Insight into my femininity.

[Anne Bonny]

I am not a 100% overbearing, aggressive, alpha male who feels he must assert dominance and who is insensitive at times in the process....well I have never wanted to be that way, I am not that way, I am a step back from that because it is just not me and I do not agree or like that sort of behavior and disagree with it as a male (is that because I am partly feminine and such boorish behavior makes me a little angry?). I suppose I am or was until I retired, an Officer and I believe I have always been a gentleman. I am a more moderate male. Does not mean I am not a strong dependable man capable of being leaned on if desired on occasion or that I lack confidence in myself because I don't - no I am very confident in myself as a matter of fact, but I thoroughly enjoy a competent, intelligent and independent woman as a partner who loves me and who also has my back. I can also take the lead In my marriage seems she desired this of me most all the time...ugh! ...so I did, I mean...it gets old and sometimes I wish the woman would lead sometimes anyway. In my marriage I respected my lovely wife and wanted no other, she was my equal partner in life. And I am caring for her to the last my commitment is and has always been to the last breath. I also find that extremely attractive and love the security that affords because I also have a need to feel secure, that there is another person there for me. A strong, intelligent, confident and loving woman only makes me feel more secure if her attention and love are focused on me. Wow...yep, that feeling sent my attachment to her and my love for her soaring she was everything to me and as she has been gradually leaving me...well quite a loss.

You see, I think this reveals the blend in my fluid gender...in that I need and want security and I actually want a woman to take over sometimes...why should I mind her doing that? I believe this gets into my mind and reveals the feminine part of who I am. I want these things. Not all the time but I believe marriage is a balance and it sure is nice to have a partner who far from sitting there like a potato forcing me to bear the brunt of everything, is perfectly willing to pick up the load and carry if forward too.

[AmandaD]

I can relate with you on so many levels and while I struggle with my lady side, I learn more and more how fickle we ladies can be.. male or female our needs and desires are ever changing in our journey in life. I once thought my ex was strong, supportive and understanding of me, but I was wrong. She was still seeking her own identity and I was just another purse tossed to Goodwill.

As for me right now I'm not concerned about an intamate relationship but finding me. Once I do that then maybe the right partner will join me in my walk in life.

[Noeleena]

Hi, Amanda,

Oh dear , Hmmm.....

How fickle ,??? who can be , ( we ladies can be ) Sorry does not apply in my case ,or did in my Mothers , we both were / are very strong and had to be to get through what we went through and just to live ,

Mom was one of those women who needed the strength and this came up 68 years ago had she not then I would not be here to day and writing this and I would not have spent 24 years with my Mom, she passed on to me some very infalluible qualitys that I was to need later in life , and I took on a role of being strong in body and mind, stubbon pig headed and , yes I will say yes to that , there were times I needed to be that way

I don't belive I would have got to where I am now had I not, so you have to take that as it is ,

Fickle oh dear,e me just no way ever , I,m just having a giggle about that what a laugh. if you knew me youd know why , you,d soon get it I'm no push over just a very strong minded woman , yet this is only a very miner part of who I am as a person theres lots of other lovely detail and aspects about myself that makes this kid who she is .

some times I know I don't portray myself as a just a soft feminine woman and its even harder trying to write about myself put this kid in front of you and I,ll talk and its not just those words I,ll say its my whole body in motion that's the difference , and youd see another lovely side of myself before you ,

Theres another side to us of cause females I'm glad we did not all come or turn out the same way , we all are just so different , I know how I was tared and fethered and Mom so so different to me in so much yet there are some lovely sides to her I have , yea.......she was so lovely I'm glad I had her as my Mom she was so neat ......

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

Right. I am sort of all over the map too. I can be quite strong when called upon, especially when the masculine side of my gender is there. But I have never been an abrasive overbearing dominating aggressive male as I said above not only do I step back from that, I do not like men who are like that, I disagree with that kind of super testosterone driven behavior it makes me angry. Being moderate and strong I can be a velvet glove lined with steel. My flip side when my feminine gender is there I want the security and reassurance of a strong, intelligent and confident partner who loves me and who has my back. I am able to provide the same for my partner when needed but I do need that.

We do have to think all of this through for ourselves, it is very important that we know who we are because then comes confidence etc...

My Mom and Dad were there years ago and other key members of the family for advice, etc. With my parents and the other key member gone from this world and my wife soon to follow I miss the advice and reassurance.

[Noeleena]

Hi,

I know and well aware women like and love having a strong male by there side , and I'm sure many men would like having a man as well to talk to or with and be friends , I know my foreman and his mate were good mates and worked together for many years and I was for a year part of their work mates and burt was a lovely gentel man was rather sweet , and fred was a lovely man I'm glad I had them as work mates so I have had good men around me .

Because I had to grow up quick and take on responcibitys from with in family well Mom and I then her Mom and dad who lived with us for about 7 years so in many ways there was no man about the house grandad did what he could just he had to look after gran because she was bedridden arthritis major, so you cant say our home life was normal as such .

yet that was okay for myself as well ,

To explain this part I,ll use my friend from over sea,s as you know any way , Amander and I get on well as friends and that's it though I have bailed her out with money to pay for things no big deal, I don't mind , yet 6 weeks is enough time for me to stay with her,

I'm very independent get up and go and do things so to have a male around me longer than that I,ll start climbing the wall real quick or walk out the door , I don't know what word youd use to describe this woman a bloody tough nut you know what I mean.

