THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 ** LOCKED **

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:35 am

Oh my,
had to look up the word proctologist since I didn't want to say that I didn;t understand the joke or make an backside of myself.

luv.
e

Carol B · Post by **Carol B** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 8:35 pm

A man goes to a doctor with an embarrasing problem. After some discussion the man finally reveals that his penis is turning orange.

After a full physical the doctor asks a few questions because there seemed to be no physical reason for this condition.

"Well," the doctor starts... "This can be caused by stress. How are things at your job?" He replies, "I just got laid off." The doctor says "See there's a source of stress." "No." the man replies" My job sucked. I hated it. I'm so much more relaxed now that its over."

"Okay." The doctor continues. "How about your home life?" Whereas he replies "I just got divorced." "Ah-ha!" exclaimes the doctor. "That can be stressful." "No." He replies. "My wife and I had been fighting for years. I couldn't wait for that part of my life to finish."

So the doctor asks. "So what are you doing now that you have no job and no marriage?"

"Nothing much, I just sit around eating Cheeze Doodles and watching porn."

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 10:35 pm

Eva wrote: had to look up the word proctologist since I didn't want to say that I didn;t understand the joke or make an backside of myself.

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 10:37 pm

Carol B wrote:"Nothing much, I just sit around eating Cheeze Doodles and watching porn."

Ugggg, LOL

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 3:05 am

Christmas Gift

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike." the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep", the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it.”

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you have there. Sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”

(Nothing personal if anyone here should happen to be a cop!)

Jeannie · Post by **Jeannie** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 5:41 pm

Last time I was in bed with my X I said "honey,I hate to admit this but after all our years together I never can tell when you have your big O" She replied "That's because you're never there!" "OUCH"!

Love
Jeannie

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 11:28 pm

A Woman's Poem

He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

My biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked him...

Like his Mother used to do.

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 12:53 pm

A man's wife has an artificial leg. Shortly before Christmas, he buys her a new prosthetic and hides it in the closet. Unfortunately, she finds it and confronts him with the artificial limb. "This wouldn't, by any chance, be my Christmas present, would it?" she asks.

"No, of course not." responds her husband. "It's just a stocking stuffer."

Curly(SO) · Post by **Curly(SO)** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 4:06 pm

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?.....

Because they taste funny.

Jeannie · Post by **Jeannie** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 6:20 pm

Two cannibals capture a missionary and cook him. The first cannibal starts at the head and the second starts at his feet. The first cannibal says "How you doing?" The second replies "I'm having a ball!" The first says"Slow down! Your eating too fast!"

Love
Jeannie

KathyB · Post by **KathyB** » Thu Dec 15, 2005 8:46 pm

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere and the skin beneath his feet became quite thick and hard. He was an extremely spiritual person. Even when not fasting, he didn't eat much and became thin and frail. Due to his poor diet, he had chronic bad breath. With all his problems, he came to be known as . . . a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
:sorry:

Jeannie · Post by **Jeannie** » Thu Dec 15, 2005 8:58 pm

Do you the differance between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub? HINT... A woman in church has hope in her soul.

Love
Jeannie

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 10:45 am

For Christmas

What do Reindeer have that no other animal on earth has?

Baby Reindeer, of course!!

Sally · Post by **Sally** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 10:01 pm

I will seek and find you

I shall take you to bed and do as I please with you..

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to leave you alone..

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm
finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you'll be weak for days.

Till we meet again, All my love,

*The Flu*

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

Jeannie · Post by **Jeannie** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 4:46 pm

A funeral is taking place in the dead of winter. As the pallbearers are carrying the casket out of the church, one slips and the casket goes flying down the steps. It slides across the street,across the green, breaks through a picket fence and heads for a drive-thru Pharmacy. The Pharmicist say "Can I help you?" As it passes the drive-up window the stiff pops up and says"Yeah! Do you have anything that will stop this coffin?"

Love
Jeannie

Crossdressers-Haven.com

THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 LOCKED

A Woman's Poem

the bad jokes thread