CDing and sexuality

[Lacey Hadley]

Hi gals, it's been a while but I have been recently pondering things and felt like touching base here.

CD-ing and sexuality.

Ok as a dude endrab I am 100% confident as a straight male. I have ZERO desire for sexual encounters or such with men, never had such. So as I grew into adulthood and my growth in CDing moved through puberty where as a child, dabbling in my mother's clothes and shoes (when I could still fit them) where crossdressing was just a feminine escape, I noticed as a young adult male that sexuality began to drift into my CDing. Yes, to my mind and such I looked cute all femmed up even as a rudimentary young crossdresser, long before makeup and even wigs.

Dressed in girls clothes I began to adopt a mental ideal of being soft and submissive. It was here that I began to imagine sex dressed as a girl with men. I could not picture it any other way. During my still immature dressing, I'm role playing girly and wanting to be desirable so my male mind began to enjoy how I looked as a girl and yes when CDing it was to look very feminine, hose, heels cute/sexy skirts, dresses etc.

Later when I began buying makeup and wigs, to then develop makeup skills (youtube helped a lot here) and coordinating outfits with my wigs and makeup I really began to enjoy how cute, sexy and even passable (???) I looked. As a heterosexual male I loved seeing well turned out women and my exwife for one was a very well dressed woman, it made me very excited at times to see her dressed as such. I was though in the CD closet so she never knew about this side of me.

But today I see my made up, dressed up girly self and I find my male side attracted Lacey my femme side.

She is so much what I enjoy in the beauty of femininity, female clothing, shoes, hair and makeup. As a guy watching well dressed girls including on tv or movies and I feel attracted as most guys do but I also love the clothes, hair, makeup and shoes to wish could wear said outfits as seen.

So when I doll myself up and look good at least to my eyes and mind if I go in male mode sexually in mind, though I cannot imagine being attracted by men, my femme side would imagine and crave the eyes of men on my femme side and I'd fantasize about submitting sexually to the idea of men being attracted to me. That said I have even in girly mode never had sexual encounters with men. It's just my mind seeing how cute, feminine and sexy I can look that I can then imagine such sexual encounters with men.

Does this make me homosexual? Odd as again endrab I have NO sexual desires to be with a man. But enfemme I fantasize about being desired by men. This has bothered me most of my adult life and I have tried to reason with it most often failing at such. At times to often hate myself and in despair as well for feeling messed up.


It's only been recently that I began to wrap my mind around it all with answers. So I figured this.

Dressed as a cute and sexy gal with hair and makeup done, I picture Lacey as a woman I'd like to date or make love too. This is a heterosexual point of view. My femme side when dressed craves or imagine being desired by men and as such I guess is why I can imagine sexual relations dressed enfemme in my mind with men. This is the best explanation I have come to after all these years. Do any others here see or think similar?

I mean I can for instance watch an episode of Friends and as guy kind of lust for Jennifer Aniston, but also so want to wear her clothes and be girly. I'm also a fan of the classic Buck Rogers in the 25th. Century on METV. Watching it today just as back when as a teen I fell in love with Erin Grey and I am attracted to her on tv but I love the clothes she wears at times in the show to wish to wear them too. I also adored Stephanie Powers in Hart to Hart, her outfits and her gorgeous auburn/red hair blew my mind back then and I also wanted to wear her clothes to be seen as cute and sexy as she was too.

Any thoughts?

[Davita]

First, you don't need a title/category. You're simply you.

As for your sexuality... What if you had a fetish? Does that make you asexual? When someone asks my sexual preference, I ask, "based on my sex or gender? Does it matter?" Every one of us has a quirk about something. Why can't you have a different sexual preference based on how you're dressed? Don't you have days when apple pie just doesn't float your boat and you want cherry? Can't you just be curious about sexual activity whatever it is? Just enjoy whatever sex you get and I hope it was worth enjoying.

[Lacey Hadley]

Great reply Davita you eloquently hit proverbial nail on the head.

