig is a lose curled shoulder length one that is dirty blonde in colour.

I think I will look pretty but not trampy. I also know my fear of this lies inside my head. I know that in the mall most people will probably not even notice me as a cder and if they do they will just carry on or maybe show quick curriosity. Anyways this is a goal I want to push myself to, I'm close to doing it and I also know if and once I do it my outlook on cding in open public will change for the better.

Anyways I just wanted to give you Laura and all others here my support and liven it with a goal of mine.

take care: Lacey

[Anita]

Good for you, Laura! It's surprising how some mannerisms and feelings just seem to come with the package of being dressed. It brings out more of them to interact with other people, because you're not really thinking about them when you respond to a conversation. It just happens.

Nancy, good luck with the weight loss. I agree that it is tough to have both the unusual height and the weight. Yet I've seen big girls out there. You will have to work harder at style and makeup to offset the male cues that your size creates.
A

[Laura]

Alexandra, Julie, Nancy, and Lacey: Thank you for your comments. I still feel like I'm on a cloud even a day after. Of course, it's not the same as going out in public where there are people who don't know you. But, it was a big step for me. I'm just amazed at how much like a woman I felt. Going out in a mall shopping or something like that would be a real test. My main fear is being "read" and perhaps harrassed. The first time I will do it I'll probably go out with a cd friend of mine who has more experience. I think that step is at least a month or so off.

Julie: Your message really helped me. I was so startled when this female personality just stepped in, I was getting scared I'd lose my male side down the road. The fact that you feel the same way when dressed, makes me think these two sides can be balanced. By the way, I like your cute Dylan quote.

Nancy: I've heard that being overweight can be an advantage in "passing." Have you described what your Tri-Ess experience was like? I'm curious. Anyway, my advice is, if you think you want to do, then do it.

Lacey: Like you, I planned what I was going to wear before I went out for weeks. It seemed it was always on my mind. In the end it didn't matter that much. I think I also might want to try a Merle Makeover someday soon. About two months ago my cd friend took me to a makeover counter in a department store, and I agreed to do the whole bit on the spur of the moment. I was in guy clothes and sitting in the middle of the store gettng lipstick, etc. put on as customers strolled by. I was getting freaked out. I'm much more confident now, but would still want to use a backroom. Let us know how the Merle Norman thing works out. Good luck!

I've decided that at least I'm going to attend at least the next few men's meetings en femme. Instead of looking at it as a challenge, I'm now looking forward to it. YEAH!!

Love,

Laura

[Carol Ann]

Hi Laura ,
I have to agree with everyone going out enfem is a high within it self.
My first outing was with a tri-ess group and I will tell you I was so scared I couldn't talk. First time out and in public to a restaurant mixing with people. Didn't take long before I knew people don't care management didn't care and nobody looked at us twice. You are always safe in a group, Before ventureing out alone I would go in a group until you feel comfortable. As for me it's always a high to go out as a women, always a new adventure . Have fun an enjoy the women within Carol Ann

[Laura]

Hi Anita and Carol Ann,

I appreciate your responses. Anita: you're right, the feminine mannerisms just seemed natural when dressed. I felt softer and more calm and much more concerned about my appearance, and I think that had an effect. Carol Ann: I like your advice, though at present, I only know one cd. I'll keep it mind. Going out does feel like "a high"--the best kind.

Love,

Laura

[Beauty]

GOOD FOR YOU LAURA!!!!

Beauty

[Kyra]

Way to go, Girl!

One step in front of the other. That's the way we forge through life!
Hmmm, sounds like advice i should giving myself.

Best of luck on your next outing.
Hugs,
Kyra

[Kersten Lee]

Hi,
It is so good to hear your experience, Laura. Men still scare me a lot.
I am so happy it was a good experience. Many good girls have replied to
me saying, enjoy but be careful. I have done more and more daring
outings. I finally went to a Penny's and shopped all prettied up before
Christmas. I was pretty nervous but got better as I shopped and was
amongst the people. I didn't buy anything because my voice gets
froggy when I'm nervous. During Christmas I went out in day light
the first time in a mall. I tried shoes on at Payless. Customers and
clerks were very polite. I was surprised. I went and bought groceries.
A take out boy smiled several times to me. I smiled and all went
wonderfully. I think he probably suspected but was not rude. I haven't
went out since. It seems now like it was a dream being accepted so
kindly.

To Nancy, please don't be so hard on yourself. Do what you enjoy
which it sounds you are. I am far from being pretty but feel womanly
when dressed and more so these days when not. Be nice to your self
and worry less about measuring up to some standard. I know a lot of
these girls and we all care for you. Being happy is the best. We are
all individuals. I hope the best for you.

To both of you, thank you for writing from the heart.
I love all the rest too but Nancy and Laura struck the deepest cord in my
heart on this thread. It is so great to be among people who care for
each other again. My spirits have been raised!

Kisses all around,
Kersten

[Laura]

Kisses to you too Kersten,

It's wonderful that you had the courage to go out dressed in public. It's just a wonderful feeling being accepted for who we are. I hope you continue your journey and let us know what happens. I will with mine.

This board is a place where cders can write from their heart and be appreciated for it. I can sense your heart is open, sister, and do appreciate it.

Love,

Laura

[Geena]

Way to go Laura I`m so glad to hear that your first time out, was a good experience. I hope you have many more enjoyable outtings .

Hugzzzz,
Geena

[Kyra]

I know this thread was started by Laura, but since it's on topic, I figured this to be the best place to post.

Kyra stepped out the front door last night!

Amber and I attended our first support group meeting, and it felt great! Nervous for the better part of an hour, I managed to utter a few tangible words and keep conversation. My nerves settled down after a while and I really started to have a good time. My first meeting, so I had to stand and speak briefly...and my mind went blank! It was a good thing Amber was with me, her presence calmed "Nervous Nelly". I met some really great people. (It'll take two or three meetings to remember all the names!)
Things didn't go as planned, however. Meeting time was set for 6:00pm and even though we had to rush, we made it on time. But the board of directors' meeting lasted until 8:00. This pushed the general meeting back until 10:00. And of course, the babysitter had a change of plans too. She couldn't stay late and we had to rush to get home. So our plan for drinks after the meeting was cancelled.
Oh well, that's just the way it goes...

It still felt GREAT!

Hugs,
Kyra

[Beauty]

YAY !!!!
That's so awesome!!!

How did it feel when driving in the car?

How did it feel when you walked out the door?

I'm very proud of you. You're so pretty!!! Amber tells the GG's all the time how marvelous you look.

Congrats!!!

Beauty