Hello, I'm Kelly

[Kelly]

I'm here because I need, well, a forum. I'm confused, and conflicted; better than being in denial, I suppose. I have been a vicarious gender explorer since the internet reached critical mass. Now I need dialog. Too reach out with my feelings and get feedback, too comment on insights of like minded. This seemed like the right community. After reading some of the topics here it just seemed like the right fit.

As long as I can remember I have always struggled with the great gender divide. As a child I 'played dress up' in both my mom's and my dad's clothes; but that is pretty typical of a child that admires his parents. I had the desire, and occasional, opportunity to try on my younger sister's, and later, my wife's undies or clothes; but it was clear early in most attempts that I would tear the garment before getting it on. Yea, my wife would occasionally have an oversized article I could get into, until it got donated to goodwill. So the best I could ever do when home alone is play around with a bit of lipstick and nail polish.

Still, in private thoughts, I always wondered what is was like to be feminine. Sometimes casual thought, sometimes nearly obsessive preoccupation. I once heard a guy say something like "The rest of the football team wanted to date the cheerleader, I wanted to be the cheerleader". For me, it is "What is it like to be the cheerleader" (and yes I was one of the guys on the team that wanted to date her).

But there is more. I have become jealous of women. Their grace. Their broad range of clothing choices. Their accessories. Their curves. Their ability to have fun with each other. Their power - maybe it is their power over me. I believe the phrase: "The term 'fairer sex' was coined by a woman just before she vanquished some man". Sounds like a great club to be in, even if you're a pretender.

So, last month two things happened. First my family left town to visit some relatives. Second I was in one of my preoccupied with femininity modes. On the way home from the airport I came to the realization that I had the chance to jump into the deep end of the cross dressing pool. I acted on it.

I found the email address of a local makeover service and ask about open slots. Yes there was. I made a reservation, paid the fee and was scheduled four days hence. I was excited. I shaved off sideburns, my legs, chest hair. I got my nails into presentable - not perfect - shape. I became a serial user of moisturizer.

Almost everything in the session was a first time experience.... full makeup, wig, bra and breast forms, skirts and dresses that fit. After a couple of hours we were shopping in a local mall !!!!

About the time the mascara went on, Kelly became real. And she, or should I say I, had a blast. The genie is now out of the bottle.

"What just happen" was the theme of thought the next day. Who is Kelly? What does she like? Does she have any fashion sense? How can she improve here figure? Get rid of her wrinkles? Why did she enjoy myself? Why do I want to do it again? Am I in over my head? Can Kelly ever be on the cover of Vogue? (haha fat chance, at my age be realistic, but a girl can aspire). How will I ever get her out to play again?

So, that is why I'm here. To explore these (and countless more) questions. To engage in other questions posed by my sisters. My feelings are real, my needs are real. Run with it, have fun with it, see what happens.

And to have a blast.

[Karin]

Hi Kelly,
to the forum, It's lovely to meet you!

Yup. You sound perfectly normal to me! You're in the right place too - theres lots of like minded people, and lots of advice here.
See ya

[DonnaT]

Hi Kelly, aboard.

Don't get lost in the pink fog and get too carried away too fast. If your wife doesn't know, getting careless can upset the apple cart.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Kelly, and welcome to the forum!


- SL

[Anthony Simon]

Welcome, Kelly.

I'm here because I need, well, a forum. I'm confused, and conflicted; better than being in denial, I suppose. I have been a vicarious gender explorer since the internet reached critical mass. Now I need dialog. Too reach out with my feelings and get feedback, too comment on insights of like minded. This seemed like the right community. After reading some of the topics here it just seemed like the right fit.

Well, we hope so. My introductory post here had "conflicted" in the title anyway. I know, with me, the being conflicted means my best policy was just to do everything gradually - so that I've been able to come to terms with the CDing.

[Martina Hall]

Welcome to the forum, Kelly! This is a great site to talk and listen. Many like-minded gals here. Welcome.

[Kelly]

DonnaT,

Thanks for your wise words. I had taken the term "Pink Fog" to be a euphoric giddiness that clouds good judgment. But, I am in such an introspective state that my productivity in other aspect of life is suffering. I'm in a fog and it is pink. Thanks for helping to put a label on it.

Right now, I am in the wife-doesn't-need-to-know camp. Why? For her, very little upside and a lot of downside. Will travel that road s-l-o-w.

Again, thanks for being there.

[Kelly]

Wow. I'm on the verge of tears. Such a welcome, so quickly after my initial post.

Karin, you must be either the official or self-appointed welcome wagon. Thanks for doing that and being there. Luv Ya.

SilverLady, it is obvious you work hard to run a tight ship and keep everything running smooth. Don't know if it is a vocation or advocation and don't care. I'm grateful your there.

Yes, Anthony, I get what you are saying. It took me 40 years to do any significant CDing. The difference now is it isn't abstract. It is real. But I'll still take it slow. Thanks for reminding me, and please remind me again in the future 'cause I'm sure I'll need it.

Martina, you gotta be a night owl to respond so quickly. Thank you for taking the time.

and again, thank DonnaT. I won't be redundant here from my previous post. Just know that even a quick reply can be very meaningful.

Thanks, sisters, knowing your there is such a relief.

Kellly

[Rikki]

Welcome, Kelly!!

I take your points to heart, especially about wife's "need-to-know". Mine would definitely suffer more "downs" than I would gain in "ups" by telling her. I think she would not be totally shocked or amazed, but pulling the curtain down to reveal the elephant in the room would put amazing stresses on her and an otherwise pretty good relationship. I'm happy with my level of femme activity, no desire to go out and about as a fat, flamboyant CD'er in our small, redneck community and she struggles with her own measure of self-worth from time to time and doesn't need to have a leg pulled out from under her.

Anyway, welcome to our world HQ for all things pretty and pink.

Pouf on, girl!
Rikki

[Leeza]

Hi, Kelly

[Carol Esme]

A few months back Kelly I had my first professional make-over and two hours later was out shopping in the mall. Then I took my mentor for dinner in an Italian restaurant. However my fantastic experience came after 50 yrs of off and on amateur crossdressing mainly behind closed doors. So we are the same but different. You'll find a lot of that here. Enjoy swopping thoughts and experiences. Welcome.

[Robin H]

Hi Kelly So glad to meet you and to the forum this a awesome group of ladies and I love it here I too went a long time before embracing or accepting of Robin I love who I am and would not change it for anything. So explore and hopefully you find what you are looking for here I think you will, I know I have.

[Carly]

Welcome Kelly