[Hanna]

Lacey, I feel exactly like you. I my male mode I am straight arrow. En femme I want attention to my looks , body etc. It's interesting.

[Lacey Hadley]

Hi Hanna,


Yes, so true. Yesterday afternoon (March 6) I was dressed enfemme, everything but makeup, did not have enough play time to do my make up , (I feel good that even enfemme without makeup I still look on the girly side, well to my eyes at least. ) but I'm going do the full makeup thing today . Anyways I went into some deeper thoughts about this while all dressed. Yes, when I dress as a girl I dress to look very feminine, cute, flirty and even sexy. Crossdressing as Lacey is my escape from my daily life and when doing it I'm going to dress such as to enhance the femininity, sensuality and the 'eye candy' look of a well dressed lady.

So thinking yesterday I just accepted that the male in me is attracted to the way I dress, look and act as Lacey the girl in me. It's really not a surprise to me now in that is the way I grew up in my case through the 70's and 80's wanting to see and I or we of that vintage got the joy to see many girls our age and ladies dressed so well back then as a more normal part of daily life.

So dressed as a girl I tend to portray a softer, more at peace and even submissive side where my girly mind enjoys the thought of being seen as cute or sexy to men and even desired by men including my male side, which like you Hanna when in drab is 100% straight. As I said I find it so interesting to be so different in sexuality when dressed as Lacey especially when with full make up too in that it rounds out my femme side to 100%.

[DonnaT]

Basically, it has been held that a male is usually identified as being homosexual if there is only a sexual attraction to another male, no matter how you present. Bisexual if sexually attracted to both men and women, regardless of how dressed.

Sexual attraction to only men while enfemme and only women while drab, had no socially predefined label.

Autogynephilia has been defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female.

By, say 2010?, some coined the term Skoliosexual that refers to people who are attracted to people who are transgender or nonbinary.

More recently, a less restrictive term, Androsexual, refers to people who are attracted to masculinity. This means they’re attracted to aspects of “maleness” — physical, emotional, mental, or sexual. People who are androsexual may be attracted to anyone with masculine qualities no matter their gender or sexual orientation.

Additionally, Gynosexuality, sometimes spelled gynesexuality, describes someone who's attracted to femininity. That means a person of any gender can be attracted to someone who identifies as female or who expresses feminine characteristics. People who are gynosexual may identify as male, female, nonbinary (not exclusively male or female), or another sexual orientation. However, the term may be more commonly used by people who are nonbinary.

That being said, why worry about labels at all?

[Lacey Hadley]

Very informative post Donna, thanks.

I certainly am attracted to my female self in how Lacey presents herself. Dressed enfemme does still have me attracted to well turned out and dressed females. I imagine love making but then after playing girly dress up together. Also as noted earlier I imagine being seen as attractive by men too. I guess enfemme Lacey is bisexually attracted with a slight bias to wanting men to find me attractive when dressed as a girl. Maybe it's because that would be more taboo in my mind.

[Ralitsa]

I completely agree with the conclusion of "why worry about labels at all?"

But even though I agree with that, it doesn't stop me from worrying about it

So I always said that I'm only a crossdresser and nothing else. Maybe that was never true or maybe it's changed ...... I don't know. I've been applying OTC progesterone and things to change hormone levels and maybe that has something to do with it too. How you think has everything to do with brain chemistry and it seems reasonable to believe that it will change depending on what you're doing. So to me it's not surprising that when I start thinking of myself as a woman and wanting to be a woman that it includes all aspects of that.
Nobody really knows how the brain actually works, sure there is a much better understanding than 20 years ago, but still. So it's hugely helpful for people to share their observations and thoughts here about that, because nobody else has the data. Maybe all those researchers should join these forums as lurkers and get some real world data for their theories and labels

For what it's worth, I now consider myself to be an aspiring lesbian. I'm not quite there yet, but with hard work and determination I think one day I'll be quite a good lesbian.