Judith - these revelations have clearly been very unsettling for you, and it is going to take a while before you and your husband can resolve them. Seeing a therapist would really help you – I think you need to talk about this with someone outside the situation.
I’m going to suggest that you would benefit from some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.
These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.
If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted, the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.
Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.
Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.
Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.
Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthin ... s/cbt.aspx" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbtstep1.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Also, there is a book called ”Feeling good - the new mood therapy” by Dr. David Burns. It has a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and further instructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also pretty good.
As someone else has said, take it all VERY slowly, and please try not to blame or seek revenge.
I can fully understand you concerns about your children, but frankly, your suggestion that
“I can’t see where you fellows will ever gain widespread acceptance because you’re being held back by those men who choose to commit despicable crimes against women and children” and the implication that cross dressers are responsible for much of that harm is very wide of the mark.
Studies at the London Tavistock Forensic Psychiatry Clinic indicate that
“• • Heterosexual men and men who were not transvestites were significantly more likely to be perpetrators than homosexual men and transvestites. The researchers found no significant associations between status as a child molester and voyeurism, fetishism, obscene phone calls or similar acts.”.
It might help you to have a look at the website at
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/resource ... 87833.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Stay strong and stay open!
