What's the Worst that can Happen?

[Emily]

It sounds as though is you don't forsee yourself ever being happy to live together. You said to her you can't make the promise that you will live together, which is wholly different.

Absolutely 100% correct. To be completely honest, I don't foresee ever wanting to live together. And its not just with her... even with my last gf. She had given me an ultimatum.. either we move in, get married or break up. I told her that I don't want to get married. This is before I was even really into dressing...

As it stands currently, maybe I just need to make myself more clear? I suppose I just need to be completely frank, upfront and honest in terms of where we see ourselves in the future. If I truly want the best for her, then I shouldn't keep her hanging on to something that will likely never happen... I know how important it is to her and I know how important it is to me. Nicole had mentioned that we may be better off as friends... I believe that too. I don't want to loose her completely, but I do want to continue doing all that I can for her. I think I could be a better friend to her than a partner.

[Nicole Rose]

Hiya Emma, how are you , hope things are getting better. Sometimes being great friends is better than having a relationship that is full of ?s. I know you love your gf and she loves you, so its only the two of you who can work this out. My past relationships I kept as just friends, as I was afraid to lose the woman I dated as friends, as I knew my cdrsing and going further wasn't going to work. unless your really lucky to find an accepting partner, some of us ,including MYSELF, are destined to live our lives the best we can , heck I don't mind being single, espeacially with all the support today, internet has made a big difference. We are all diff. though, so follow your heart, your an amazing woman Emma, so I just hope the best for both of you no matter the outcome,hugs nicole

[Emily]

Thank you, Nicole!

Doing good here. And I couldn't agree with you more that being friends can sometimes be the best. Thank you for sharing your thoughts - I can certainly relate and understand. I am just going to have to really think things through... When I have the talk, I am going to ask her to listen as a friend and not as a girlfriend. I know that I'll need to take a different approach this time... and whatever happens will happen. At least then, she can make her decision. I think that I will have to read and reread the Manual of Love thread a couple more times though - really try to figure out the best way to tell her. In other words, what to do and what not to do.

[Nicole Rose]

Hi Emma, ty for being so kind!! all I'm going to sayis when or if you have your long chat with your long time gf, just be honest on how you truly feel, and only you know that Emma. If you feel you can't hide your cdrsing anymore, even in the closet, but need to dress at home , you need to be honest with her, are you better off being unhappy together, or happy being friends and being who you are inside, its a tough situation you are in , and I only wish you the best, its hard since you both have been together for so long, take your time , and I hope everything works out Emma. This is something only the both of you can figure out, and we are here for you Emma. Who said cdrsing and feeling fem was easy, you are not alone gf!!!

[DonnaT]

I think the right thing to do is simply break up with her.

Thus, there is no reason to even bring up the CDing, unless she needs a reason other than you don't ever see y'all living together; and she will now be free to look for someone that will possibly make a commitment to her.

Currently, it's not fair to her to keep her in limbo, and it's not fair to yourself being in continued worry about being able to dress.

[Emily]

Nicole and Donna - thank you both.

I think I have a very clear idea now of what I need to do. I will have a long talk with her... and while I don't think I'll bring it up immediately, I'll see how the conversation goes. If the questions are asked, or if I feel that its something I can open up to her about, then I will. I just hope she will be able to listen to me as a friend rather than a partner.

Who said cdrsing and feeling fem was easy, you are not alone gf!!!

No, not always easy, Nicole! We can't help who we are but its comforting to know that we all have each other!

[Nicole Rose]

Totally agree Emma, our lives would be so much less complicated if we weren't cdrsers, having both personnas can be challenging, but as cdrsing never goes away, even if you wanted it to, its always with us. I accepted my dressing 25 years ago, and have never been happier. My life would be only 50% complete without my fem side, and oh so BORING lol!!!! Take your time Emma, no need to rush things now after all this time. so glad we have the haven for support , really nice having friends here, and you are one of the best Emma!!!!! Nicole!

[Anthony Simon]

I agree with Donna. Keep it simple. Just tell her you can't be a committed partner at the top.

[Emily]

Thank you, Anthony and Nicole.

The SO and I spoke a bit last night about her potential job prospects... she might even need to move anyways. She said that she is not into long-distant relationships, I told her I wasn't willing to move... so I think there might kind of be an understanding right there.

our lives would be so much less complicated if we weren't cdrsers

Thanks again for your kind words, Nicole! And I agree that yes, our lives would be far less complicated... I wouldn't want to change it. I love this part of me... it feels like its been suppressed and restricted to the confines of my four walls. It just feel like I need to change that.

[Nicole Rose]

So true Emma, it is hard to keep all of our fem side bottled up all the time. Glad you talked with your gf the other night, communication is no1. And yes, we are here for support Emma always, you are so supporting yourself, we really do have a great group of women here, and of all stages of dressing, from starting cdrsers to post op tg, I agree with you, the haven has been a wonderful place, wouldn't have met you here without the haven!!!! You go girl, behind you Emma!!!! ,nicole

[Martina Hall]

That's why we're here, Emma, we have all been through 'issues' with SO.

[Emily]

Thank you, Martina - so happy to have found this Haven to talk about these things. It helps.

You go girl, behind you Emma!!!!

Thank you, Nicole!

[Eileen (SO)]

After 14 years and you live separately? This isn't a relationship, more like friends with benefits. Not many women would put up with that for long.

Eileen

[Emily]

I agree that it doesn't fit into what most consider to be a conventional type of relationship, but it is what it is and for the most part, it works, though there really aren't many "benefits" to speak of.

I know that most women wouldn't put up with this... even my SO had said that if we didn't have a place together after 10 years, then we were done. She said the same at 12. We are going on 15 years now, though I have a feeling that this time, we won't quite make it.

[Stephanie M]

The SO and I spoke a bit last night about her potential job prospects... she might even need to move anyways. She said that she is not into long-distant relationships, I told her I wasn't willing to move... so I think there might kind of be an understanding right there.

our lives would be so much less complicated if we weren't cdrsers

Maybe this problem takes care of itself then. I honestly do hope that both you and her can find happiness in both your lives whether it's together or apart.

Yeah how much less complicated our lives would be indeed. However if it wasn't this we'd probably have other things in our lives instead that also complicates things.