The Slow Fade Picks Up Speed

[Absaroka]

I'm glad it went well. The reaction you got suggests this wasn't the first time any of these people had made these changes to someones license.

In regards to no surgery or hormones, it should be remembered that people have been changing their gender, or sex, or whatever, since time immemorial, but have only used surgery and hormones since they became available in the very recent past. I would think that the rather decisive act of surgery made folks in authority, which includes doctors and those who regulate doctors, think about all of this more and feel the need to give official weight to the process. But it's been done for a very long time, and assuming a different gender identity without surgery is not only following a historical tradition, but probably still more common than is generally known.

Zari

[Leeza]

Kimberly wrote

She took me over to get my photo done and while it isn't my favorite portrait I don't think you're supposed to actually like your driver's license photo.

I have been told there is only one drivers lic photo that a person is proud of and that is the first one. After that they are not flattering at all. In a way you can look at this one as your first.

Leeza

[Kimberly Kael]

Things keep plodding along, marked primarily by how unremarkable it all is. My passport application shows as being in the final stages of being processed, I'm enjoying using a credit card in my new name, and my amended birth certificates have arrived. I am entertained about the rewriting of history the latter entails but it's all good.

There was a brief moment of panic a few weeks back when it turned out I needed to take an unplanned trip for business. I certainly didn't mind going but when it came time to book the tickets things got complicated. To comply with company policy I need to book all travel through our work travel portal - but since my records at work haven't been updated any tickets they booked would be under my prior name, and I no longer have any identification that matches. Ooops. Luckily Human Resources was happy to smooth things over and get an exemption to allow me to book my own travel. Phew!

Now I'm back and am continuing to follow my schedule. That means coming out to the team I work most closely with this week. So far, so good! The dominant questions tend to be variations on a handful of themes: How did you pick your name? Aren't you married? Is there anything I can do to help? The latter seems like a peculiar question but it's no less welcome. Everyone seems committed to making the process as smooth as possible.

Next week I send out mail broadly and the biggest challenge there is compiling the list of everyone I need to include! it's hard to believe how many people I've corresponded with inside the company in the past year and then there's all the ones I see routinely in meetings but don't necessarily write to. Oy. I'll also be renaming my Facebook account but am debating whether to maintain two identities on the likes of LinkedIn for professional networking. Is there established etiquette here I should be aware of? Advice from anyone with practical experience?

It's all coming fast and furious now and I can't wait for the New Year to arrive.

[Kimberly Kael]

That's it. I'm officially and irrevocably outed!

The clock is still ticking when it comes to living my life full time as a woman, but with less than a month left the time was right to let everyone at work know where I will be heading. Sending mail to the entire company is neither necessary nor practical so I'd drawn up a list of about two hundred I see with some regularity. The message itself had already gone through numerous editing and polishing stages to include the essential concrete information, my personal touch, a little light humor, an open invitation to talk about my transition, and some online resources for the curious. All that remained was to bring addresses and text together and send it out.

I've never hovered over the "send" button for so long in my life. I let the implications of the step I was about to take wash over me until a smile emerged. I am doing this for myself, after all, in taking control of my life and choosing to live it in the manner that feels natural I'm both giving and accepting a gift I wouldn't have believed possible only a few short years ago. One brief mouse click, and the wheels were in motion.

Support has been pouring in ever since, and while it's no guarantee that the road ahead will be an easy one, it is heartwarming to know that there are so many people who seem genuinely committed to helping me succeed.

[Anita]

What a great post! Thanks for the inspiration, Kimberly, as you go through this.

[Virginia]

Kimberly,

I hope you know how proud we are of you. The "weaker sex?" You know indeed if we are "the third sex," you could certainly serve as our poster child!

I have to admit that I am so happy for you yet for you to progress to where you are without SRS or hormone therapy -- the mind boggles!

I think it would be in everyone's best interest for those with "our gift," that you seriously consider writing a "How To" book on your experience. I know little about how to proceed with that but you have achieved a milestone that I would venture to say that few if anyone else has ever accomplished. I am sure that there are a lot of your sisters who would love to know the in's and out's of how you proceeded from step one to your current level of acceptance. It is an absolutely amazing journey, your own Magical Mystery Tour!

Gawd! I am so jealous!

Love you and again congratulations. I feel so fortunate to, if you don't mind my saying, "have you in my life!"

Virginia

[DonnaT]

Very cool, Kimberly. Hope all goes well.

[Absaroka]

Kimberly I'm glad to hear how well things are going. Also to hear how supportive so many people at work have been.

This must be incredibly stressful, even if it's stressful in the way that good things that entail change are stressful.

Don't enjoy the new charge card too often......

Zari

[Kimberly Kael]

I think it would be in everyone's best interest for those with "our gift," that you seriously consider writing a "How To" book on your experience.

You're very sweet, Virginia. Mind if I blush for a while?

