Just found out a Forum
is two-um plus two-um.
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A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 ** LOCKED **
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Loretta Ann
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Another Police Story
A New York cop saw a man dressed in full cowboy garb - hat, chaps, duster, six-shooters, boots, and spurs, standing on a busy street corner. He approached him cautiously and asked his name.
"Call me Tex," answers the Cowboy with a friendly smile.
Well, Tex, where you from, Texas"? asks the cop.
"Nope", says Tex, I'm from Mississippi, but I couldn't very well let you call me Miss when I'm dressed like this"!!!!
"Call me Tex," answers the Cowboy with a friendly smile.
Well, Tex, where you from, Texas"? asks the cop.
"Nope", says Tex, I'm from Mississippi, but I couldn't very well let you call me Miss when I'm dressed like this"!!!!
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Carolynn
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))))) 
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Eloise Goth
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2 women who havent seen each other since college met up for a drink to talk about their lives since they last met.
the first woman reveals she's been married 3 times.
'3 times?? what happened?' asked her friend.
'well the first one was a philosopher,and would just talk about my...bits. the second was a gynaecologist and would just look at them. I miss number 3 though...he was a stamp collector'.
the first woman reveals she's been married 3 times.
'3 times?? what happened?' asked her friend.
'well the first one was a philosopher,and would just talk about my...bits. the second was a gynaecologist and would just look at them. I miss number 3 though...he was a stamp collector'.
And you thought I was dead.
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Carolynn
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No, NO Lorna!!! It was a tattoo he was singing of. It said "MOM" in a heart!! 
(Just thought the old joke needed an update, given the popularity of tats these days).
(Just thought the old joke needed an update, given the popularity of tats these days)."It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Carolynn
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the bad jokes thread
Three pregnant women were sitting in the doctors waiting room, discussing conception.
The brunette said, " Well I conceived in the missionary position, so we're going to have a boy."
The red head said, " Well I conceived in the female superior position, so we're going to have a girl."
The blonde said, after thinking how she conceived " OMG, I'm going to have pups."
The brunette said, " Well I conceived in the missionary position, so we're going to have a boy."
The red head said, " Well I conceived in the female superior position, so we're going to have a girl."
The blonde said, after thinking how she conceived " OMG, I'm going to have pups."
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
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True Romance?
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
"You used to hold my hand when we were courting", she suggested. Wearily he reached across and held her hand, and tried to get back to sleep. Seconds later, she said, "Then you used to kiss me." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and tried to return to slumber, feeling mildly irritated. Thirty seconds later, she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."
Disturbed from his doze again, the husband angrily threw the covers off and got up. "Where are you going", she asked.
"To get my blankety blank teeth!"
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
"You used to hold my hand when we were courting", she suggested. Wearily he reached across and held her hand, and tried to get back to sleep. Seconds later, she said, "Then you used to kiss me." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and tried to return to slumber, feeling mildly irritated. Thirty seconds later, she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."
Disturbed from his doze again, the husband angrily threw the covers off and got up. "Where are you going", she asked.
"To get my blankety blank teeth!"
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Eloise Goth
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a rabbit and bear were walking through the woods when they came across a lantern.
'hey,do ya think its one of them there magic ones?'asked the bear
'give it a rub and see' the rabbit told him.
so the bear rubbed the lantern, and with a flash bang, a Genie appeared.
'Thank you for freeing me from the lantern where I have been trapped for a thousand years...I must show my gratitude by granting you 3 wishes each'.the Genie proclaimed.
the bear went first. 'hmm...for my first wish, I want to be the only male Bear in the woods'. his wish was granted.
'I'd like a motorbike helmet' asked the rabbit. a motorbike helmet appeared in his hands.
the bear makes his second wish. 'I'd like to be the only male bear in the whole country.'All the other males bears in the country vanished.
'I'd like a fast motorbike'.said the rabbit. a fast motorbike appeared in front of him.
'ok...for my last wish I want to be the only male bear in the whole world' said the bear smugly.he got his wish.
the rabbit jumped on the motorbike, put on the helmet and started the bike up. Just before he rode off, he said 'for my last wish, I want all the bears in the world to be gay'.
'hey,do ya think its one of them there magic ones?'asked the bear
'give it a rub and see' the rabbit told him.
so the bear rubbed the lantern, and with a flash bang, a Genie appeared.
'Thank you for freeing me from the lantern where I have been trapped for a thousand years...I must show my gratitude by granting you 3 wishes each'.the Genie proclaimed.
the bear went first. 'hmm...for my first wish, I want to be the only male Bear in the woods'. his wish was granted.
'I'd like a motorbike helmet' asked the rabbit. a motorbike helmet appeared in his hands.
the bear makes his second wish. 'I'd like to be the only male bear in the whole country.'All the other males bears in the country vanished.
'I'd like a fast motorbike'.said the rabbit. a fast motorbike appeared in front of him.
'ok...for my last wish I want to be the only male bear in the whole world' said the bear smugly.he got his wish.
the rabbit jumped on the motorbike, put on the helmet and started the bike up. Just before he rode off, he said 'for my last wish, I want all the bears in the world to be gay'.
And you thought I was dead.