I don't mind working with or around men ...just in the same house ....OH NO...I mean I,ll do things for them help them out advice and yea no prob,s ,

And even when I write or talk about this my hackels are coming up and I wont to smash the wall out just to get away , sorry best I can do ,

It wont work though I,ll try ... when I see women with men I think oh no cant be , ya mad ya mad ya are . yea just me in a silly mode .....gota laugh . I think the button for me was disconnected years ago and no way of rewiring ,

What I do see was in Jos = Jocelyn she needed a male figure around her a ...real... man and yes there were expections and we talked about that and she hated when I was not in male clothes yet she also knew what I was I understand where Jos came from I know my self and being a female that's wired into us, I cant not say its part of what makes us who we are , sorry guys it still does not say I understand men .

Anne

, I know you said some time ago you were talking about a woman being strong and would be lovely having the woman take over and releave you ( who ever ) of some dutys with in the marirage instead of you the male having to be incharge all the time this applys to other men as well I have read from others on this as well ,

Now this is not all the time just some times because one has had enough of responcibilty for how ever long never happed for myself I did try with Jos never worked and Jos did not wont it so that was that . oh well that's life ,

Okay try this one .......The Iron Hand Maiden........Hmmm .....I wonder who the Boss would be man or mouse as he flee,s for his life .....

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

Some further thoughts...so I am not an abrasive overbearing aggressive, alpha male who feels he must assert dominance and who is insensitive at times. I do step back from that, I do disagree with men who are like that, they do make me angry.

I do feel I am different or do not fit in with other men at times not that all men are testosterone infused brutes, some are but most I believe are more moderate as I am, but I do feel I do not quite fit and am a bit ill at ease in the presence of other men at times because of these differences. Do not hunt or fish, not that into nor do I care that much for the typical sports as if winning or losing are life and death....

I am also more sensitive and caring and emotional...and I believe this is because my gender is not fully masculine but not fully feminine but a blend of both. The differences I am underlining here are always there which is why I believe my gender is nonbinary, a kind of a blend. I can be very like or fall within the acceptable range with normal men, and sometimes I can fall very close to what would be considered fairly feminine because of all of these touchy feely fixed aspects of my personality. Of course many would state you are just stupid there is nothing here that falls into the feminine range of gender because men feel all of these things normally, and so do women. Gender is very very difficult to nail down so that it can be said AH! That is feminine...or AH! that is masculine.

I have seen online recently there are PET scans revealing proof that transgender males and females brains are very close tho the brains of those opposite of their sex. So if there were any doubt there is now proof that we are not crazy...our brains verify what we already know...I am a man but my brain is close to that of a woman's and for trans women vice versa most likely were my brain to be scanned. I am who I am but it will be absolutely wonderful to someday have all of this absolutely verified independently by science so that those who want to refuse to believe would have no alternative but to admit transgender brains really exist...not we are not play acting or perverted we are this way because this is who we are. I know that I have always been this way... I am who I am. So the deniers can just stuff it and leave us alone.

I would share this on Facebook but then people would be thinking...hum...why were you looking where you could come across this? Wish I could because it does verify we are not crazy science is beginning to verify we are born this way!

https://youtu.be/CsbtQ2-kUwA" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

You know the really cool thing is when my mind set is right and it is right more and more for me when I think, I think I will wear a dress...and it becomes just a matter of fact in that I am a girl..or obligitory acknowledgement "gurl" ...gurls wear dresses...

I revel in knowing as I lay in bed I have always been this way, my entire life...my gender does have differences as noted above that have always been that way...oh and here is scientific verification...I am who I am! verified 3 times over I know who I am, I am comfortable with who I am, AND who cares if people think He's a girl or gurl, or is a sissy, or is effeminate, or she's/he's feminine. Are women offended in the least to be women or with people thinking ooh! they're women...koodies!!! ooh!!! Certainly not! I think this is key to carrying myself out anywhere to everybody wearing dresses and everything whatever I desire I am not ashamed of who I am, who I am is a matter of fact that I simply cannot change, I was born this way. That brings the absolute rock solid confidence and conviction there is not even an ounce and cannot be at all of insecurity over who I am as a gurl or guy as a person...period. I have pride and I am proud of who I am...this is who I am! Hello World!!

You know...I do like wearing dresses simply because they are cool, comfortable and pretty and because sometimes I simply want to, but I also put on guy clothes, or wear slacks or shorts...a dress is just a clothing option for me as it is for anyone who has a feminine or nonbinary gender. It's not part of a sex crazed perverse urge...it is because these options are options that are acceptable and open to me and fit in with my gender and how I feel inside especially when my feminine gender is elevated or on that side or whatever it does. Sometimes it's not so I am a guy, mow the lawn and doing guy things so my inner guy self leads me to make choices that simply fit and feel fine as at the moment wearing this dress and my mary janes feel just fine and absolutely appropriate and completely natural and is a completely valid choice for me to wear today. Yea!!!