How do you face your children

[Carol Ann]

Well I will let it all out My wife busted me a year or so ago and has been very supportive but I really think she is uncomformable with it. We have been to Tri-ess meeting but with all the questions and anwser I really just don't know. Now she will let me dress all I want but will not let me go out , only out of town to meetings . Oh people I don't know what to say or do I have a very supportive wife but who lays down the law on what I can do and what I can not do. Guess I am lucky as I can dress all I want but I know she just does not understand. Feeling sorry for myself, Carol Ann

[Cyndee]

Carol Ann

You are in part a fortunate one as there is some acceptance. For me it never worked out and my SO's repulsion was the order of the day.

Cant help yu with how to negotiate more time for your self to be Carol Ann as I never even reached that point with my SO.

But I empathize with you that if you have been out in public before and can no longer do that becasue of the "laws" set down by your wife I think you are in for some frustrating times and mental anquish ahead.

Only you and your SO can work these probs out.
and you may have to lower your expectations.

Cyndee

[Beauty]

Hey there Carol Ann,

A CD IM'd me the other day. She'd recently gotten divorced because her wife found out about her CD'ing. She left him because she couldn't take there being another woman in his life. This is not the first time I've heard of this happening, but it kind of shows how fortunate you are, even if your wife isn't giving you the green light yet, you don't have a red light either.

I feel things are going well with you. A year ago you were in hiding? Now you can dress at home. Now your wife okay's the trips en femme outside of town. Progress . . .

Personally I think it's a good idea that you or anyone just coming out to their SO takes things slowly. Not only because your wife will need time to ease into this, but because this will allow you to get to know yourself as a Transgendered being.

You've probably seen this too, CD's who have been accepted by their wives forget they are married and think only about themselves. It's hard not to because CD'ing is something most of us have repressed the majority of our lives. When we find someone who accepts us it's not hard to understand why some forget about everything else other than their own freedom and don't look back until it's too late to save the marriage.

God blesses us in many ways. You have an accepting wife. From your description she's putting the brakes on, but something tells me this is a blessing for you. I think there's progression you're seeing.

Most of the SO's here have gone from non-accepting to a slow understanding. From your description it seems your wife is a heaven send.

Best of fortune!!!!!

Beauty

[Cyndee]

Beauty

Such a very well stated response to Carol Ann. I dont have statistics but I believe its a rare spouse that will accept CD and those that may initially accept may only tolerate so much.

Cyndee

[Alexandra]

Cyndee,

I don't have facts either, but based on posts in this forum since it first started, I'm inclined to believe that most SOs are disturbed mostly by the fact that hit was hidden from them -- this would sort of taint any "positive" views on TGism or CDing they might have held had one disclosed things from the start.

But as Beauty alluded to, there ARE going to be SOs that aren't going to be able to cope period. I'm betting they are not that large of a group. Besides, there are may be other factors behind the breakup that has nothing to do with CD or TG that may skew the way things appear to be.

[RikkiOfLA]

I think it's a little dangerous to generalize about how much "most" SOs are accepting or not.

If a CD reads that most SOs are more accepting than his, he's apt to feel bad and think there is something wrong with him. Maybe he will begin to give up on their relationship.

If a CD reads that most SOs are less accepting than his, he's apt to feel that he is *all that* and get over-confident. He might look down on others.

[RikkiOfLA]

Dear Cyndee,

You and I have talked (in person even) about your wife and her feelings. I can begin to imagine how incredibly lonely you feel, caught in between your CD urges that will not go away, and her absolute revulsion and disgust and rejection.

My heart goes out to you, girl.

As I've told you, if there is anything Nancy (my wife) and I can do to help, we'll do it. But alas, there doesn't seem to be much, except pray. We're doing it, and will continue to.

[Beauty]

Hi Cyndeee,

Thanks for the complment on my response to Carolynn.

I used to believe accepting wives were the minority, but I'm not sure anymore. I still believe accepting wives may be less, but I think the amount of them is higher among those who were honest upfront vs. those who told them later into the marriage.

Of course have no data. I'm only basing this one what I've seen on boards.

Thanks again!
Beauty

[Cyndee]

Beauty, Rikki, et al


I think in these matters since there is no survey to determine accurately those SO's who really are accepting, tolerant but not completely accepting, or completely intolerant and repulsed we only have what we read here and there and of course our direct experience in the matter.

In the absence of a good survey of course I can very much swayed by the response of my SO. Each situation will clearly differ and be independent of any other.

Since an SO often has extensive time, effort and love and caring in a relationship one can see why some may accept to a degree.

On the other hand, another interesting question is what would be the acceptance rate of women with men when told upfront of ones CD background and desires. In this case the woman unlike in a marriage has made little investment in the relationship.

Or put another way. How would an accepting spouse answer to the question "If a man had told you early in dating you that he ws a CD would you continue the relationship and or think you may like to marry such a person?

I dont try here to make any value judgements but in the absence of any solid survey these are questions of interest.

However, because each situation is so different the answer to these questions has no actual bearing on one's particular situation.

In other words surveys are nice but it may not ever fit you.

Cyndee

[Beauty]

Hi Cyndee,

All good points.

It's so great though, that we can talk about them here.

Thanks for responding!!

Beauty