I'm not sure how well my experience applies to anyone else's situation so I'd never suggest that this is how anyone else should go about it. I do appreciate the suggestion, though, and perhaps once enough time goes by that I have some perspective I'll consider writing something about my own experience. I certainly have tons of raw notes, blog posts and the like to remind me of how I've felt along the way.

I have to admit that I am so happy for you yet for you to progress to where you are without SRS or hormone therapy -- the mind boggles!

Keep in mind that basically every single transsexual who has followed by Harry Benjamin Standards of Care has lived publicly in their desired gender for a year or more before being considered for SRS, so that's hardly rare. And of course there are many who are comfortable living their lives without SRS altogether. The hormone-free approach does seem to be rather less common, though.

I think ultimately what it comes down to is that I refuse to accept that what separated me from my life as a woman was a laundry list of medical procedures. I learned to accept myself as a woman with a dubious set of genetic challenges (but then I suspect every woman on the planet would say the same thing.) Rather than thinking of things I had to do I looked at the things I could do and weighed what was important to me, and in my case the only thing I felt I had to do pre-transition was facial hair removal.

I'm a work in progress, just like everyone else on the planet. There is no "ultimate goal" that I have to meet to feel like I can be me.

I know there were a lot of factors working in my favor. I grew up with a very liberal mindset and never felt the need to be ultra-masculine. I live in a remarkably accepting part of the world. I've always cultivated open-minded friends and their acceptance has been invaluable. I find myself in a career that values ideas over appearance. And of course I married an incredible woman who has been willing to go through a lot to help me pursue my own happiness. I know I can take at least some credit because to some extent you do make your own luck, but even so I've been very fortunate.

Love you and again congratulations. I feel so fortunate to, if you don't mind my saying, "have you in my life!"

Likewise! This has been a wonderful home away from home and a great place to find my balance. Thank you for being your wonderful supportive self, Virginia. It means a great deal to me.

[Kimberly Kael]

Today my wife and I did some serious closet cleaning. Only days away from my official transition to living full-time as a woman, and with some time on our hands thanks to the holidays, it seemed like the obvious thing to do. So we now have stacks and stacks of clothes that we'll donate to enable someone else to make good use of them.

I'm not focused on erasing my history, and so I hung on to a number of keepsake items that represent significant accomplishments in my life or shared experiences with my wife. I also kept a handful of "emergency" clothing in case I need to travel to somewhere that I believe wouldn't be safe as a transgendered woman.

... but I've also opened a dangerous amount of closet space! Must. Behave. Myself. I suspect that with each new season I will build back up, but I really do intend to do so slowly and with deliberation from here on out.

[Susan]

Kimberly

Thank you for your mini blog, I am sure I am not the only one who has found it interesting.

May I wish you all the very best for your new life starting so soon.

My prayers go with you.

HUGS

[Kimberly Kael]

Today brought another milestone in my life's story. This was the first time I've appeared at work as a woman, and as such it marks the last major step in my social transition. I guess it would be reasonable to assume that it must feel like a huge momentous occasion but honestly it just felt entirely natural. I guess it's like a lot of things I've worried about in the past; I wasted so much time and energy being concerned about the possible negative impacts of a decision that I put it off over and over, and when the time came it turned out to be a pretty minor deal where anyone else was concerned. And I can breathe ever so much easier.

Of course that's not entirely fair here, because the family side of things is much more complex and it's far too early to say with any certainty how this will affect my career, but the world didn't come to an end when I showed up and settled down to work. I couldn't have told you what I expected in terms of reactions, but what I got was a lot of friendly, curious people who were more than happy to chat about work, their holidays, or whatever else seemed relevant. Nobody fell down laughing, and if they were pointing and whispering they were doing it well out of earshot.

The only disruptions in an otherwise smooth day came from any number of corporate systems that don't deal well with an identity change of this magnitude. My wireless networking required some manual tweaking to get a new security certificate, and a few other systems are still being cranky but it's just a matter of working through the kinks. They still make me smile as a reminder of the change they reflect.

[Virginia]

I am ssssoooooooo happy for you. Like a lot of our concerns that we have we have anticipation that turns out to be, well, virtually, a non-event!

When some of our sisters want to go out among the "great unwashed" but are afraid, your story and others may just push them over the edge so to speak, usually it is a non-event.

SOAPBOX TIME: For those who do read Kimberly's journey and even if you just want the "thrill" or you have this insatiable desire to go out in public as the woman you feel you are. Just remember each time, you are a walking, talking and sharing ambassador for thousands of your sisters who have not reached where you may be in your own "Magical Mystery Tour."

I do have one question for you Kimberly and it may be a minor thing but actually it is, "well, inquiring minds want to know."

What did you wear on your first day back to work?

Proud of you, hon!!!

Love,

Virginia

[Susan]

Kimberly

I hope your first day in work as K went well, I suspect you had a few curiosity seekers but more importantly how have your colleagues adapted?

my very best wishes

[DonnaT]

I couldn't have told you what I expected in terms of reactions, but what I got was a lot of friendly, curious people who were more than happy to chat about work, their holidays, or whatever else seemed relevant.

That's great, Kimberly. Congratulations.