This is an odd forum for male bashing. It might be time to point out that no matter what we wear most of us are in fact men, and that those of us who are transexual are just that- some of both.
Yes I think most men have pretty simple instincts at times. Also most of us do not act on them. And yes we have just as many feelings and complexities. They might be expressed somewhat differently but they are still there.
If you don't think men are complex, just look at all the strange things that happen to us emotionally when we do get all the sex we want..
And don't even get me started on fatherhood.
Absaroka
Has your sexual relationship been affected by you being a CD
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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GiniMacRae
- New Member
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- Joined: Tue May 29, 2007 12:19 pm
- Location: CA
Sex
Gini Macrae weighing in on the topic...
I have typically found that my CDing has had an increasing effect on my/our sex life over time in every intimate relationship I've ever been involved in!!!
It's probably due to the likelihood that I am MUCH MUCH closer to being TG than I am CD.
At this point in my life (53+ years) and marriage (17+ years), I simply do not enjoy the male role in love-making anymore.
I DO love my wife (also the Mother of our six-year-old daughter) and I enjoy being close to her, hugging, cuddling, kissing, etc., but I would be quite content to totally avoid sex.
I do enjoy "sex for one" as I can mentally take the woman's role and not have to deal with the pressure to perform in the male role. I do not enjoy having anyone else "pay attention" to my male anatomy.
Admittedly, it's a horrible position to be in! Especially when my wife HAS TOLD ME she considers my feminine expression "a choice," "a stronghold," not the way God wants me," and something that can be cured! (Too many visits to the Exodus International web site, I'm afraid. "F" you, Randall Wayne, if you know what I mean!)
What's the future? Don't know. All I know is I can't get there from where I currently am, no matter whether the goal is to improve my marriage or to explore transition!!!
Gini MacRae
www.ginimacrae.com
I have typically found that my CDing has had an increasing effect on my/our sex life over time in every intimate relationship I've ever been involved in!!!
It's probably due to the likelihood that I am MUCH MUCH closer to being TG than I am CD.
At this point in my life (53+ years) and marriage (17+ years), I simply do not enjoy the male role in love-making anymore.
I DO love my wife (also the Mother of our six-year-old daughter) and I enjoy being close to her, hugging, cuddling, kissing, etc., but I would be quite content to totally avoid sex.
I do enjoy "sex for one" as I can mentally take the woman's role and not have to deal with the pressure to perform in the male role. I do not enjoy having anyone else "pay attention" to my male anatomy.
Admittedly, it's a horrible position to be in! Especially when my wife HAS TOLD ME she considers my feminine expression "a choice," "a stronghold," not the way God wants me," and something that can be cured! (Too many visits to the Exodus International web site, I'm afraid. "F" you, Randall Wayne, if you know what I mean!)
What's the future? Don't know. All I know is I can't get there from where I currently am, no matter whether the goal is to improve my marriage or to explore transition!!!
Gini MacRae
www.ginimacrae.com
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Danielle La Belle
- Account Deactivated at Member's Request
- Posts: 994
- Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2003 9:49 am
- Location: SC
Hi Girls:
After reading Gini's entry I wanted to add a bit on myself here. In 2000, I explained to my spouse my TG situation for the first time. I carefully planned this day over many years of self examination. Since then, for one reason or another, we have not shared any intimate time together. Why? Because my spouse has not figured out that I am still hetrosexual as Gini points out about herself.
Why not tell my spouse? Because, after years of study on the subject, (marriage is legalized prostitution), I have decided that in our marriage sex was used as a control tool by my spouse. I have taken that control away at a cost. But, after looking back on it, it was the best thing that I ever did for myself. The only real thing at the time that I ever did for myself.
The vast majority of my time has been spent on the spouse's well being and my bi-polar son. One calm day I realized that my (Danielle Marie) persona was an expression of my inner self in true form. I was horrified at first! But, after reading and consideration beyond anything that I had applied before to myself, I realized that it was not so bad.
I have come full circle this year and will be 60 years old. Good grief! Do not ask about that!
So....I agree with Gini's position about sex in general. I can do without the coupling and the control that goes with it. There are far worse things believe me, so, this can just take a back seat to them. I prefer right now the incredible sense of self-worth and freedom that I now enjoy. I have not lived alone since I was in the womb! I am not sure I would know how to?
No woman is an island but in the same token, one must provide time for one's self to fully understand and consider the miracle of life in human form.
Hugs
Danielle Marie
After reading Gini's entry I wanted to add a bit on myself here. In 2000, I explained to my spouse my TG situation for the first time. I carefully planned this day over many years of self examination. Since then, for one reason or another, we have not shared any intimate time together. Why? Because my spouse has not figured out that I am still hetrosexual as Gini points out about herself.
Why not tell my spouse? Because, after years of study on the subject, (marriage is legalized prostitution), I have decided that in our marriage sex was used as a control tool by my spouse. I have taken that control away at a cost. But, after looking back on it, it was the best thing that I ever did for myself. The only real thing at the time that I ever did for myself.
The vast majority of my time has been spent on the spouse's well being and my bi-polar son. One calm day I realized that my (Danielle Marie) persona was an expression of my inner self in true form. I was horrified at first! But, after reading and consideration beyond anything that I had applied before to myself, I realized that it was not so bad.
I have come full circle this year and will be 60 years old. Good grief! Do not ask about that!
So....I agree with Gini's position about sex in general. I can do without the coupling and the control that goes with it. There are far worse things believe me, so, this can just take a back seat to them. I prefer right now the incredible sense of self-worth and freedom that I now enjoy. I have not lived alone since I was in the womb! I am not sure I would know how to?
No woman is an island but in the same token, one must provide time for one's self to fully understand and consider the miracle of life in human form.
Hugs
Danielle Marie
Make the most of every day!
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Well, I try to avoid this kind of thread because I've never been in the habit of publicly (or even privately) discussing my sex life--not even in college! And I'm not about to start now, at the age of 46. Having said this, Penni started a whopper of a thread here and I feel obliged to chime in, given some of the things that are said about men. Whether I like it or not, I do, in fact, belong to that particular species, so I have no problem in participating in this thread.
(And, Penni, I'll do my best to stick to the intent of your original post. But please forgive me if I stray on occasion.)
There are a few things (otherwise mentioned in the posts above) that I'll take for granted:
- Yes, generally speaking, men are more aggressive than women. To what extent this is due to physiology or to socialization (or to some likely mixture of the two), I just don't know. Hell! Nobody does, really. Not even the "scientific-study-mongers." We need to look into this further. As always, there are a gazillion exceptions to this "fact" (that men are more aggressive, that is). And, no, male crossdressers aren't necessarily, by definition, perennial examples of these exceptions. I know of too many relationships in which a husband or boyfriend, far from having been "softened" or "tamed" by his own crossdressing, has, in fact, become more aggressive and inconsiderate because of it. Those that find this hard to believe ought to chat with SO's more often. Yes, even "accepting" ones.
- Heterosexual women are, in the main, sexually attracted to heterosexual men. As a rule, heterosexual men will not exhibit behaviours meant to attract the sexual attention of other men. (Perhaps, for this reason, much of male crossdressing activities takes place in the privacy of the home or in the company of like-minded men who "understand" one another and do not seek each other out for purely sexual reasons.) Crossdressers that wish to be made love to as if they were women are, in effect, and by asking their SO's to take on a masculine role, "short-circuiting" the sexual component of their relationship with their SO's. Sad but true. However, and having said this, it does remain the case that the sexual playfulness born of a spirit of adventure and discovery between two spouses or partners will often include activities that have little to do with "typical" so-called masculine or so-called feminine roles. Imagination is the only limit. And this can include playful role reversal, by all means. The litmus test is simply this: are both parties obtaining sexual pleasure in the exploration? If not, discuss the situation with each other. Which brings me to my third point...
- Although I'll partially agree with Penni that spouses often don't like (or fear) talking about their sex life, I think it's more the case that they avoid talking about their sexual fantasies. It's one thing to inquire, "do you like it when I do this?" or "how does this feel?" but it's another story entirely when what you want to say is, "I've always wanted you to do this to (or with) me but I'm terrified you'll think I'm bizarre or perverted." I think it's this, particularly, that keeps closeted crossdressers in the closet. (I'm assuming, for the sake of this argument, that crossdressing is an activity with a strong sexual component for many, if not most, crossdressers.) If we rely on a Puritan or otherwise religious (or even quasi-religious) upbringing, then, of course, almost anything that isn't a straight, Saturday night missionary two-step between a man and a woman will be considered bizarre or perverted. This is a heavy yoke, this kind of uncritical regard for our own moral roots. Casting off that yoke is the first step towards the freedom to be who we are--and this includes the conscious choosing of our moral codes--as well as the freedom to explore all the possible shapes and forms our connections to the one we love can take. (By the way, the preceding applies, obviously, to everyone, regardless of anatomical sex, gender, or sexual orientation.)
Concerning the subject of this thread, I have only three words to say: Talk. Do. Be. But, especially, talk.
Love,
CJ
Well, I try to avoid this kind of thread because I've never been in the habit of publicly (or even privately) discussing my sex life--not even in college! And I'm not about to start now, at the age of 46. Having said this, Penni started a whopper of a thread here and I feel obliged to chime in, given some of the things that are said about men. Whether I like it or not, I do, in fact, belong to that particular species, so I have no problem in participating in this thread.
(And, Penni, I'll do my best to stick to the intent of your original post. But please forgive me if I stray on occasion.)
There are a few things (otherwise mentioned in the posts above) that I'll take for granted:
- Yes, generally speaking, men are more aggressive than women. To what extent this is due to physiology or to socialization (or to some likely mixture of the two), I just don't know. Hell! Nobody does, really. Not even the "scientific-study-mongers." We need to look into this further. As always, there are a gazillion exceptions to this "fact" (that men are more aggressive, that is). And, no, male crossdressers aren't necessarily, by definition, perennial examples of these exceptions. I know of too many relationships in which a husband or boyfriend, far from having been "softened" or "tamed" by his own crossdressing, has, in fact, become more aggressive and inconsiderate because of it. Those that find this hard to believe ought to chat with SO's more often. Yes, even "accepting" ones.
- Heterosexual women are, in the main, sexually attracted to heterosexual men. As a rule, heterosexual men will not exhibit behaviours meant to attract the sexual attention of other men. (Perhaps, for this reason, much of male crossdressing activities takes place in the privacy of the home or in the company of like-minded men who "understand" one another and do not seek each other out for purely sexual reasons.) Crossdressers that wish to be made love to as if they were women are, in effect, and by asking their SO's to take on a masculine role, "short-circuiting" the sexual component of their relationship with their SO's. Sad but true. However, and having said this, it does remain the case that the sexual playfulness born of a spirit of adventure and discovery between two spouses or partners will often include activities that have little to do with "typical" so-called masculine or so-called feminine roles. Imagination is the only limit. And this can include playful role reversal, by all means. The litmus test is simply this: are both parties obtaining sexual pleasure in the exploration? If not, discuss the situation with each other. Which brings me to my third point...
- Although I'll partially agree with Penni that spouses often don't like (or fear) talking about their sex life, I think it's more the case that they avoid talking about their sexual fantasies. It's one thing to inquire, "do you like it when I do this?" or "how does this feel?" but it's another story entirely when what you want to say is, "I've always wanted you to do this to (or with) me but I'm terrified you'll think I'm bizarre or perverted." I think it's this, particularly, that keeps closeted crossdressers in the closet. (I'm assuming, for the sake of this argument, that crossdressing is an activity with a strong sexual component for many, if not most, crossdressers.) If we rely on a Puritan or otherwise religious (or even quasi-religious) upbringing, then, of course, almost anything that isn't a straight, Saturday night missionary two-step between a man and a woman will be considered bizarre or perverted. This is a heavy yoke, this kind of uncritical regard for our own moral roots. Casting off that yoke is the first step towards the freedom to be who we are--and this includes the conscious choosing of our moral codes--as well as the freedom to explore all the possible shapes and forms our connections to the one we love can take. (By the way, the preceding applies, obviously, to everyone, regardless of anatomical sex, gender, or sexual orientation.)
Concerning the subject of this thread, I have only three words to say: Talk. Do. Be. But, especially, talk.
Love,
CJ
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Amelie-Laveau
- Permanently Banned
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- Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2004 7:20 pm
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Stephanie W
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 905
- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:57 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
Hi Carolyn
Just being ready and willing to talk to him is a huge plus for you both. Good communication is key to resolving most problems and as cliched as that sounds, it can never be repeated enough. Your concern about what you 'don't' know is a valid one, so talk to him about that and encourage him to be honest with you. He should know that by doing so, it'll go far in removing any lingering doubts or suspicions.
You should be aware that over the long term, he may not know himself where this may lead, but with your support, you can work through this together which should keep those surprises to a minimum. Whatever happens, best of luck to you both.
Stephanie
Just being ready and willing to talk to him is a huge plus for you both. Good communication is key to resolving most problems and as cliched as that sounds, it can never be repeated enough. Your concern about what you 'don't' know is a valid one, so talk to him about that and encourage him to be honest with you. He should know that by doing so, it'll go far in removing any lingering doubts or suspicions.
You should be aware that over the long term, he may not know himself where this may lead, but with your support, you can work through this together which should keep those surprises to a minimum. Whatever happens, best of luck to you both.
Stephanie
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DonnaT
- Miss Great Goddess
- Posts: 8222
- Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:04 am
- Location: No. Virginia
http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/menu.htm is a good information site listed in our Links section.
to the forum, Carolyn.
You could ask him to wear the chemise, then sit with him on the sofa, pull out some red nail polish and paint his nails. During which you could ask him how long he's been a crossdresser.
If he denies it, ask him why he is now crossdressed. A CD does not need to dress fully enfemme. If he enjoys wearing lacy things, which most are only made for women, then he's a CD.
Good luck with the talk.
to the forum, Carolyn.You could ask him to wear the chemise, then sit with him on the sofa, pull out some red nail polish and paint his nails. During which you could ask him how long he's been a crossdresser.
If he denies it, ask him why he is now crossdressed. A CD does not need to dress fully enfemme. If he enjoys wearing lacy things, which most are only made for women, then he's a CD.
Good luck with the talk.
DonnaT